LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume IV, Issue 347, 23 July 1875, Page 3

LOAFER IN THE STREET.

(From the Press.) I have always been an advocate for friendly societies. I have always been amongst them. I have wafted banners at more than one important celebration. I have dined with brothers repeatedly, and liked it. I have been one of a band who were sworn to overthrow tyrants and restore the habits of the primitive Christians in having all things in common. This last society fell through from want of funds, and the secretary had to borrow five shillings from a mercantile tyrant to pay the landlord. I approve of friendly societies though : they do lots of good, and some of them enable a man to see

his way to his funeral expenses—net to mention many other advantages, but personally I regret not having been able to utilise one of them in the way 1 might. From the result of a recent decision it would seem that I have to lament another lost opportunity. I learn that under the present stateof affairs the treasurer of a friendly society can rob the society to any extent he likes without any legal penalty attaching to bis little game. Of course there is a way to stop this. We all know all about it now, but what a Brother 1 could have proved as treasurer to any friendly body. I can’t bear to think of it. Kailway business I am always shy about touching on, not because I don’t knowanything about it, because I do. Anyone who

has hawked papeis on a railway platform naturally learns things; but the railway management is always in all con'tries a target for men who write to the papers, very few of whom are in a position to judge of the difficulties of working an intricate, and T may say a duplicate line, like ours. Thus it is that I don’t like making remarks about the the rate of speed row kept up on the narrow guage. i should say, from what I know of the i object, that twelve miles an hour, which is I hear the maximum speed to be kept up, is very nigh too much for the locomotives. It’s not an easy pace for the engiuedrivers. They’ve been used to driving at the furious rate of say fifteen miles an hour. It was rough on them at first, accommodating themselves to twelve ; but the difficulty was, I hear, got over by the stationmasters having orders to detain the train if it arrive too soon. At one of the southern stations the train arnved recently two minutes too soon, and the stationmaster informed the guard that he must wait for that period before he could start the train. The driver hearing this ca l led out to his mate, “ I say, come on and let’s have a look at his garden.” Which they accordingly did. The travellers, strange to say, didu’fseem to fancy the interval I like the principle myself Does it not teach never to overdo a thing? The poet tell us to “ Pause in life’s pleasures.” The course pursued by the railway teaches us to pause also at work. And what a proud boast it is to be able to say that we are Ihe first community yet who have learned to do the Government stroke by steam. The midwinter show came off recently. I observed you there. 1 expect you went round looking at stock and got wet through and eujoyed yourself. You may recollect the occasion when you employed yours truly to report a horse show for you. It is not an easy thing to do when you don’t know anything about horses. I reported most of them as “good useful animals.” At 135 a.m. in the morning the compositors reported, you may remember, that the word “useful” was played out in the type. In consequence I had to make a few alterations. I altered one fine horse to a large extent. From a “ useful horse” I altered him to “ a loose built under-bred brute;” and thinking I might as well make a little more variety about him, I added that he had scarcely a single point to recommend him. I went home pleased, thinking I had done a fair thing by that horse and his owner, Next day a big gentlemanly able bodied man called around to the office, and asked if I was the agriculcultural horse reporter. I responded in the affirmative, and before you could say “ mine’s beer, thanks” (and some of you can say it quicker than lightning), there was as good a punched head on your premises as you ever saw, That head was mine. Agricultural reporting is a bit risky, especially when you try to do justice to an indifferent animal.

Talking of punching heads reminds me of a circumstance which recently happened here. I wish first to observe that mothers are coming much into fashion now, especially in song. Ballads in connection with mothers seem to be ever popular. I have heard an obese female of at least forty-five summers receive a big encore by singing “ Let me kiss him for his mother.” Without being rude, I solemnly assert that if she offered to embrace me for my mamma, I should “ pass ” at once. Let any one get up to sing '‘Just before the battle, mother,” “ Mother I’ve come home to die,” “ Mother kissed me in my dreams,” “ Mother whacked me when I woke,” “ I’m lonely since my mother-in-law went,” anything in this style, and the audience are knocked at once. I never knew an appeal of this sort fail but once, and that was very recently. The audience consisted of one, and the performer hail insulted the audience. The audience went for the performer, and when the latter was getting knocked on the eyes and nose he begged the audience “to consider his mother.” The audience considered a brief spell, and knocked him again more forcible like. Mothers are not always,-you see, reliable.

