Old Grumble On Phrenology as Applied to Horse Taming, and Tambs one.

Feilding Star, Volume X, Issue 111, 26 March 1889, Page 3

Old Grumble On Phrenology as Applied to Horse Taming, and Tambs one.

Since Karey disclosed to the world his system of horse taming, numerous others have sprung up pi - ofessing to hold the secret of bringing the wildest borse into immediate subjection, each with a 1 ew method, and all declaring tneir own mode the most effectual. But Grumble's phrenological system surpasses them all; by it, the character of the horse is read and acted upon accordingly. Look at " Blinkers" Mrs Grumble, was there ever a more docile beast ? Nothing ever startles him. I have ridden him at reviews and shamfights where, " though fields with gleam- . ing steel be covered o'er," he never flinched, and with pride I relate how, at the siege of Sebastopol he nobly carried me. " Why, Grumble, you were never at the siege of Sebastopol." Yes I was, once, at the Crystal Palace, it was quite as magnificent and nothing like so dangerous as the real thing. I witnessed it all from the road outside the grounds. I considered that close enough to the base of operations for one to be, who was studying the art of war, as I then was. *' And so you have turned horse tamer, have you ?" Yes, I have, and shall this evening, at' the livery stables, give my first exposition of the system. The butcher has lent me a horse, which he assures me is perfectly quiet but rather groggy, but he hoped I would praise it up as he thinks he has a buyer for it. Now grogginess is a new feature in a horse and one that I never noticed before, so I shall certainly make a note of it when I make my examination of the head. That evening the people who assembled at the stable to view the performance saw a horse tethered by the tail to a post behind, while its head was tightly secured by a halter to another post in front, then Grumble appeared, and after assuring bis audience that these precautions were merely taken' to; prevent any feeling of alarm arising in those who might be nervous among the spectators, and were really unnecessary as his system would show, commenced his illustrations by lightly running his fingers over the animal's head, at the same time giving an occasional very coaxing " Wo-a, wo-a, my beauty ;" then his finger stopped, poised just above the ear, sa d " here we find t' 0 organ of destructiveness largely develop ed. This horse would kick a buggy to pieces in a twinkling." Here somebody in the assembly jumped up, but was quickly pulled down, and Grumble saw a fißt shaken, he believed it was the butcher's, but apparently, heedless of the menace his fingers travel on, then again stop, and he continues, " The organ of caution is also very large- and, in consequence, the animal is an incurable shyer." Again the form in the audience arose even more sharply and shaking both fists this time, but was eventually pulled down again by the same friend. Grumble hurried on, *• Here is something very significant, this horse has ahmentiveness in an unusual degree; if it was a human being instead of a horse it would be a drunkard ; indeed its owner tells me that even as a horse it is inclined to be groggy." Grumble cannot understand the reason of the laughter which he now hears and frowns it down, then goes on, " Ha ! What have we here ? The organs both of tune and colour very deficient, this animal we are examining is both color blind and unable to distinguish one sound from another, as I will demonstrate to you herewith." Grumble waves a large red pocket handkerchief with one hand and rattles a kerosine tin with some stones with the other in front of the subject being demonstrated upon. The effect fis startling. The subject" hung back and strained at the halther, then suddenly plunged forward, liberating its tail, but at the expense of all that was hirsute upon it, then it swerved round in the direction of the spectators and exhibited that appendage to them along with a pair of bright hind shoe* ; this was what occassioned the report of the proceedings in the newspaper being so meagre. The reporter had been honoured wiih a front seat, which seat (at this juncture) he hurriedly left, over the back of it, and leaving his scraps of writing behind him. Grumble hopped back with the agility of an acrobat, but he tripped and by the force of the propulsion his hands were thrown up and the kerosene tin flew over his head, alighting fairly, squarely, and upside down upon the butcher's head, fitting him like a hehnet and who, with this warlike head gear still on, at once rushed forward and unceremoniously " took the horse away, thus bringing the exhibition to an abrupt end, for which Grumble was not sorry. Yes, Mrs Grumble, I feel hurt at that man's action but more especially at what he said. "What did he say!" His language was too parliamentary for me to repeat. " Unparliamentary, you mean 1" No, I do not ! I mean parliamentary of the New South Wales type, and now much copied in the English House. But he asked me if I called it praise, what I had said about his horse, and he threatened me with an action for damages done to it by making it rat-tailed. Said he, " Look at it, isn't it a sight." And I admit it was one. But if he puts his threat into execution this attempt to improve the understanding of the people will be the last that will ever be made by Old Grumble.