LITERATURE.

Globe, Volume II, Issue 171, 23 December 1874, Page 3

LITERATURE.

VERY SMART INDEED. At the close of one of those financial hurricanes which periodically afflict the United .States, I deemed it well to adopt a custom prevailing in that country. 'The custom I allude to is known as "going West." People are very fond of going West, and undertake the journey from various and often mixed motives. My own motives were very mixed. In the first place I had received from my friend Wash Sparkington—best of friends and most intrepid of speculators, the coolest hand at poker, and the neatest organiser of a 'corner' I ever met—a few " points" concerning the rising young township known as Sainpville, through which a railroad was shortly to bo driven, for the purpose of developing the resources of the country, and enriching those speculators who had got the ' point' early. In the second place it was very hot in New York, and my physician had recommended a change of air. Thirdly, I had just broken off an engagement to marry Miss Nettie Fish, whoso 'pa,' originally a ferryman, had recently ' struck ile,' and was bumptious accordingly. Fourthly, a ' pool' to sell certain stocks "short,' in which I was heavily engaged, had not proved a success. As Sparkington observed, the bottom had fallen out of the spec. Fifthly, things had gone generally wrong with me, and it was necessary to change the venue in order to avoid unpleasant consequences. Under these oireunistauocs J. concluded to try Sampvillc, and endeavour to recuperate by buying up the land through which the projected railway was to pass. A farewell dinner at Delnionico's was given in my honour by 'the boys.' All the usual formalities were observed, and as the news was industriously circulated among the golden youth present that J. was going to Europe to negotiate the sale of my family property, an elfigy, in ice cream of the good ship Barataria, in which I was supposed to be about to cross the Atlantic ferry, occupied the centre of the table. Munnn's extra dry and the linest Chambertin circulated freely ; and I. Hatter myself that, considering the awkward posture of my affairs, I made a reasonably brilliant and effective farewell oration. Forty-eight hours later I was in Sampvillo, and was at once impressed by the evidences of prosperity visible in thai

flourishing location. The first duty of man had been fulfilled by tlie construction of an enormous hotel, where indigestion could be acquired on the most exorbitant terms. There was no lack of excellent food, villainously cooked, and the loss of the flcshpots of Delmonico weighed heavy on my soul. Still there was compensation. Sitting opposite to me at table was a Western belle eating green corn after the primeval fashion, that is to say by seizing a corn-cob plentifully anointed with butter—at either end, and gnawing the juicy morsel without regard to appearances.

