THE POLYGLOT PAPERS.

Gisborne Times, Volume XIX, Issue 1572, 30 September 1905, Page 3

THE POLYGLOT PAPERS.

[By Alpha.] I “ A chiel’s among ye takin’ notes, / I An’ faith, bo’ll print them.” I I don’t envy some people, though posI sibly, that may not bo a very praise--1 worthy virtue on my part, as such people I may have little or nothing about tbom | worth envying, But setting aside that I speculative ides, I moet emphatically asI sert that I don’t envy some people, and, I more pointedly to partieularise, 1 don’t I envy the Harbor Board in it] wonderful I performances of - jump-Jim-Crowism, a I Board that wants storeman and foreman I and doesn’t want them, (hat advertiees for I applicants, and engages two of them to I supply a want which they subsequently I discover is not a want, and then throw a bach somersault by promptly showing the door to the newly-engaged who were appointed to supply the waDt that wasn’t a want. This subject is just a little mixed, | but then, our Harbor Beard is rather a mixed quantity, and in matters of administration is sadly ont of its reckoning sometimes as to the definitive distinctions of Fe, Fo, Fnm. If the Harbor Board is so erratic in the conduct cf its long shore business, no wonder the harbor itself indulges in such subaqueous, fiendish little trioks as rolling its invisible silt and mud deposits hither and thither, ebaoging its own soundings with a vioious glee, and keeping Captain Cummiog’s lead line ever on the dip' and stretoh to ascertain its latest mischievous practice of dodgery. Any harbor would feel itself at liberty to take liberties with a supervising Board soaroely less erratio than itself.

And I don’t envy the two disohargpd newlyeDgagsd retainers, who were wanted and not wanted. Bat Ido sympathise with them. To think that yon have been eolected from over a hundred other applicants for a desirable billet after your papers havo been examined and gravely adjudicated upon by the equatio or marine authorities who wanted you. and were no aware that they didn’t want you ; to think that you were actually installed in a prospective life billet, the cosy security of whiob was just beginning to warm you np with a self-gratulatory glow of satisfao . tion, and then to have the warmth chilled to something below freezing point, and every life-long prospeot of emolument knocked to flinders by a sudden rotice to “ quit,” because the Board discovered that it didn’t want wbat it wanted, and wantonly turned on the want that was wanting. To think that—Ugh I Who knows wbat to think, and what are the seoret sensations of the nowly engaged and swiftly discharged, who were permitted to enter a Harbor Board paradise, only to be turned out again after tasting just enough of its lotuses to make them loog for more. Sancho Fanza on his island experienced no greeter illusion, and I heartily sympathise with the two gentlemen who were so heartlessly disenchanted. The next t'me the Harbor Board has a notion of increasing its staff it should publish an advertisement something like this: " The Gisborne Harbor Board hereby intimates that it thinks it wonts somebody to do something. Applicants must dearly understandj that the permanenoy or otherwise of their engagement will depend upon the time the said Board takes to discover whether they are really wanted or not.” Or this “ Tl

'be Gisborne Harbour Board in;mates that it has taken a solemn affidavit before a judge of the Snpreme Court that it cerlahily wants somebody to do something or other. Bona fides will accordingly be guaranteed to all applicants as a pledge of good faith on the part of the said Board.” The above suggestions might be adopted by the said Board with advantage to themselves and with justice to others.

I have a suggestion to make to our local military authority. Capture the Hugardea and hold them in durance (not vile) until they teaoh our brave soldier boys bow to become bullet-proof. Hero is the chance of a lifetime for our bold warriors to reader themselves impregnable with the invisible Hugarde shield of “ Invulnerability.” Consider, good sirs, the tremendous advantages. We could away with expensive fortifications, with intricate, scientific war manoeuvres, oue New Zealander could advanoa in the open in his sbirt sleeves and pyjamas, and demolish ten, or a hundred thousand of the enemy, while the enemy’s bullets would drop from him as harmlessly as peas from a pod, we could spread terror among the nations, conquering whom we liked, where we liked, and where we liked without shedding one drop of New Zealand blood. We oould reader battleships, torpedo boats, 12-poundors, Maxims, torpedoes, shells, rifles, and all other now deadly weapons and missiles as harmless as penny pop-guns, and, to crown all, we oould exact tribute from the awe-stricken nations who would pay up without demur, and be glad to save their skins at the price, while the Treasurer’s budget would Bbow an ever increasing surplus that would soon make every man a millionaire 1 We could dictate (he peace of the world, and—well, oaptuie the Huga-dea and let them not go until their secret is ours, then—the millenium 1

"Gisborne ia to be congratulated and felioitated upon tbo brick-and-mortar enterprise that is fast adorning its streets with dignified architectural edifices that vie, in point of comeliness and beauty, with buildings in more pretentious cities. Our Post offioe ia “ a thing of beauty,” and, comparatively speaking, “ a joy for ever.” Tbe Public Library, and business pnmises adjoining (not merely “ shops " good sir) are ditto, and tbe itructures now being raised into an imposing architectural existence will still further illustrate and emphasise the coming architectural grandeur of this favored town. All this is an evidence that we are a people of "grit and go,” a self-reliant, pusb-abead people, wbo mean to make the most of what they have and add more to it t so creating an industrial, aud arohiteoturally ipeaking, a palatial aa well aa a com-

I moroial moruorial oi thomsolvos, but what I will undoubtedly bo a noblo heritage lot I their children and children's obildron, of which they will bo patriotioally proud, a I oontro of enterprise and progress that will I bo a powerfully and prosperously throbI bing pulse in tho life of this fair laudi a { marl of wealthy merohandiso and of growI ing greatness to which tho Quoon of Sboba I vriuTd hevsolf dolight to oomo! (N. 8.I ohargo tho oditor more than a ponny a line for that burst of oloquonoo.) Wo may I have Harbor Board oooontrioitios and other little poooadilloes, but these arc moroly " divarshuns ” by tho wayi to make things racy and pleasant! but, principally, wo arc a solid poople, a goahead people, an obstaolc-levelling people, dostinod to lies distinguished people, uud, of oourse, I’m one of thorn 1