Old Grumble on Memory and Mayoralty

Feilding Star, Volume VI, Issue 136, 2 May 1885, Page 2

Old Grumble on Memory and Mayoralty

The development of ancient arts, and the discovery of new ones being the order of the day, Grumble considers it incumbent en him to be the originator of one. We have "thought readers" and " spirit raisers," but 'up to the present time, jwu^.- ©n» has attempted to control memory. When I started for the Soudan 1 its war correspondent to that powerful journal " The Australia," :from the editorial chair of which emanates those brilliant articles, the wiadomof which directs the world, decides the destiny of nations, and causes monarchs to tremble on their thrones ; or (as these beings but seldom use those seats it is more probable their beds they tremble in) as they hear the name of that powerful journal, that Southern Light, shrieked out beneath their window by the news boy. Yes, they tremble ; or at least they would if they only happened to take in that paper, which, they never do, although it is only a penny, and if they did take it in the editor wouldn't be so hard on them. When I started upon that journey, Mrs Grumble, and asked you- ; aot to> forget me, didn't yon make answer melo-dramatically: "While memory holds a seat in this distracted. brain, I will remember thee!" But I Imow very well that as soon as my back was turned you forgot all about me, . •'No you didn't though, and when /most distra >ted thought of me most!" Whatever brought such fond recollections of me to your mind, may I ask madam? Ah! when most distracted by the bills coming in, and no money to pay them with, you remembered me, andcthat I never sent you any remittance. Tour remark decides me, Mrs Grumble^ that it is imperative that "memory directing" as a science should be started at once. At present there is nd unison. Some forget one thing, some another, whereas if this science existed we should all remember alike, «nd the same forgetfulness would eoine^upon us all. Then don't you see, my dear, that as a Director how everyone would remember what they owed me, but my debts would- be entirely forgotten, whereas at present it is no use my forgetting what I owe : the creditors will remember rail ' about it. That peculiar contraction in the muscles of your nose you are exhibit ing, Mrs Gk, assures me you don't think I can; but I will. lathe meantime the Mayoralty of this Borough is vacant. I shall go in for the honour. " Sha'nt get a vote, sha'nt I?" I beg to differ with you. Why, aIT the re* quirements of the office are embodied in me. I have them in profusion ! My portly form alone ensures success ! " A fair round belly with good capon lined " (Grumble with pardonable vanity here pats his waistcoat "approvingly) is a necessity for a Mayor. Do you think the burgesses would elect a "lean and slippered pantaloon" as Mayor ? It would never do to liave their highest civic dignitary presiding at a banquet if, like Borneo's apothecary, •' meagre were his looks ; sharp misery had worn him to the tkme!" " Bather have the apothecary than the ornaments which graced Ids " shop, Would they?" By that I presume, Mrs G., you mean that I resemble an " alligator stuffed," or other skin of some ill shaped fish. Well, I will waive that qualification, for my borrowing powers are all-sufficient, as all the street knows-— from the lejnder of the bellows, to the poor victim who had her perambulator smashed the first go with your weight, when you fancied you were an invalid and wanted to be wheeled in it, while the 'owner thought you borrowed it only for musical Master Grumble to be trotted out in. Yes, I will go in for borrowing all I can, and the money shall be evenly and impartially distributed all over the Borough— after the improvements around my own properly have been completed ! (of course is if anything is left, which I don't think there will be). "The people will want to know what has become of the money, will they f" Then if they are so impertinent, , I shall charge them with ingratitude, assume a. dignified displeasure, .and resign ! . i ßr "sp doing I shall avoid the shoaisa^^ quicksands former Mayors have 'MS wrecked upon, and retire in honour. Yes, if I am elected to be Mayor, Feflding will prosper; and if Feildinsr does not. Old Grumble wfli. ' • .■ „ ( „ , •; , CJxjd Q*tool*. [Old Grumble is "a day behind the fair}" as the vacant ehsir> now filled.— Ed. Bxiß."} ' ■