On making inquiries concerning tlic land on sale at Sampvi lie, my spirits were slightly dashed. Somebody had evidently got the 'point' before me. Looking carefully over the lots through which the railroad must necessarily pass, 1 found that they had been bought up within a short time by a single speculator—one of the original settlers in Sampville. His name, Van Klauwenhoek, indicated his descent from a line old Knickerbocker family, and I marvelled much to find the representative of an ancient rice vegetating in the West. Of course 1 hated him. lie had clearly forestalled my little speculation, and, if to be bought off at all, would not part with his purchase except at a large profit. Much depressed and fatigued by my stroll, 1 drifted into the Ketchum House, the big hotel aforesaid. Bringing up at last against the bar, my ear was attacked by a striding voice exclaimimg, ' I guess I'll take mine straight,' and turning sharply round, I encountered my old friend Hezekiah Dodge, who, from high legal and political position, had step by step taken the down track, till he had sunk into a loafer round a bar out West. It was the old story, plenty of go, but no ballast. Hez would—in the beginning —work for weeks like a man, and then go 'on a bust,' till his best friends were scared at his appearance, and would then pull up all at once, and become a decent citizen till further notice. His garb indicated that he had visibly declined in the world since we had last met, and a certain glassincss of the eye told that tale which is revealed at once by the light blue iris, but long concealed by the rich brown eye so frequently met with in the States. His hand did not shake, of course—the potations of the day had steadied it ; but Hez was a little unsteady on the high heels of a pair of dainty boots, which contrasted strongly enough with his generally rough appearance. Gradually edging Hez out of the crowd, I lured him away to a quiet cobbler and cigar, when lie became at once coherent, and delivered many sarcastic remarks on that onehorse place, Sampville. Now, thought I, is my time to get posted on this section of the country, and I at once opened out on real estate, inquiring by the way who and what Mr Van Klauwenhoek might be. ' Look at here,' said Hez, ' I am as fond of Klauwenhoek as I am of Injuns. He refused to loan me a ten-dollar bill a few days ago—the mean cuss ; and let me tell you he owns a'most the hull of the township. Fust of all, he started in dry goods, then he went into grain, and lager beer, and lumber, and now is president of the bank. He is a smart man, yes sirr ! And they don't know much of his antecedents round these parts, and they don't impure. No, sir, in this section of the country it ain't well to ask too many questions. So long as a man lias the stamps, we don't inquire how he got them. "We take it for granted that our citizens have all busted up somewhere or other, before they came to this last place that was ever made, and we don't ask where they did it.' This was getting unpleasant, so I reminded Hez that I should like to know more of Van Klauwenhoek. 'Oh,' said he, looking wistfully at his empty tumbler, which was immediately replied at my request, ' I could tell you about the prettiest story you ever heard about the high boss of Sampville. I knew him years ago down to Pergamus in the State of New York. He was always a straight-backed cuss, and committed all sorts of villany, without getting any enjoyment out of it, except the pleasure of doing wrong, for •wrong's sake. He was not called Klauwenhoek then. When a man goes West to change the air, he may as well change his name at the same time. Wal ! lie was just the greatest man and the stiffest Christian in Porgamus. 1 guess he built a chapel of his own, and laid on a minister of Ids own particular stripe to preach there. He was an uncommon just man-- according to his lights —and measured out the world cleverly, according to Ins gallon can. His family was superb. The haughtiest wife--Boston bred —and the primmest daughters you ever set eyes on. The hull lot looked as if they could not help doing what's right, mechanically, and had no mercy on people as were built on different principles. Wal ! One day, Van, who was manager of the city bank, goes to his lawyer in an awful fright. The bank was a good genuine old machine, not like them wild-cat concerns—all bunkum and shinplasters—that are running out here West, but a square-toed legitimate business. Van had enough to make him look scared, and wanted no end of encouragement from his own private and confidential lawyer before lie could tell his tale. At last the murder came out. The cuss had been speculating on his own account with the money of the bank, after losing all his own, and was short of a trill© of two hundred thousand dollars, and quarterly meeting of directors coming on. What was to be done ? J t was an ugly fix ! The lawyer said he guessed it was a hard nut to crack, but that it might be done, if his client had full and complete confidence in him. Van swore, by all that is holy, that his lawyer was the last plank he had got to cling to, and that, without him, he should i cave in at once.

' Will then,' said tlie lawyer, ' you answer mo one question. Have you full control of tlis linances now at this present moment ? ' 'Yes, sir,' said Van. 'I am boss till board meeting.' v That's well. Now hnw muck more do you think you could .steal between now and the fatal day?' '1 don't know,' answered Van, 'perhaps two hundred thousand more.' ' That'll fix things elegantly. Now you just go and we'll call " withdraw " from circulation two hundred thousand dollars, change the money and bring it l'ight here, and I guess we shall put things through.' ' I don't quite sec how that will help inc.' ' Just now, neighbour, you ain't wanted to see ; you go this ' blind ' or not at all.' ' Very little more persuasion was wanted to induce a man who was elbow deep in other folks' money to go in up to the shoulder. Before board-day arrived the money was abstracted from the bank and safely lodged in the hauda of the lawyer,

who took it very coolly, and told Van to look in for final advice the night before the meetiug. Van arrived fidgetty and said he ' did not quite see his way.' 'Most likely not,' said the lawyer, 'but you might show a little more grit, and not look as if you had no more confidence in me than the Bostonian had in Colonel Skeet.'

' Blame Colonel Skeet, what is he to me?'

