A PILL FOR "MASTER HUMPHREY."

Evening Star, Issue 3055, 3 December 1872, Page 3

A PILL FOR "MASTER HUMPHREY."

To the Editor. Sir,—.Were I a younger man, of a more canguine temperament, I would have written two months ago to your brother, congratulating him on the bright luminary that appeared in his columns, called “ Master Humphrey.” His first four letters were so clever that most people were interested, if not convinced of the truth of his statements. He could then have retired with honor ; .and, had bis friends exerted themselves, might have been presented with a watch or a pie ’e of plate. Unfortunately for himself, of late they have become as numerous and frequent as the Bad;/ Tinm leaders on the Californian mail service, so that the general public only laugh, remembering the fable of the boy and the wolf; while the thinking portion ask. who is to sound the alarm; or who will believe it when real danger comes ? It is said that to be a good reformer, you must only look at one side of a question. In that respect “Master Humphrey” stands as pivot man in the first rank, well supported by Grant and Graham. His letters remind nie of a book I read in my early days, named the “ Dialogues of Devils.” Their discordance explains how he sets people by the ears in this our lower world, and shows a telescope, by looking through which at one end a mole-hill becomes a mountain ; reverse it, and the mountain is made into a mole-hill. Now, Sir, if “ Master Humphrey” wore not such a good reformer, he would not only tell us the truth- which he sometimes does but the whole truth—which he never does. His general statement is that New Zealand is heavily taxed—correct; extravagantly so—very possible ; while the burden of all his letters is, that the present Government have brought the ship of .State into this crippled and dangerous condition; that Mr Stafford is the only captain able to take her safely into port. Were be an old colonist, instead of a very “new chum;” did he study Hansard as much as the blue books, he would know that hif captain has already been tried and found wauling. Mr Stafford put Captain Weld out on the charge of extravagance (a favorite one with him), and for trying to raise a bottomry bond in the shape of a Stamp Act; yet no sooner is as good a crew ;.s ever we had discharged, than C'apt, Stafford, feeling himself safe for the voyage not only rai-cs the Stamp fond, but also supplements the ship’s stores by largely increasing the tariff. Economy and retrenchment with a vengeance ! When he writes, comparing the San Francisco Mail St rvice with that by way of Suez, the same excuse of being a new chum must be made or that his strong political feelings lead him to follow in the track of the Da'dif Times, Let him turn to that journal for the years 18(13 to 1865 when there was no opposition to the Suez route, and tell us what time the mail took reaching Otago, let alone the rest of the Colony, and at what cost, it is only nonsense to try and make a comparison now when the P, and 0. Company are lavish in expense, and straining every nerve to induce the Australian Colonies to agree to a fortnightly service. “Master Humphrey’s” other letters display dotage, combined with vory“ strong political feeling”; they may entrap the very ! ignorant, but even unlettered common sense laughs them to scorn—(no wonder “Countryman” says he never reads them.) If he was an honest, instead of a paid writer, why not separate the war loans and the interest, for which the present Government are not responsible. from the current expenditure? Comparing the latter with that of other Colonies, reinembeiing that a small scattered population must cost more in proportion to govern than a large condensed one, why not tell the people that for the future the Savings Banks account is to be a separate one? Why, too, not ask Mr Short, of the Australian Mutual Insurance Company, on the subject before “Master Humphrey” makes such a simpleton of himself by stating that the medical fees are in all instances, except in that of the New Zealand Government, paid by the insurer? Why, sir, I would feel ashamed of a hoy in the high School; nay, even a district one, who could not see jihat the large medical fees paid were a sign of prosperity, instead of the contrary. “Master Humphrey” appears to have frightened some people with his figures : few have time or opportunity to wade through blue books and correct him. The only department he has given ns a standard to go by is the Customs, and there he horrified me. The enormous increase in two years of from to 5 per cent, in the collection of Customs revenue, without any rush to Auckland and the Thames; without any necessity of watching vessels clearing out from Northern ports for fiji, returning and landing their bonded goods on our small coast — I see that the i present year it is 4,1 per cent.—viz,, oti- ! mated revenue, L 824.250 • estimated' oxpen- ; diturc, L 37.808. Why, Sir,' a loan of : L 4,000,000 for a Nfltiyd v,’ar is 'UPre trifle | to this. 'Wfop I read 5, pey cent. I knew it was all up wjth Nyw Zealand : like Mr Stafford, before the crash” came I resolved tq sell QUt, but. unfortunately, although an old “ Pilgrim,” I had nothing to sell, What! Now Zealand with her small coast, and only •2o ports of entry, spends the fearful sum of 5 per cent, in collecting her revenue ! Please, “Master Humphrey,”’ tell us what it costs Victoria, with her ten parts ; then compare Tasmania, South Australia, and New South Wales, giving us poor simple colonists the result." “ Master Humphrey’s” last production coutainecl more truth than all his other letters put together, and yet how childish to

even uneducatd common sense. “Dispatch” has gien an example (although I believe in erro); I will go much further. Say a member c our Chamber of Commerce writes to Melburne for ten tons of sugar, because the stole is short in Dunedin ; it is the last thing ot of steamer; put into empty lighter; said Ijhter goes alongside a ship commencing tc discharge ; Harbor Company’s steamer) take all drapery of such ship ; the lightr is ten days before she is loaded ; a S. W.wind blowing, and she does not tow up ; sops in Fort Chalmers four days for a fair wind ; when she arrives at Dunedin there re two wet days in which she cannot discharg ; and even then the ship’s cargo must firstho got out, so that it may be three weeks bfore our friend can get his sugar. In tlu meantime a vessel arrives from Mauritiua.and he has to put up with a loss instead of : profit. * In all seriouness, it is too bad that such men as Dr Fetherstoa, Messrs Hall. Reynolds, Macandcw, and even Stafford, who have spent theuest part of their lives in the service of the Colony, should be at the mercy of ever; “penny-a-liner” who may visit our shore. Let “ Master Humphrey” take the poet’sad vice, and Seize upon tilth where’er ’tis found, Amongst yuv friends, or amongstyour foes; On Christianor on heathen ground, The flowexdivine, where’er it grows.”

Let him go a law reporter for two years ; learn wisdom rora the judge’s summing up ; and he may yt become a planet in our hemisphere, ins ted of a star that diminishes every time it bines. —I am, &c., Pilgrim, Dunedin, November 29.