Old Grumble gives Capt. Edwin a Hint

Feilding Star, Volume VI, Issue 140, 12 May 1885, Page 3

Old Grumble gives Capt. Edwin a Hint

i '■■t^ — ;. ?,''. ; — ~" '! i.'.'M.-'i. No fairy tales ever related things half so wonderful as those which science is accomplishing. Science is the giant with the seven leagued boots, that overataides all our fallacies, and as it marches on -throws; its- strange light upon hitherto dark matters, so changing- ig.thair : .effept upon us that tne^beliefsand doctrines of ages are discarded, foEtieir errors ,and creeds totter at its nnrecoiiciling^enlightenment. Science not only revolutions the world.and starves humanity; with its wonders, but It penetiptes to other regions and disturbs th>,;. equanimity of gods. Captain"'Eawin telegraphs northerly gales, does he, Mrs GL, eh? And so he may for the next six months with ■afrtfe -without pnee consulting th? barometer," varying -the monotony of. the thing by '/more wind," " stormy, or any 6thsr phraaewithin the category of ffisagreeable weather.. How do I know this, Sirs Grumble ? Didtft you ask me " What are the wild waves saying ?" and that' was .sufficient r f or ( me' to shoulder my telephone, and trudge to' the sea shore with it that I might be able tb afford you the information you desired. . Didn't ask me any sutfh dueßtibii ! "It was merely a duett you were practising ! Then why did you not.say bo before you began, for who ebuld.concieive in |h,6se 'cracked hard tones you werenbt simply asking a question? However, it does, not matter, for on allying my ear— yes. ma'am, the briljv .part about me that is. not assinine, siriee you 'say ao-^-tb the telephone! I heard, above the incessant, murmur of the waters, a— well, a jolly row. It seems that Neptune and the silver footed Goddess had just come upon the cable spanning from one submerged mountain to another the giddy : depth below, when, after many surmises as to the meaning of it, they came to the conclusion it was a present from the creatures abdve, who 'had kindly placed ft therefor, their. amuse- , nient. "A tight rope, by Jove !" ex-, claimed Neptune. "I always swear 5 by my .older brother, Thetis," In; afterwards explained. "So it is!" ejaculated the Goddess, and seizing the old God's trident, in an she was poising and airily— ho, that won't do— atjueoualy dancing in midwater an 4 exjiibitpg her graceful f pet v while Neptune,. . reclining on a , sea weed couch; looked admiringly on, when suddenly the wire became insulated, the trident, flaw put of Thetis's hand, she turned two or three somersaulte, and dame- down at Neptune s feet^-wollpph: Shouldn't use such/-, at word, shouldn't I? . It's slang ? Then it is very appropriate for she was slung considerably; ' arid very much shalten.'Neptunewas astonished. He looked.at, the rope, at Thetis, at his broken wiea,pott,,and then at the rope again- 'he finally articulated; iand as ihis idea possessed him ,he ; used; some . exceedingly strong, language (perhaps it was not too strong, for a god,: but Grumble bcuiig only poor mortality, he couldn't think of repeating^it);^" Where' is Britania;" he asked, " the custodian of the.seas ? It ill' beseems' her to allow such 'tricks to be played up^jher favorite god. Bhe empress of the ocean! Why she is npt fit to rule aiwashingrtub.Vi Then swinging, his aegis he lashed the ocean until he nearly caused a tidal' wave, and^ harnessing-' fiis sea horses to the j new state carriage, made from the' latest vnfeefc:^ H^' drove ( to ; Vulckn ; to get thejfaiden^ repaired, aridon return- ' ing sent to, an .order, for a gross ., of extra stroiig gales, a case of h^rri-, canes, and a packet pf qyclones, and to Jovethe's^toisidng* him: to forward a number' of^iJie'inost destructive lightnings, 'Instead^f" the annual supply' of ordihATy ohes L Wnieh ) Neptune lets' off whenever.he has ajollification. c Thetis tried; W -pacifyjliini,; ,^ut it^was.no g 0 • and' !he - yowea ]fc]iat : .' the .elements , of destruction,' lift. vfQvilJL vjisit upon , the earth should, .betiso. tremehdouC that, the largest* torpedoes 1 will ; be as' guncaps and'OUirleigkfcyitoiigUnstfß harmless as Chinese crackers compared tb theffi? y Gruriible ;> thanjes, science / for the : fnt*enii6h ? of ' the 1 telephone 'th^ii, has Lenabled^.b.im tcroverhear al}.^. and,.perhapß.e.^ab;e yaptajn.; Edwin to, aTeftb r ft-,?onßi4e^able amount of mischieti.K 07-AL i« tm'.;v*Qiav Qeumbli:. i