IS MARRIAGE A FAILURE?

Gisborne Times, Volume XXV, Issue 2098, 5 June 1907, Page 3

IS MARRIAGE A FAILURE?

STRONG LIGHT ON THE SUBJECT.

THE IDEAL TO" BE SOUGHT FOR

As promised “Buscol” has returned to the attack, and with more leisure for dealing with the subject has managed to delve deeply into the heart of the matter. The letter :s as follows:

My remarks previously only pourtrayed that a woman loses quite as much freedom and more privileges than does a man by marrying; but for all that I think the majority of people would vote “Marriage a Success even though the two previous “wails” contian much truth re the grievances of married men and women respectively, undertaking, as certainly they do, many responsibilities when they marry. Granted that those entering upon marriage are high-minded, and have well considei*ed the question, communing over its pros and cons alone, at times exchanging opinions regarding the great step to be undertaken at (others, I think the results are as a rule happy and successful. I am not, be it understood, speaking of unions taken in hand “wantonly and l<i*ghtly” because in these days of higher education, plain living and high thinking most people think seriously of lifo in all its phases. I am dealing with the opinions and desi res of

GOOD MEN AND GOOD WOMEN; and all worship the “good 'and beautiful” more or less and are interested in the pursuit of happiness, particularly when forsaking the “lone way” and .linking one’s life with another. Sesamo and . Silies Icontains the gist of the whole matter iu, “We are foolish and without excuse foolish in speaking of the superiority of one sex to the other, as if they could be compared i n similar things. Each has what the other has not; each completes the other, and is completed by the other; they are in nothing alike, and the happiness and perfection of both depends on each asking and receiving from the other what the other only can give.” Thus does Ruskin in the

beauty of pure simple language ex press himself. Down deep in every human heart is the LONGING FOR A COMPANION. Man desires the companionship of womanly woman, whose influence he feels and knows will guide him aright, even though no word be spoken. For in silence often does the strength of a woman’s quiet goodness do its work of refining, strengthening, and uplifting of soothing and weaving into the arduous days a weft of heartfelt cow-

I fort and ..peace. To do this “slio ‘ must bo onduringly, incorruptibly good, instinctively, infallibly wiso. ! .■ . wiso, not that sho may sot 1 horsolf abovo her husband, but that sho may never fail from his side.” Moroovor, ho is masterful and likes to fool lior dependence on his strength and powers to provido, but thinks I himself blest if ho is tlio protector, I ‘staff, and stay of a noblo woman privileged to givo him tho

BEST OF HER WOMAN HOOD

And tho woman! Is tlioro nothing sho dosirosp Yes. How much, nonu but slio can toll. The loving affections of some one quito her own to nniko her life complete the longings for lior own home, and all that it moans to lior in the present day and tlio days to come, whon tho present is folded in the past; the companionship, too, of one who is privileged to give lior the best of liis manhood—these slio desires as slio contemplates answering a suitor for her life and hand. A woman, though happy in tlio possession of friends and rich in acquaintances knows full well that sooner or later tlioy drift on, blit her own ties and the counterpart of her own life aro a source of joy and interest to her for ever.

Now, if these aro tho motives for

marriiage—with Love as tho prompter goes without saying—and I think tlioy aro of tho class of men and womon who aro seeking tho good and true, can ill come of it ?j True, that ofton the first years of married life are full of minor troubles anr perplexities, for after all two people

with the best intentions and hearts possible have much to learn of eacli other, and consequently misunderstandings and hurt feelings must necessarily be the result until they are more attuned or ready to bear and forbear. If one were to consider tho lives and homes of a dozen mar-

ried couples among friends they know intimately, I think ten out of tho twelve could be judged as liappy and consider themselves “happy couples,” no matter what others might think of their union. One may say “I could never be. happy with So-and-So, he is so crude.” That may be, but to bis and liis wife’s way of thinking they are

AN IDEAL COUPLE

for all that. The majority of men go forth to labor'for their wives and

families with pleasure day after day, and tho majority of wives await, with pleasure, the home-coming of their husbands, just as glad to tend and wait on them as tho husbands are to go and earn, to provide whatever comfort they can afford. To what does the distress of anxious wives at the mouth of a colliery pit or shaft of a mine, testify, when the news of accident reaches those concerned? Ie the thought uppermost that the means of bread-winning is gone, or is it heartfelt mourning and sorrow for the severed companionship and the dreariness of lone days to come? It certainly testifies that those bereft In such calamities found in marriage the completion of life, even though the days of plenty were not at hand, and little of the worldling’s pleasure came their way. They have realised full well the pleasure gotten from tho heart with its faithfulness, its wealth of love and service, and that these are more lasting treasure than the fledting joys mortals often pursue and find DEAD SEA FRUIT,

imagining they cannot be given up without much loss. Homo to them has been, even be it “the humblest!” the placo of peace, the shelter not only from injury but from all terror, doubt, and division. Failures there Aa vo always been and will be, but the cause is that tho question does

not get the consideration and serious thought given to it that it demands. No stupendous undertaking is taken in hand by man without a lceon scrutiny being given to all sides of the question, so surely this great one should have much attention. If failure is apparently following marriage tho cause of FAILURE CAN EASILY BE TRACED

and soon set right by two strongminded, sensible, level-headed Tieings joined together in ‘holy matrimony,’ anj holy it mqst be, otherwise }t will be a failure; and if it is entbred into in this spirit success must be, but no tlio roughly selfish man can [expect blessings from any union. “Anti-Marriage”and “Mere Man” I am afriad, know little of Love in its entirety, as Paul defines it. They are deploring the LOSS OF PALTRY THINGS

wliilst higher joys may be theirs. “Mere Man” does not understand the meaning of Man, or he would give expression to nobler thoughts over such an ambitious liom eje plume. To be worthy of the title J f “Man” one must be broadminded and incapable of turning back when having put the hand to the plough.

If marriage is undertaken in sanctity the lives of married men and women will be the richest ant) most blest, and their homes strongholds of power, for the betterment of themselves and the Empire. A married woman whom I asked “Do you think marriage a failure?” said 'PNo! anti I have'been married 15 years and have had many ups and downs—more downs than ups, but 't is what one likes to make it.” The following verses are gerinain to the subject: True happiness be born to thee From out thy wedded life: May the joys of Love bo thine, Strongly, deeply intertwine Tho hearts of twain made one. God’s gift is “each to the other For ever and for -aye— To cherish, to exchange hearts’ best, To make it thus a gift full blest. For each and every day, Full completion may you find In your union here: Sanctified and holy be Tile vows made for Eternity, to hold each other dear.

Joy and tranquil peace e’er be In your home abiding, Home, the place of calm and rest, Rich in all esteemed best For your soul’s true guiding. “Home,’’the woman’s place of power, With gentleness her might; 1 Hors the privilege to bo A “household queen” in sanctity, Ruling all for right. Blest be your union, blest your home, God, you with grace endower. Joined thus by His loving Hand, ■ Linked through good and ill to stand In bright or shadowy hour. Blest with His peace to guide you on ‘Til the Master’s face you see, In the realms where all is Love, To perfect there with him above Your life’s full destiny.