No more, I understand, are molhers’-in-law.

Politics are moving again. Tho Assembly are around again, and I expect things will shortly be lively in Parliament. The Governor’s speech reminds one of Sir Charles’ opinion of the crater of Mount Vesuvius in “ Used Up.” There is nothing in it. It is what may bn termed a Q.C.E. speech It teems with Quiet, Comfort, and Economy. About the latter I’m not qui f c sure, more especially in connection with the £l,000,0f)() loan (just sec my ciphers are all right please). I should like to know the terms of that loan. The exorbitant terms I have had to pay in this city for even half-a-crown to be repaid on my solemn word in a week, would stagger you. I expect we shall drag through somehow, but when Sir Julius Vogel comes back, I’m afraid he will be in the position of the man who, returning from a trip on a Gravesend steamer, observed to his mates, “We are all wet through, we have spent all our money, I’ve lost try carpet bag and my umbrella —but what a day we’ve had.” I expect in the course of a week I read as many newspapers as some men, but I have never yet perused a copy of the Peninsula Churchman. I should scarcely think, however, it can be a very paying property. I judge so from the fact that a recent correspondent of yours informs us that the Church of England members in Akaroa number eighty-four, and of these it would appear some disapprove of the tone of the publication, and, therefore, are not subscribers. Your correspondent encloses a letter from his Lordship the Bishop of Christchurch, which induces the belief that the reverend editor must have been, to say the least of it, injudicious in some of his remarks. The question appears to turn upon a monotone service. I don’t exactly know what that is. but I should judge from the tone of the discussion in your journal that Christians seem altering a bit. Some 1800 years ago they got their name up for loving each other. A while afterwards, say some more hundred years, they got differing a bit, and in turns all wanted to worship in their own style, and burn those who disagreed with them We agree to let other people alone now, and think on such subjects as we like, but when eighty-four people and the pastor get roughing each other about a-monotone service, it shows us that Christians can’t be always being kindly affectionate towards each other. I wonder if a monotonous service and a monotone ditty are synonymous. I observed above that I was given to reading papers. So I am. You may recollect the man who said he didn’t care who made the laws of a country so long as he could write its songs. Apropos of that gentleman’s statement, 1 may say—and a grand tipiti-> for “ those about to emigrate”—if you want to know what a country is like study its

journals. I do, but I get knocked sometimes. The following advertisement has sent me very wrong. Here it is—- • Wanted, a second-hand Baker. Apply, &c.” I’ve heard of second-hand guns, second-hand pianos, aud numerous second-hand things, but how are we to reckon up a second-hand baker ? The tiling is beyond me. What about this railway station? I’m not going to advocate either site. That is one advantage of holding a position like mine. You can always remaiu so utterly indifferent to things, aud you can sign anything, say six petitions quite at variance with each other in one day, should of course sufficient inducement offer. I don’t like cruelliug petitions, hut there is the least taste in life of humbug about them, because most people will sign if you only hunt them, and dummies are to be found. I could gladly contract for them at threepence a head, and make wages for the time level with the Provincial Secretary. A public meeting is not reliable, because you can always pack it, and a very few sweet men can always spoil anyhoely’s speech. . I’m losing faith in things fast you see, and that reminds me I’m losing faith in some of our city councillors. Just think now how long our drainage has been on baud. How we have talked about it, aud paid for it, and written about it ; and uow vyheu I thought city and suburb were going to amalgamate, the whole thing bursts right up. We are the hottest community at talking about things, and the poorest lot at doing them on the face of the globe. We meet and talk aud talk and meet for nothing. Whenever you see a large aud influential meetingca lid here, it’s making money to give three to one that nothing will he done.

Amusements are a bit slack. The Theatre with the Wheeler Da Glorion troop have been doing good business, and deservedly so. You can say what you like about first class theatricals and Shakespeare, bub nothing goes down so well in respectable Christchurch as a variety troop. We say we like high art and roar out about the decline of the drama, but don’t support it much. We like business like Mr Combination Smith and Mr Wheeler give us. This reminds me that I owe a compliment to our o.vn Mr J. T. M. Smith, who has revived the winter entertainments at the Oddfellows’ Hall. The programmes he has up to the present submitted have been very good, and I hope the public will continue to support his endeavors to promote . I shall get mixed if I

don’t mind, but I hope J. T. M. Smith will continue to do well.