Everything I guess, as an example not to part with your stamps first and fret afterwards. You see a Boston man once went down to New Orleans, while the running races were going on. He was riding a mighty fine horse, which attracted a brace of individuals of the scallywag order, one of whom began—" Good morning, judge ; guess you're riding a tall sample of hoss-flesh.' 'Pretty well, thank you,' replies Boston, when the scallywag made his rush and said, 'lt is a mighty fine hoss, that's a fact; but I should'nt mind matching my hoss again yours, twice round the course for a thousand dollars, and my friend Colonel Skeet shall hold the stakes.' ' That's so,' replied Boston, ' the conditions are that you match your horse against mine twice round the course for a thousand dollars, and your friend Colonel Skeet shall hold the stakes.' ' That's a bet,'cries the scallywag, 'we will put up the money at oncest.' ' Hold on a minute,' said Boston, 'it is all fixed but one point. Colonel Skeet is to hold the stakes—that's fair enough—but who in thunder is to hold Colonel Skeet ?' ' By the time the lawyer had got through with this story Van was dancing mad with impatience, and insisted on knowing what he was to do. ' Wal ! look at here,' said his adviser, ' you go down to-morrow morning, and just make a clean breast of it. Own up that you are four hundred thousand dollars short, and make a speech about the evils of speculation, be utterly crushed and broken down, shed tears, and talk about your wife and family, and I guess we are nearly through.' ' But I shall be arrested and put in prison. ' ' That is part of the programme, that's a fact, and 1 don't see how that ceremony is to be dispensed with. But you will not stay there very long.' ' Van did not like the programme, but he had no chance to back down. He appeared at the meeting in a span new suit of go-to-meeting clothes, and delivered a speech that might have melted a heart of stone but ran off the bank directors like water off a duck'g back. There was a scene. One director, who had gone up himself six times, to my certain knowledge, swore that the duty of the board was to prosecute the villain. There nearly was a free fight in the boardroom, but the public-spirited director carried the day, and poor Van, in spite of his eloquence, was arrested. Some gnashing of teeth took place in Pergamus that night. A r an's family collapsed under the blow, Van being too smart a man to post his wife. The Pergamus Pioneer lifted up its voice and wept at the disgrace which had fallen on a prominent citizen, and the hearts of the bank directors were sore on account of the dollars which were not.

'On the next morning the sky cleared ' some.' Van's lawyer induced the directors! to hold an extraordinary meeting, and orated nearly this :-

• Gentlemen—ahem ! The loss of four hundred thousand dollars is a serious matter—(cries of " That's so") —but it is imposssible to view without pity the abject position of our once-respected fellow citizen, and the despair of his unhappy wife and children, crushed by this fearful blow. (Silence.) Our fallen brother has biit little personal property, and has no rich relations —(groans)—but he has friends, gentlemen, rich and powerful friends, who will not see him go under for want of help.' Here the public-spirited director brightened up. ' His friends, gentlemen, are not prepared to put up four hundred thousand dollars—an immense sum—but they have taken counsel together, and are prepared to sacrifice a hundred thousand, rather than see your late manager branded as a felon. Speaking in their name, I am prepared to offer that sum on condition that our unhappy friend be allowed to depart hi peace.' 'This proposition was scouted, the lawyer was shown out, and severely reprimanded for proposing to compound a felony, but after a stormy meeting the high moral tone went off in a fizzle, and tliu directors sent one of their number to talk it over with Van's lawyer. They were dreadfully indignant at the outrageous proposition made to them that morning, but having the fear of shareholders before their eyes, not wishing to see their former friend degraded, and being generally averse to jumping upon anybody, they had concluded that reparation to the extent of twenty-five per cent was not to be thrown over. In fine they took the money, Van was released, and rushed to his lawyer brimful of gratitude. This gentleman received him quietly, and after a few minutes' conversation, said, ' Suppose we talk business. I hold a margin of a hundred thousand dollai-s, which we will now divide in equal shares. Fifty thousand dollars, will not do me any harm, and will start you in life again out "West.' And that's how the business was settled, and that's how Van comes to be at Sampville.' 1 must confess that I was thunder-struck at this marvellous narrative, and so soon as I recovered breath, said to Hez Dodge, ' You seem to have the inside track of the entire business. How did you get your information ? 1 should like to know that lawyer. He must be a smart man.' Poor old Hez looked up at me with a lacklustre eye, and stammered out, ' 1 —I —I was that smart man.'