LYTTELTON LEGENDS, No. 5.

Globe, Volume IV, Issue 347, 23 July 1875, Page 3

LYTTELTON LEGENDS, No. 5.

ARCHITECTURAL INTELLIGENCE, You have heard of the morning papers, perhaps; I have; I rather like them; I don’t as a rule read them ; perhaps I should not like them so well if I did. I begin to miss the paragraph that used to appear about six mornings a week, that “the dwarf wall and caretaker’s house are progressing as well as can be expected ” ; and, laws me ! how I did enjoy the competive essays on the new Government House on the Beach. I think though, that when “our own” goes in for architectural reporting, if he has no personal acquaintance with the distinctive features of plinths and peristyles, and other things that are made out of bricks ; well, he had better keep his weather eye open as to reporting all that other people tell him, that’s all. The dwarf wall and caretaker’s house haven’t progressed much lately ; the former used to grow a little uglier every week, but there’s a difficulty in progressing much farther on that track, now. It is understood that those funny stone saddles on the top of it are to be crowned with statues of the members of the School Committee, in an equestrian attitude. The caretaker’s house is a fine instance of how a great deal can be accomplished with limited means; why, that cockey little three-roomed shanty in the middle of a great piece of frontage, which is so scarce and valuable, has been so contrived as to blockade as much of a first-class position as would have been required to build the Infant School which we want so badly ; and which could have been erected handsomely for the money that went for the dwarf wall; let alone the post and rail fence that will have to be put up alongside of it, to keep CoalTar Jack’s cows from jumping over. Now we have neither a site for the school nor money to build it; but never mind boys, the Great Unwashed One has had a good spell of good wages, and we have got a house to hold the caretaker (five old Saxon ‘word that, was it Cr Grange who invented it ?), and vice versa we have the caretaker to look after the house, for caretaking, like charity, doubtless begins where it ends, at home. There’s a man in Wellington has made a new discovery; he stumbled on it just promiscuous like, and he is _so modest, I guess he would rather have no more said about it. Formerly, when people built houses, they left holes for doors and windows, as they went on, and very often the windows didn’t throw the light as they ought to. This man did different. He sat in a Wellington office and built a big house in Oxford street, and as a man at that distance could not so well tell where the doors and windows would be wanted, he didn’t make any, only a big door straight against the pub ; instinct prompted that much. Nobody twigged the omission till the evaporation of Salt occurred ; we were all looking for our missing friend, and some one suggested he might be downstairs in the new Custom-house. Howgthe deuce could he get in ? said Bofiin, How the deuce arc mu to get in? replied Nicodemus. (We were friends then you know when the real Boffin was alive.) And how the highly represible word am lor any one else ever to get in ? responded the Baron. Well there’s Joey, he’s had some experience of telegraphing in emergencies, and he’s a rare one to assist in other people’s business, he wires off to the man in Wellington, who replied—“Ah! yes, ah! let’s see, wasn’t I led to understand that a few dark corners would be of service to some folks. Ah ! well, just knock a hole in the wall somewhere, and when the officials are all seated inside comfortable like, J ist knock out a few more holes for windows Avherever it is found they are wanted.”

When I erect my new residence, depend on it there shan’t be a window made in it till I am in a position to see where I want them, if any. Great discoverers are soon recognised by a discerning public ; that architect since the above occurred has had oilers of employment from one hundred and nineteen (119) Canterbury farmers, who wanted new

gaps made in old sod fences ; but his services are not available at present, as Government officers don’t engage in private practice. COUNCIL BUSINESS. There’s other Councils than our one worth a visit; I had a turn over to the City on Monday, to study Ick-thyology and Raphaelitism. I like their homely, familiar way of doing things. Just fancy theiv Bishop trying all he knows to sit on the Hobbs, a position he will naturally find rather hot for him, one day. Depend on it my dear old exclusive obstructives, that same Hobbs is just the full height of the shopboard a taller man than any of you. He has as much patriotism as some of you have priggishness, and that’s an indefinite quantity. But I say, Freddy, your Worship I mean, that was a funny use you made of your double vote, as you call it. There’s a great big book called the Corporation’s Act, .Freddy. If you would like to read it, I could lend you a copy, and when you come to the hundred and thirty-sixth clause you will read that it is only in case of an equality of votes that your casting vote can be used at all, and not as you imagine to make four votes on one side equal to five on the other, and so produce a deadlock. But it’s a consolation to notice that the ex-Mayor and the XX Mayor were raging like the heathen against you. They were both as green on the subject as yourself, else you had been snapped up quick my boy, as you are sure to be next week, now I have given old E. B. and Co the hint.

Coming nearer home, I must stick a new feather in the cap of Cr Harry. He has a long string of honors anyhow, but this last is the crowning victory! Be happy, oh electors, your representative is ans an who was able to beat Brickey Holmes. But don’t be sulky either, Brickey, you got the second prize sure enough, and you could not both get the first one. Cheer up, old son, you were never so near the top of the poll before; by and by you’ll top it.; only remember there are 600 burgesses, and everybody else’s turn comes before your’s.

ELECTORAL. There were crowds around the Chamber Where our sapient Council meet. Gathered they from many a public Gathered they from many a street. Foremost came the gallant captain, Whom the Empire commands, Carrying a hard red substance, In his strong and bony hands. It was like the things they build with, Red and strong, strong and hard ; ’Twas the emblem of his calling, ’Twas the gallant Bricky’s card. Why had all these people gathered, From the sides of many a hill ? ’Twas to get a brother burgess, Kenner’s vacant seat to fill. There within the Council Chamber, All undaunted by the row, Sat the noble clerk a-writing, Resolution on his brow. He too of the eagle glances, Whom the people’s votes did keep, Did not seem inclined for safety Up the chimney for to creep. How was this, what made them plucky ? Spite of that infernal din ; And refuse to cut their lucky, But so calm remain within. ’Twas because the mighty cannon, That protects the Council’s door, Had been loaded by the captain, And a weighty brick it bore. Boffin’s little grey familiar. Snapped and growled and barked away, Telling that the gallant Brickey, Would not be returned that day. Hush ! the Council door is opened, And the officer steps forth, And the people crowd to hear him From the east, west, south and north. And he tells them that poor Bricky Is defeated once again, And the gallant veteran winces, For it goes against the grain. Loud the cries for noble Harry Round the building did resound, But that cautious gent had mizzled, And was nowhere to be found. Then for Bricky to address them, Rose the chorus loud and strong ; And that gentleman came forward, And he spoke both well and long. Said how he was very sorry, He’d been beaten there that day ; Biit would once again come forward, Yes ! and conquer in the fray. Dell desperandwm was his motto, Which translated by a friend, Meant he was a desperate devil, And would conquer in the end. If he did well, they would find him, Of all Concillors the best; And the people in their Bricky, Would be most supremely blest. Those who had for him been voting, He did most inserely praise— Thus he ended with his speaking, And the people went their ways. NICODEMUS.