LOAFER IN THE STREET.

Globe, Volume II, Issue 111, 8 October 1874, Page 2

LOAFER IN THE STREET.

“ The old order changeth, yielding place to new.” But it don’t. That’s what troubles me. I wish this time to show you my idea of reporting. It’s idealised a bit. You will perceive this before you read much further. I shall diversify as far as lies in my power. The following is a fair specimen of the telegraphic summary : Auckland. —Heavy gale blowing. The Sarah Jane, one man and two masts, is a complete wreck. Crew saved. Ship insured for £25. Grahamstown. —At public meeting held last night resolution passed unanimously that district not sufficiently governed. Rise in mining scrip shortly expected and earnestly hoped for. Napier.—A man named Smith, of poor but honest parents, sprained his little toe yesterday morning. He is expected to recover. Wellington.—Current quotations—Fowls, 4s 6d ; ducks, 6s 6d ; white mice. Is. His Excellency went for a walk. Mr Vogel blew his nose to day. New Plymouth.—Two new hands engaged on railway. Mr Brown sold his farm of six acres at £ 1 2s 6d an acre.

Kaiapoi;—A destitute loafer of the lone orphan order was presented with Is 6d on tbe occasion of his leaving for Christchurch, Nelson.—A Bill is about to be introduced into the Provincial Council interdicting the use of soporifics. Public feeling against proposed Bill. Hokitika.—Arrived: The Betsey Jane, from Lyttelton, with a cargo of butter and assorted pigs. New rush to Squash Creek. Crowds of diggers leaving. Three men already on the ground. Dunedin.—Ship Kippered Herring at heads. Mr Macanalister Maclan Dhu of that ilk was entertained last night prior to his leaving for the old country. Mr M. M. I. D. is a Scotchman.

Invercargill.—Lambing has commenced. Brandy has a downward tendency. Alexandra.—The natives are busily engaged planting potatoes. Tararuawanganui died this morning. The above might be condensed as follows: We refrain this morning from publishing our usual telegrams. Any of our readers hungering for the latest cablegrams may refer to our issues of last week—or the week before, or any other week. The next subject will be our Resident Magistrates’ Court. —Four drunks and incapables were fined ten shillings. Eight credulous people who believed in the efficiency of their tether ropes were fined for cows on the prowl. Bungham was sent over the hill for reorganising his

wife with a swingle tree, and fifteen summonses were disposed of as usual. The names of the parties are of no interest to our readers, but the curious in such matters can learn them at the E..M. Court perhaps.

News of the Day. St Swithin’s Tea Meeting.—This muffin struggle is postponed for a time. We like to express thankfulness for small mercies, and we have no hesitation in saying that we are are glad to hear it. We should, however, have been still more pleased had we been enabled to inform our readers that the festivity in question had been postponed sine die.

Borough Council.—The usual weekly meeting of the Slopwash Borough Council was held last evening. Present, all the councillors except Mr Twiddleflips. A letter was read from Mr Topdraggle, complaining of a bunged up drain in Buck street. Befcrrcd to the works committee to report upon. Accounts to the amount of seven and six were passed for payment after a long and animated discussion on one item —candles four pence halfpenny. The surveyor’s report was read and approved, and the consideration of certain repairs to a broken batten at the crossing of Flop street was deferred till next meeting, after which the council adjourned —for refreshment.

Princess Theatre. The performance last night consisted of the “ Demon Dagger, or the Defiant Dipsomaniac.” Where all the parts were so admirably pourtrayed, 't would be invidious to particularise, it is enough to say that the large audience expressed their appreciation of the drama in the most unqualified manner. We were not present, but we guarantee the truth of the above statement. Good Templars.—An infantile temple in connection with the Planet Plenipotentiary Lodge was instituted last evening, Brother Bussem presided. A hundred and forty-one infants under six months were admitted as members of the temple. Considerable interest was manifested in the proceedings, and after some melody from the infant members, the meeting bust up hurriedly. Canterbury Hallways. Yesterday three hundred and fifty trucks passed up or down —it is immaterial which —containing three hides and a barrel of ale. We gladly give the above publicity, and we shall lose no opportunity of keeping our readers cm courant with subjects of equal importance. Entertainment.—The entertainment in aid of the funds of St Barnabas school took place last evening, and was as successful as these institutions generally are. We must take exception to the rather high price of admission —sixpence—but as it was for a charitable purpose, and this is essentially an educational community, we do not care to be hypercritical, however painful such exhibitions may be. Boating Club.—A committee meeting of the Royal Blues was held last evening, at Warner’s Hotel. The minutes of the former meeting were read and confirmed. After remaining for about two hours and a half and listening to a discussion which was only amusing in its utter irrelevancy, we left. From the tone of the meeting at the time of our leaving, we can scarcely imagine any important business to have been transacted. If such, however, was the case, we shall be happy to receive from the secretary a copy of the minutes, on the distinct understanding that we are not to be had again for another two hours and a half.

