Old Grumble exhibits his Correctness as a Literary Critic

Feilding Star, Volume XI, Issue 27, 17 August 1889, Page 3

Old Grumble exhibits his Correctness as a Literary Critic

The desire to serve a friend should never prevent one from being impartial, or tend to make us give an unfair decision. Duty first, and serve your friend afterwards, should be our rule through life ; for to give unmerited praise or unwarranted condemnation, is to be dishonest to our friends, unjust to those we are indifferent to, and deceitful to ourselves. Such were the musings of Old Grumble when Mrs Grumble handed him a book, saying : " This was left by your friend the editor for your perusal." "Ha 1 a work of fiction, which I Buppose he wishes me to review, is it not ? " "I think so, my dear G., for as he gave it he made some remark about hoping you would like it, and that you would not be too severe with it if it should prove rather dry." *' I take that to imply a wish that I should make a favourable report upon it. I will see what it is like " ; and bo saying Grumble opened the book and was soon absorbed in it, while Mrs Grumble, taking a seat at the fire, silently plied her needle. Hour after hour passed by without any sound, other than the ticking of the clock, the clicking of the needle, or the occasional ahem ! of the good wife as she cleared her throat, disturbing the quietude of the parlor. At length there came low mntterings of " Deep ! deuced deep !" from Grumble. " What is deep ? " enquired his wife. " The plot, my dear ; it is so artfully laid that I fail to detect it. I thought once that I had discovered it in a ton of worzel, but I lost it again " *' How very interesting ! could'nt you read some aloud, Grumble dear ? It does seem so selfish to keep it to yourself," coaxingly enquires Mrs Grumble. "There lies the difficulty, my dear ! for when I tell you the pathetic, the sympathetic, the descriptive, the emotional, the sensational, the tragic, and the humorous are all blended together in a single sentence of seven words, you will at once utterly see how impossible it is for me sufficiently to inflect my voice in time to do the different feelings to he expressed full justice." "At least, Grumble, you can tell me what the characters are lik»." " The only one I have come across at present is a cow, though doubtless others will appear as I read further on " ; and thus remarking, Grumble again dived into the enthralling pages of what he considered the most mysterious novel he had ever read. Conscientiously wading through every page, and studiously reading twice over any paragragh which appeared hazy in its construction, the timepiece struck the hour of midnight ere he completed his labor. Next morning Grumble duly handed the result of his criticism to his friend, who read with astonishment the following : — " The book is cleverly written, with a deeply laid plot which is not discoverable right through the tale, but that it is founded on fact is perceivable from the very commencement : the scenes are well matured, and conspicuous for their truth- ! fulness to nature, especially the cheese scene, which is thrilling in the extreme ; the chapter describing the cow and the quantity of milk she gave upon the different diets she received is highly humorous. There is a great scarcity of characters, but what there are are undoubtedly drawn from life. Altogether it is a wonderful romance, and it is a pity it was not written in verse." Grumble watched the varying expressions on his friend's face as he read it, and then asked : "Is that flattering enough ? " " Flattering enough for anything, I should think; but I do not understand it " " Not understand it ? Why it is a report of my review of the novel you left at my house." " I did riot leave a novel ! it was an official report on the dairy produce of New Zealand." " The dickens it was 1 I never thought to look at the title page, hut spent five hours in trying to achieye the impossible and get romance out of Government .statistics. However,* I have drawn my "conclusions, and once^njade they are unalterable, so in your notes on review)' you \viit. pjease.to state that your- critic Mnside^4h^..^<Qm(^"-iißpoi*t ; orr- Baity Prodiioe?^^xeiUJ«nt jrotk/- of-nctiott?^