BY THE WAY

Evening Star, Issue 20056, 22 December 1928, Page 2

BY THE WAY

[By Q.V.]

“ Thr lime has comp,'* the Walrus * To talk of many Ihings.”

We do not often read reports of speeches of any kind, believing with tho versifier that one is very much like another:—

And commonplace and compliment Are mingled o’er and o’er, This saves tho trouble to invent The mixture as before.

Wo did, however, read the remarks of the chairman of the Stock Exchange at the annual meeting of that body the other day. Mr Beeves was quite lyrical as to tho present position and future prospects of tho dominion, though this optimism was somewhat discounted by a later admission that “their” (i.e., sharebrokers’) “great difficulty was to find sound New Zealand investments for their clients,” frequently they had to send good money to Australia, where it was warmly welcomed. “ Come in and sit down,” said the Australians, “and don’t think of leaving us. You are quite welcome, and wo can do with more, like you, Mr Beeves.” The picture of a sharebroker racking his brain to find good investments for his clients is a touching one. We, in our ignorance, always thought of sharebrokers as men who bought what they were asked to buy, and sold what they were asked to sell, without emotion, but it seems we were mistaken, and we must admit that the broker who sold us 500 shares in Block 291 many years ago was an Australian, and therefore with no soul for anything but commissions. Block 291 is probably still in situ, but is certainly not a reproductive work, nor likely to be so, and wo have • long ago written oft tho cost of the shares to experience.

A lady, and a newly-married one at that, has flown over Cook Strait, and thereby created a record. Of the millions of her sisters down the ages who will follow her, none will be able to say truthfully, “ I was tho first woman to fly a plane across Cook Strait.” It is in its way, a thought not wanting in a certain solemnity. To bo tho first person to do anything is to open sluices which may unloose floods little recked of at tho time. Possibly one of Mrs Buckley’s successors may save her country by dying over Cook Stdfiit and dropping a thousand or so volumes of Hansard on the decks of an invading fleet. When Eve ate the apple, probably she only thought that an apple a day keeps the doctor away. She did not dream that she was creating the Labour Party, _ and supplying a reason for the existence of Mr Holland, and others far more dangerous to society. According to science, nothing is lost, though it admits that a good deal of energy gets mislaid in space, and might as well be lost altogether so far as we are concerned. Heaven alone knows what tho after-effects of this method of spending a honeymoon may be. A significant sentence says that before leaving, Captain Buckley handed over the controls to Mrs Buckley. It was a wise thing to do. Many a man we know would be better off than he is to-day, had ho handed over control to Ids wife immediately after tho marriage ceremony. As a rule, women bavo more common sense than men. Not invariably. As Mrs Poysor pointed out, God made them to match the men; but the generalisation is as true ns most generalisations, which perhaps is not saying much.

Tho Dove of Peace must he leading a harrassed life these days. Ever since the nations decided that war is worse than a crime—it is a mistake—the poor fowl has hardly had a moments rest. In the bad old days of secret and Government by aristocrats, the bird did have a chance to snatch a few minutes leisure between wars, but since democracy decided that since it foots most of the bills, it ought to have a say in choosing the tune, the Dove has been chivvied from one perch to another till its wings are weary, and on one or two occasions it lost some of its tail feathers before it could escape from the danger zone. One would imagine that Geneva would be a sort of sanctuary for it, but even in that sacred spot, once only disturbed by religious rows and the hatching of anarchist plots, the atmosphere is stormy—so much so that Germany hints strongly that she cannot pick up anything of use to her there, and would be better employed at homo making phosgene gas for export. later on. Uncle Sam is more than willing to see all armaments curtailed except his own, and hints that lie will be content to receive the freedom of the seas, a principle for which he has argued for many years. This means that in any future war he would be free to trade with the more affluent combatants, without any danger of losing his money. In tho meantime he has invented a special gas of his own, guaranteed to wipe out a whole army in five minutes or so. Previously he had been content with Lewisite, which is comparatively mild, and from the effects of which it is possible to recover under favourable conditions. _ No doubt our own land has not been idle, although it does not do any broadcasting on the subject. The St. John Ambulance Association has pubished a little manual on ‘ The Protection of tho Civil Population in Chemical Warfare,’ which is rather suggestive, if dismal reading.

♦ * * *

The only known reader of this column, who resides in Kew, Oaversham, where the mountain breezes sharpen the intellect, writes asking for an explanation of a sentence in last week s notes regarding thto Reverend, or should it not be “ the ex-Reverend ’ S. Robertson Orr. Wo said that the latter gentleman’s offence was a serious one in a minister, particularly m a Presbyterian minister, and the latter clause is the one on which information is sought. We greatly fear that the motive of the query is to impale us on the horns of a dilemma, or at least entangle us in a theological dispute in which we would be worsted, as wo feel in our bones would be the case. The easy course would bo to employ the formula of a Government department in a tight place, and say that the matter cannot now be reopened, but when an authentic reader presents himself one naturally does not desire to antagonise him in any way. If the inquirer had given any indication of his own creed the task would have been easier; as it is we can only say that since the days of John Knox, the Presbyterian Church has always frowned with special severity on incontinence, rightly classing it'as “ one of these awful sins you loso money by,” which Mr Orr can doubtless confirm. Abernethy’s ‘ Physicke for the Soulo ’ enjoins us to “ beat down thy body and bring it to subjection, by abstaining not only from unlawful pleasures, but also from! lawful and indifferent delights,” and in the regulations drawn up for the guidance of a colony by the kirk, it was decreed that no husband should kiss his wife, or a mother her children, on the Sabbath Day. A church with such principles was not likely to overlook any shortcomings on , the part of its ministers. Mr Orr, by, the way, seems to have escaped from the hands of his illwishers, and to have gathered together a congregation which considers him innocent, and backs its opinion by guaranteeing him an annual salary of £5,000. We fear this should read 5 000 dollars, but even so, one can face the future with some equanimity cm £I,OOO per annum.

To ul! good readers of the ‘Star’ 1 send the season’s gi actings—. s May nothing come about to mar Their happy household meetings; L hope that Christmas will be lino, Not rainy, cold, or blowing, But just all day of bright sunshine Wherever they arc going.' ‘

May everything they eat and drink Agree with their digestion. And leave them sober, fit to think, Or answer any question. May all their Christmas presents be The very things they wanted, And may this coming season see Their fondest wishes granted.

1 lio:pe Otago’s men may win The Blanket Shield and hold it, And smite each bull whcmtliey go in, And grieve the man who bowled it. Our 14-footer, may she sail With all her human cargo, And bring, in spite of calm or gale, The Cup to old Otago.

There may be tiino to . grieve and grouse And feel depressed and blighted; But—just for once—let every house With happiness be lighted. May all the unemployed find work, And all the shops find buyers, And happy faces form a circle Bound all festive fires.

May Coates cheer up—he’s Leader now Of all the Opposition, And do his best to show ns how He suits his new position. May every mother’s son assist To keep him in that billet; I wouldn’t be an optimist If Gordon didn’t fill it!

So let us all keep watch (and Ward!) And laugh at past stagnation, For now, at least, we can afford To feel some jubilation. And now New Zealand can safely say, Since nothing can upset her, That all the day and every way Her state is getting better.

True, Christmas comes but once a year, But this one is a hummer; And we can have thoughts to cheer These happy days of summer. Things got so hot some while ago, Wo suffered from blood-pressure; But now we’ve cast our Coates, and so It’s made ns all feel fresher.