Local Industry.—We have been shown an admirably executed piece of mechanism from the atelier of a well-known manufacturer, who, for obvious reasons, wishes to remain incog. It takes the form of three ivory cubes, upon the several sides of which are certain black indentations, running in numerical order from one to six. By a curious contrivance, these elegant cubes have, to the ordinary spectator, uniform properties, but to the skilled manipulator—who, it should be stated, throws them from a plain wooden box —the larger numbers invariably appear uppermost. The beautiful simplicity of the invention is at once apparent, and we have no hesitation in saying that the enterprise of the inventor, and, we may also add, the manipulators who choose to invest in them, will meet with the success that it undoubtedly deserves. Serious Accident.—We have to record an accident that might have happened last night, to a gentleman whose name we are unfortunately unable to ascertain. It appears that the individual in question might have been observed driving unguardedly up the Lincoln road shortly before dusk without his lamps lit. It is needless to observe that such a proceeding was fraught with danger of no ordinary kind, and might have been attended with serious consequences. We cordially wish some terrible catastrophe had occurred to this gentleman in question, as it would have made th is paragraph so much longer, and would have been a source of unalloyed pleasure to those of our readers who disapprove of reckless driving. City Improvements.—The various buildings that are in course of erection on all sides betoken an unusual degree of prosperity. Whether we look upon the castellated chateaux of the wealthy, the variegated villas of the middle classes, the comfortable and cosy cottages of the mechanic, or the stupendous store-houses of the merchants, the eye—the eyes, and we might almost say the nose—are lost in wonder and amazement at the sights and smells, which, are more than sufficient to attract the most casual observer. Among the recent improvements we have noticed one which especially attracted our attention. It is, we understand, intended for a fowlhouse. The building is substantially erected. The walls consist of the top, bottom, and sides of acommodious packing case, while the roof is ingeniously composed of the tin lining of the case in question. The tenement is small and unpretentious, not to say an eyesore, but proportionately it is in our humble opinion far ahead, in point of architectural regularity, of some of our public buildings. It looks like a fovvlhouse, and it is one. Some of our public buildings are far—or so very far —otherwise. Dotheboys School. —The annual distribution of prizes took place in the schoolroom last evening. The greenery was as usual, the tea rather worse, and the speeches thoroughly ordinary. We append the list of prizes with mnch pleasure, only hoping that the fact of T. Ballyslap having won a first prize for diligence will induce his parents or guardians, as the case may be, to invest in half a dozen, or say even one, pocket handkerchief for his special use. As the famous Dr Arnold remarked, “ a snuffling prize taker is a blot on any educational system.” Acclimatisation. The usual monthly meeting of this society took place yesterday. The report of the curator was read and >eceived. The chairman stated that the Government had agreed to a vote of £IOOO for the purposes of the association.

Several members at once offered to double their subscriptions. A very general opinion was expressed that had such a course been adopted sooner, the society would have been supported by the public to a far greater extent. Prior to the breaking up of the meeting, the curator reported having seen a number of dears in Colombo street and various other parts of the province.

A vote of thanks to the chairman terminated the proceedings. Bazaar, —A bazaar in connection with the fund for purchasing a second-hand bell-rope for Sunday use was held yesterday at the Oddfellows’ Hall. '* here was a large attendance, and the various objects displayed were of the most tempting order. The stalls were presided over by some of the most eminent stallists of the period. The prices obtained were in inverse ratio to the value of the articles. It will thus be apparent to the most ordinary chump that the initiators had every cause to be satisfied with the result of their endeavors.

In a money-grubbing community like ours, it is indeed satisfactory to note that a doll, deficient in the ordinary modicum of sawdust, and dressed in the most decolletee style, may be sold in the cause of charity for more money than we are in the habit of paying the most exorbitant hansom cab driver, for say three hours hard driving, and what a pleasing reflection is this ! The above is a fair specimen of the local intelligence with which the columns of most daily papers are filled. By condensing in the style illustrated above, your reporters might be able to exhibit a punched head or two at times—very often times —but if you like to adopt the idea, I shan’t charge you anything extra.