QUIP AND QUIZ.

Feilding Star, Volume X, Issue 46, 25 September 1888, Page 2

QUIP AND QUIZ.

Mr Editor, — Ladies and Gentlemen*, — allow Quizzy to introduce himself* He has before him copies of the Star. for September Bth, 11th, 15th, 18th, and 22nd, year of grace 1888, and the correspondence column of these issues has set him thinking. "Lord, what fools these mortals be !" laughs Puck, the elfin sprite. "True, O goblin/ answers Quizzy, "and pity 'tis *ti» true"; and a chorus of editors exclaims, "So say we, all of us !" "Who be these "great gods that keep this dreadful pother o'er our heads ?" Verily the Feildrag Horticultural Society is like to make itself a name among the institutions of the land. Learned Doctor, why, oh why, didst thou leave thy pills and thy potions, thy enemas and enigmas, and thrust thy scientific head into such a hornet's nest as this? The snail intruded upon the bees' hive, and was slain for her pains. Knowest thou not that the "sole object" of our Society "is to benefit and assist in the cultivation of fruit, flowers, and vegetables — thereby making our town more attractive to visitors ?" And knowest thou not also that some of us are pro fessional cultivators of " fruit, flowers, and vegetables,-! and that others of us have our private gardens (of which Feilding boasts ony one or two), and ; that a generous Horticultural Society, from func's provided, shall wfe say, f>y ! the general public, rewards oiir gar. den toil with suitable prizes which; ■ : without its aid, we could never, win ? Shall we not; therefore, be members

of a generous Horticultural Society, • and assist in the allocation of prizes ? WhStmore natural? You, mydear Doctor, with your very sad errors in grammar and composition, are one of those troublesome creatures who are always ** wanting to know, you know." Besides, if a generous Horticultural So« ciety can only persuade the public to take to " making our town more attractive to visitors," we professional cultivators Will be able, so to speak, to kill two birds with one stone. And what more pleasant than to feel that we have at once conferred a boon upon society at large, and filled our own pockets ? Such virtue is its own reward. But, "ye gods and little fishes ! who is this great master of the Euglish tongue whose name— "Korero"— isyet so redolent of Maoriland?' And why doth he riot point out the flaws in the composition of other correspondents as well asthoseinthatof Doctor Monckton? <Juizzy's private opinion is that such flaws are : >l thick as autumnal leaves that strew the brooks in Vallombrosa." And how is it that such a master fcnows not the difference betwixt tautology and "apt alliteration's artful aid"? Behold the "biter is bitten! Of a truth, since " Ishmael" departed, there hath not arisen in Feilding a greater master of composition than •" Korero"; nevertheless Quizzy is .greater than he. (Memo.— Quizzy's trumpeter is dead.) " One more unfortunate," &c. This time her name is " Hagar" Poor superficial creature, who pretends to take rank as a critic, when she cannot distinguish between the miserable stuff scribbled by her dear son, the Mar ton correspondent, and the really •excellent composition of the first •• Ishmaeiy ' letters ! To anyone able to judge it is evident that the two men iave nothing in common ; and Quizzy may be allowed to suggest that perhaps the Marton correspondent is no other than one of the first *• IshmaelW opponents (which orie, bo matter), burning'with desire of revenge, and attempting to wreak that revenge by signing his silly stuff with the now ■well-known name, and dating from IFeilding, so as to show that our old .enemy's " departure" was a myth. Poor ' Hagar I poor unfortunate ! So jour amiable son of Marton is " not light in his mind," isn't he? Dear,, idear! '" Hereditary tendency, shall we say ?, The mother's qualities appearing in her son ? Well, well! Ooaeeraing "Tut-tut-tut and What's-iiis-name and likewise Yoii-know-wiio," dear Mtr Editor, you may expect to tear avon from your faithful ' : •■■•■••' Quizzy,