Untitled

Gisborne Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2221, 26 October 1907, Page 4 (Supplement)

The man who waits for just the right timo to start never gets anywhere. AVHEN HE AVOULD NEED IT AIOST. “I hear ho refused to take chloroform when lio was operated on?” “Yes; he‘d rather take it when ho paid liis bill.” EYES ON THE MAIN CHANCE. Risser-liy: “I thought you were blind.” Beggar: “AY'ell, mister, times are so hard and competition is so great that even a blind mail has to keep liis eyes open if he wants to do any business at all.” EQUAL TO THE EMERGENCY. Customer: “Now, barber, I only want to be shaved. I don’t want my hair cut, singed, or shampooed, or my moustache waxed. I don’t want hair invigorator, dandurff remover, or a facial massage.” Barber: “Are you troubled with corns or ingrowing nails, sir?” FALSE ECONOMY. He walked to save liis tramway fare, He often luncbless went, He wore last winter’s liat again, A coat which had been rent. He bought for lier with wliat ho •saved A locket in a case; iShe straightway placed within his 'gift, His rival’s smiling face. A PROAIDEXTIAL DEFIANCE. The use of the word “damn” lias not always proved a sin inexpiable. AA'liatever may have been its effect upon bis soul, it certainly saved tlie wife of one man. That man was the D’Esterre with whose career readers of O’Connell’s biography aro familiar. . At tlie time of tlie mutiny at the Nore, D’Esterre. as .Irish as tlie Belfast- policemen wlio have been on strike, was a lieutenant on the ship of tlio ringleader -of the business. He was particularly obnoxious to the crew because of his unswerving loyalty. So while the sell-constitut-ed judges sat around a table covered with a flag and pots of porter, he was brought- before them with u halter about Inis neck and bound hand and foot. They were very anxious to bang him, but as he was a liistv fellow they would rather have liad him join them. He refused. They gave him one last da luce of life on these terms: “AY'ill you join us?” they asked. ! “No.” he said. “Hang away, and ;be d d. God save the King. ! The imprecation saved him where prayers ’ and supplications would have been in viin. Hero was a fellow after their own hearts, and the hard-swearing. hard-drinking ruffians sot- him at liberty with something like a blessing.