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MRS STUM.

If all women were as cool and matter-of-fact as Mrs Stum ! But she is one of a thousand. She was over at Mrs Moody’s, on Macomb street, the other day, her iron-grey hair combed down flat, and her spectacles adjusted to gossip range, when she suddenly rose and said: “ Mrs Moody, be calm. Where do you keep the camphor bottle V’ “ Why V asked the surprised Mrs Moody. “ Because they are bringing vour husband through the gate on a board 1 I think he’s mashed dead, but be calm about it 1 111 stay right here and see to things 1” Mrs Moody threw up her arms, and fell down in a dead faint, and Mrs Stum opened the door as the men laid the body on the porch. “ Is he dead ?" she asked in an even tone, “ I think so,” answered one of the men; “ the doctor ’ll be here in a minute.” The doctor came up, looking at the victim, and said life had fled, adding, “ His back and four or five ribs are broken.” “ That's sensible, that is,” said Mrs Stum, gazing at the doctor in admira-

tion. “ Some physicians would have said that his vertebrae was mortally wounded, and would have gone on to talk about the 1 larynx/ the ‘ arteries,’ the ‘ optic nerves,’ and the ‘ diagnosis.’ If he’s dead it’ll be some satisfaction to know what he died of. Well, lug in the body and send a boy after the undertaker,” The men carried the body through to a bedroom, and Mrs Stum went back to Mrs Moody, who had revived, and was wailing and lamenting. “ Don’t, Julia—don’t take on so,” continued Mrs Stum. “Of course you feel badly, and this interferes with taking up carpets and cleaning house ; but it’s pleasant weather for a funeral, and I think the corpse will look as natural as life." “ Oh, my poor husband,” wailed Mrs Moody. “He was a good husband, I’ll swear to that,” continued Mrs Stum, “ but he was dreadful careless to let a house fall on him. Be calm, Mrs Moody ! I’ve sent for one of the best undertakers in Detroit, and you’ll be surprised at the way he’ll fix up the deceased.” When the undertaker came in Mrs Stum shook hands, and said that death was sure to overtake every living thing sooner or later. She mentioned the kind of coffin she wanted, stated the number of hacks, the hour for the funeral, and held the end of his tapeline while ho measured the body. Several other neighbours came in, and she ordered them around and soon had everything working smoothly. The widow -was sent to her room to weep out her grief, doors and windows were opened, and as Mrs Stum built up a good baking tire she said : “ Now, then, we want pie and cake and sauce and raised biscuit and floating islands. He’ll have watchers, and the watchers must have plenty to eat.” When the baking had been finished the coffin and undertaker arrived, and the body was placed in its receptacle. Mrs Stum agreed with the undertaker that the face wore a natural expression, and when he was going away she said : “Be around on time ! Don’t put in any second-class hacks, and don’t have any hitch in the proceedings at the grave.” From that hour until two o’clock of the second day thereafter she had full charge. The widow was provided with a black bonnet, a crape shawl, etc.; the watchers found plenty to eat, a minister was sent for, eighteen chairs were brought from the neighbors and everything moved along like clockwork, “ You must bear up,” she kept saying to the widow. “ House cleaning must be done, that back-yard must be raked off, tbe pen-stock must be thawed out, and you haven’t time to sit down and grieve. His life was insured, and we’ll go down next week and select some lovely mourning goods.” Everybody who attended said they never saw a funeral pass off so smoothly, and when the hack had landed the widow and Mrs Stum at the door again? Mrs Stum asked: “ Now, didn’t you really enjoy the ride, after all 1” And the widow, she said she wouldn’t

have believed that she could have stood it so -well. — 1 Detroit Free Press.’

Permanent link to this item
Hononga pūmau ki tēnei tūemi

https://paperspast.natlib.govt.nz/newspapers/ESD18751026.2.20

Bibliographic details
Ngā taipitopito pukapuka

Evening Star, Issue 3953, 26 October 1875, Page 3

Word count
Tapeke kupu
721

MRS STUM. Evening Star, Issue 3953, 26 October 1875, Page 3

MRS STUM. Evening Star, Issue 3953, 26 October 1875, Page 3

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