A QUACK IN COURT.

Evening Star, Issue 4079, 23 March 1876, Page 3

A QUACK IN COURT.

The * San Francisco News Letter,’ some time ago, instituted an inquiry into the antecedents of the various medical men in the city. “ It was to be expected,” says our contemporary, “that we should have to encounter manifold libel tribulations when we made so thorough and effective a raid upon the numerous band of quacks, abortionists, and charletans who abound in our midst.” The latest case was that of “Dr.” Flattery v. Frederick Marriott of the ‘News Letter,’ set for trial in the Police Court yesterday afternoon. Colonel Barnes, attorney for the defendant, moved to dismiss the complaint, claiming that according to the definition of the term libel, in the Code, the pubHeation in question would not come under that .head. Judge Louderback held a different opinion, as the article calls the complainant a quack. Dr. Flattery then mounted the stand, and presented a tattered, weather - stained piece of sheepskin, the words on which were nearly illegible, and announced that that was his diploma. He had been in possession of it some twenty-five years, and he read it for the edification of Colonel Barnes and the Court, and then confidently awaited the questioning which was to prove how basely and falsely he had been slandered in the article denominating him a quack. The questions of. Colonel Barnes elicited the statement that Jn the - of 1850 he graduated Oiucimiati Eclectic Medica - xiiatltute. Upon this siatqfileitt.Colonel Barnes produced a papei', which flattery acknowledged to be in his writing, stating, in answer to inquiries by the ‘News Letter,’ that he had graduated from the Ohio Medical College, The paper was passed to Flattery, who, being suddenly attacked With nervousness, tore it in two. For this ill-timed exhibition of temper the Judge fined him 20dols. The doctor than explained that he had written the paper for the noble purpose of humbugging “the slimy den,” as he styled the ‘News Letter ’ office. The doctor’s memory was rather peculiar, though not inconvenient, for though he failed to remember the students in his class, as also any work that he had ever studied at college or anywhere else, he fortunately recollected having prepared a thesis on the subject of “ Noorollergy.” Colonel B. —“Noorollergy,” eh ! Now, doctor, won’t you please spell that word? Faint mumbling from the doctor. Col. B. —A little louder, please. (Mumbling again.) Col. B,—Now, doctor, you have been storming at me like a boatswain in a gale of wind, but when I ask you to spell this word, what with your indistinct voice and the caressing way in which you manipulate your nose, I can’t catch a sound. The Doctor (defiantly)— N-e-u-r-o-M-o-g-y Col. B.—Good. Now, won’t you please tell us what is “ neurollogy Doctor—Your Honor, I protest against such an examination, as it has nothing to do with the case. Col. B.—Now,

doctor don’t begin sparring at me. You know it is my painful duty in this case to remove all masks and show yon Up as an ignoramus. You ought to take the right view of the matter.' Will you tell us what is the popular meaning of the term caedua ? Doctor —Don’t know ; I never had a case. Col. B.—Ybur medical experience has been Somewhat limited. 'Allow me to inform you that caedua is the technical term for a common boil. Now, doctor, what are the’bones of the leg? Doctor—The femur (pause). Col. B.—ls that all ? Doctor—l am not prepared to go into all the unimportant minutiae of anatomy in this case. It is frivolous and unprofitable. The case was frequently interrupted ■by roars of laughter from the audience, in which were quite a number of medical gentlemen, and even the gravity of his Honor was not proof against the unparalleled ideas of the Col. B. —Well, we have some new facts in surgery, let’s take up medicine. What is materia medica ?—Doctor—The materials' of medicine. Col. B.—What is therapeutics? Doctor—lt is a—a —part—part of materia medica. ‘ Col. B.—Yes ; what works have you read on materia medica? Doctor— l don’t remember, sir. I have not locked into a book for fifteen years. Col. B.—Been practising medicine all that time ? Doctor— X don’t mean exactly that; I mean that I haven’t studied them. Col. B.—Well, will you tell what work the heart performs ? Doctor (ineffably sarcastic) — I presume, sir—l presume—that it aids you in living—that is, I presume so. Col. B.— Oh, you do. Well, Doctor, what do you presume is the bone that terminates the spinal column ? Doctor—The—a—l’m afraid I can’t spell it; the eoccygem or coccyges. Col, B. (gravely)— The coccygem. Well, willyoU tell me. Doctor, if this bone is ever ossified ? Doctor—Yes, sir ;id some cases. And so the examination proceeded, the witness exhibiting an ignorance of medical matters that a grammar school pupil would. be ashamed of. Among the other startling ideas advanced by him were, that the lungs are for breathing ; craniology and gynechology are synonymous terms, meaning the science of the crane ; and that the usual method for producing an abortion was by falling from a housetop. Colonel Barnes offered in evidence catalogues of both institutions from which the witness claimed to have graduated, neither catalogue containing his name, either as graduate or student, With regard to the antiquated piece of parchment called his diploma. Geo. C. Hickox, an expert, examined it and gave as his opinion that the date had been erased and re-written, and that the Professors’ signatures were so similar that they were very probably all executed by the same hand. Flattery admitted that he had tinkered it up a little, having gone over his own name with ink. It was patent to all that the fellow was an utter ignoramus, however authentic his diploma might be, and the case was dismissed. He was then called upon to pay his fine, but, being unable to procure it, was locked up until morning, when it was forthcoming.