Old Grumble on Freedom and Free Trade

Feilding Star, Volume VII, Issue 1, 13 June 1885, Page 2

Old Grumble on Freedom and Free Trade

» The words Freedom and Britain are identical. Freedom is intensely British, it is the Briton's heritage, won for him by his ancestors through generations of sturdy resistance alike to despotic temporal power, and to the thraldom of arrogant priestly intolerance, until, as the hard quartz rock beneath theiron stampers crumbles away, yielding up the treasure it has for ages held imprisoned, so the grip of absolute r power has vanished, the gyves of superstition been shaken off bj the persistent efforts of a determined people, > and only Golden Liberty left behind, the bright possession of ns of the present day, and, with the warm and generous feelings which freedom engenders, we share impartially the boon with our less favoured fellow men. No matter what his clime, the stranger is assured that on British soil freedom is as much his right as it is that of tha sons of Britain. What more flattering tribute could be paid to the liberty of our lawß than the long roll of names of men willing to make this their nation by alienating themselves from the land of their birth, and asking to become naturalised subjects of England ? It is grander than subjugation, more glorious than conquest. Grumble grows jubilant at the thought of it, and is about to sing that soul stirring: anthem " I'll be free and easy -still" (when a twinge ,of the gout tones down his exuberant spirits) for ta him freedom bears a charm so potent, that he attaches himself at once to every* thing which bears its name. Yes Mrs G., Grumble is a Freemason, a Freethinker, a Freetrader-and-and-a- ----" Freebooter" Mrs G. sarcastically suggests, which calls forth the remark from Grumble " there is but one step from the sublime to the ridiculous Mrs G., and you have performed that vulgar feat. Yon doubt whether I 1 know the meaning of these words I M have mentioned do you ? Ido though Freemasonry is a society I am hot at^H liberty to divulge the secrets- of^^J " Then it has no right to use the word tH if it won't let a man tell the wife of m his bosom all their little goings on." _\ Grumble here explains how Solomon V was the founder of the society, conse- ■ quently if had told aU his wives of its ; I its secrets; they wonld to v& been secret* %•■ no longer. MrsG. her^makes men- " I tion of her hu&band's deltre to foUovr 1 Solomon in respect of wives, at which . 1 his shoulders shrug, and he hurries on 1 to Froethought, a subject he admits ha j knows nothing about, but declares that there is one good thing about it, which is its being humane in not consigning disbelievers to eternal torments, which, in Grumble's opinion, means nothing j less than an everlasting attack of the -A m

gout. As for Free Trade, that is best defined by saying it is opposed to Protection. As this definition was given, for a moment all was silence ; a lurid light shone in Mrs G.s specs — so lurid that Grumble almost expected to see "Hastie's Hotel" appear in white letters upon them. Then came the explosion—" Just like your selfishness; when the Russians come of course you can run away, but what will become of us poor women without any Protection? True the Home Government have promised us ten torpedoes, but that is only doing things by halves. They ought to send one to every woman in the colony to keep T under their beds to let off in case of burglars or Russians coming while their husbands are away." Here, oarried away by her feelings, Mrs Grumble made an impromptu handkerchief of her sack apron, and Grumble vows he saw her deliberately rub iihe soap-suds upon it into her eyes to ""•"** them into tears for the purpose of excitj*t% his pity ; but his pity was not to be excited by such fraudulent means, and unimpressed, he answered —"Free Trade, Mrs G., means a full cupboard, comfortable clothing, and good implements to do our work with. Free Trade brings to us the results of and benefits of man's ingenuity from every part of the globe. Protection means a scanty table, ourselves and children poorly clad, and laborious grubbing with clumsy tools. Protection means stagnation while everywhere else is progression." A beam of intelligence now rested on Mrs Grumble's face, and she at once declared herself in favor of Free Trade, even at the risk of becoming an unprotected female. Old Grumble.