An Effect of the Woman's Franchise,

Feilding Star, Volume XV, Issue 317, 18 May 1894, Page 2

An Effect of the Woman's Franchise,

As Experienced by Old Grumble. ♦ " Unsez me here !" said Lady Macbeth. And Grumble declares that Mrs Grumble did so to him when she went off to a political debate, or meeting of the prohibition league the other night leaving him to mind the baby, with full instruc tions as to the feeding, bathing, and putting of it to bed Grumble, feeling that the task was more than he could manage single handed, went down (after Mrs Grumble had gone) to the livery stables and interviewed the 'ostler there ; Said he : " You know a bit about rear* ing young animals don't you, Bill?" " Rather,' 1 said Bill. " Did you ever put a baby to bed " asked Grumble. " Can't say as ever I did " said Bill. " Why ?" "Because I've got one and I almost forgot how to do it Do you think you could manage it?" asked Grumble. "I'll try" said the obliging hostler, and Grumble returned to the house with bis assistant where they were soon rummaging the contents of a basket full of mysteries, smoking their pipes, with thei? heads close together, as they bent over it. " What's this ?" said Bill, opening a box from which, a cloud of dust puffed out. " Smells nice." Grumble answered with some uncertainty "I think that's what she makes its food with. But what's this ?" holding up a narrow roll of linen. 11 Oh ! they're for binding the animals legs with. I expect it's got a bit of a spavin," answered Bill. "But what's this tool for," picking up a thermometer and reading out " Blood heat." " Oh ! that is to get the bath the right heat with ; the wife is very particular about that," explained Grumble. " Then as we know what all the things are for, suppose we begin," suggested Bill, and they did. Getting the baby between them, they tried to shake it through its wrappers. Not succeeding that way one got hold of the •bild and the other of the clothes, until eventually the infant slipped out like a peeled banana. " Now for its bath," said Grumble filling a tin with water hot enough to fetch the mercury up to 200, into which Bill was about to thrust the baby, but Grumble accidentally putting his finger into the water it took the skin off, and brought from him an exclamation that in was " D— d hot ! too hot ! " and throwing the thermometer across the room cooled down the water by guess-work, while Bill stood by with the baby ready to plump it in at a signal from its father. Then in it went with a header, to be taken out again and dried off with a rough towel by Bill. Grumble now remembered Mrs Grumble telling him something about violet powder or essence of violets, but was uncertain which, until his eye caught sight of a bottle labelled " Violet." which removed all indecision. He handed it to the hostler with a request that he would " Rub it into the baby." Bill did so until the infant resembled a varigated cupid, and Bill was lead to remark that it was " A sort o' painting the lily to decorate a baby with such embrocation as was black as ink." •• It does, it does," sorrowly responded Grumble, " But it is her wish." " Now put them bandages in cold water and we'll put them on. I see he's weak in the fetlocks." Standing the child upon his legs they doubled under it. " There's something cronk with its stifle too." "No there isn't," retorted Grumble, " its screams are all right." "They are" returned Bill; "Pigs and children are the fractionest animals a man has anything to do with ; but just hold his feet while I clap the bandage on." The first lap was made when Mrs Grumble entered. A slight commotion now ensued, during which Grumble found a seat on the floor in a distant corner of the room until a wave, through the bath upsetting, converted the place into the Oroua in high flood, and floated him outside where, with his pipe, he commented on the folly of man in giving to women the franchise, and waited till he heard by the sound from within that Mrs Grumble had swopped her sobs for snores. Then he entered stealthily and crept to his bed. The last seen of Bill was that he was rushing through the door with his hands clapped to bishead, from which a stream of dark fluid trickled. Nemesis had overtaken him, and smashed a violet ink bottle on bis head,