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Globe, Volume III, Issue 219, 20 February 1875, Page 3

“ Tom, what in the world put matrimonyin your head ? !J “ "Well, the fact is, I was getting short of shirts.” When a Connecticut deacon nudged a somnolent worshipper with the contribution box, the sleepy individual awoke partially, smiled murmured, “ I don’t smoke !” and dropped off again. “Breakfast for ninety-nine,” saida waiter to a verdant clerk at an hotel, not long ago. “Thunder!” said the clerk, “we can’t do it.” The waiter explained that ninetynine was the number of the room. The proprietor of a young ladies’ academy in Illionis has utterly ruined his business by causing to be inserted in a large number of papers a picture of the building, with girls standing on the balcony with last year’s hats on their heads. An officer in the Washington Navy Yard announces that he has an old and reliable bunion, which he is desirous of exchanging for a modern sort of barometer that will not get so excited at every little shower that comes on. , ~ “Bailey” writes from London to the Danbury News —“ The English eat breakfast at eight o’clock or later, lunch at one o’clock, and have dinner at six or seven o’clock. The breakfast is light, the luncheon similar, and the dinner is quite hearty. One English dinner in the inexperienced American stomach will produce that night eight bears with calico tails, eleven giants with illuminated heads, one awful dog with twelve legs; and fourteen bow-legged ruffians chased by a host of piratical cauliflowers, mounted on saddles of beef roasted. Any respectable chemist will corroborate this statement.