STOP BEING A BORE!

Evening Star, Issue 22458, 1 October 1936, Page 13

STOP BEING A BORE!

HOW TO ENJOY TALKING — AND LISTENING

There are some people to whom conversation is the art of stopping others from talking. Inevitably they are bores. A bore is a man who talks about himself when you want to talk about yourself (states a writer in an English paper). 1 Many things are so obvious that we never do them. How often do we remember to consider—without drawing attention to it —the age, position, social status, and education of the people we talk to? Say to the stripling with the darkly promising upper lip: “ Can I trouble you, sir, for a match?”—and he will probably carry matches for the rest of his life.

Younger persons want to be reassured about certain _ things. Striving for maturity and independence from their parents and other adults, the idea of being independent and mature dominates their minds.

To imply that they are experienced in worldly adult matters is to help their esteem for themselves and for you.

“ Madam, I am sure you were brother and sister.” Say that to the mother of the stripling and she is reassured.

“ My dear, what face cream do you use, and where can I get it?” The middle-aged will never resent being thought youthful. They like to be complimented on the symbols of their youth—their vitality, their schoolgirl complexions, their lack of grey hair, f They are proud, too, of the things they have worked and striven for, and like to have them admired: a baby car, a new radio, a cottage in the country, their children.

Most of us are tactless with older people. “Why, my dear sir, you amaze me. I should never have suspected that you and Mr So-and-So are the same age.” Older people like to be considered younger than their contemporaries. They like you to know that they are not yet on the shelf; are still active and independent. They prefer you to congratulate themon their knitting or gardening, or on the interesting experiences they must have had, rather than on their grandchildren. They like to be asked for advice.

It pays—within reason —to stimulate, irritate, and contradict those in a superior position to you and to encourage your subordinates. That will gain respect and notice from above, co-operation and affection from below. •

When talking to those who you feel have had a wider education and a greater experience of certain things, use your own words, your own accent, your own manners, and you will be respected. If you like, exaggerate them slightly. You all know the “ knocker.”

He is always destructive, cynical, argumentative—finds faults, picks holes, juggles with words, splits hairs. He is not out to learn, lias no intention of modifying his opinions, intends only to prove his point and satisfy his vanity. Dr Johnson—famous in history as a great talker—belonged, I am afraid, to this negative-minded class. He could kill a fallacy with ridicule—but had never an idea to substitute for it.

Avoid these negative-minded people who can only argue and destroy. If you must meet them, say nothing and leave soon. They can’t help you. They can’t help themselves. Seek the open-minded people who enjoy a discussion for its own sake and are willing to modify their opinions when they see a reasonable cause for it. THE GOOD TALKER. (1) Knows how to pay the compliment of listening, and avoids those who cannot. (2) Talks well and much when he first meets people, so that later his reputation for good talk will carry him through many silences. (3) Varies the tempo of his talk; rapid to estimate, and slower to emphasise and impress. (4) Does not choose to convey bad news or unpleasant criticism unless it is his duty. (5) Prefers discussion to argument, being constructive to being destructive: is sparing with scathing wit and cruel humour. THE BAD TALKER. (1) Keeps up his end of the conversation by a third degree of interminable questions. _ - (2) Relieves Ins unhappiness at the cost of his popularity by unloading his worries and Ins grievances. If nothing else, it is bad manners.