POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXX, Issue 85, 7 October 1940, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

Mass—Muss—Mess—Musso

Gordon. —There is one thing the toper can't indulge in—sober reflection. « # # Fun in the news (California daily): ) "Kuida's skull was fractured, and he i was not given a chance to live by att tending physicians." r * ♦ * c H. W. Beecher: "The most miserable t pettifogging in the world is that of a • man m the court of his own. con--1 science." > # ♦ • * 1 R.J.P.—A bore is a person who per--1 sists in talking of his own attainments or grievances when you are consumed [ with a desire to tell him of yours. • # * ; BELIEVE IT OR NOT. , ,Dr. William R.,Boyce, a wealthy Los J Angeles eye specialist, filed a suit for 3 divorce, naming a ghost as the co--1 respondent. He claimed that Mrs. 1 Boyce met the ghost, Sho-Sha, at a f seance, and fell in love with him after > being persuaded she was his soul mate. t "I had no comeback," said Dr. Boyc» 1 sadly. "You can't fight a ghost." 3 a * * ' LIMERICKS. . ; There was a young gardener named Blower. ) Who invented a powerful mower; t It went off with a bound, 1 And now it's been found ; Cutting coconut trees in Samoa. P.S.—He didn't get in the way lik« i Lena did. Said a well-known party named Fraser \ Quite deft with a pen or eraser: "Eight million in cash Between me and Nash! ; I think, my dear Watson, we'll raise-'elfc , WILL GEE. ; a * ». ■ INFORMATION DEPT. ! Dear Mr. Flage,—Would you pleas* [ settle an argument* that is raging in [ my house, between my husband and 1 me? It is over these time-delayed ! bombs that are falling in England. My ' husband Was in the Ordnance Corps ' during the last war, and he says it is impossible for bombs to fall and not ' explode on striking the ground. I ! have pointed out the famous bomb that ■ fell near St. Paul's Cathedral, and '< various others, but to no effect. He 1 still persists in saying, "There ain't no I such thing." He says, you will not be L able to satisfy my curiosity, as it will s be a military secret. Well, you have ■ answered other questions in your i column of a military nature, so I am hoping you will be able to answer this one for me. He gets me so exasperated when he says it is impossible. . Yours faithfully, • INTERESTED. There is no military secret about those time.-delayed bombs. The world knows that'the Nazi air-fighters make considerable use of bombs which are timed to explode hours after they land. One such caused a lot of damage in Buckingham Palace a month ago. Saboteurs also use time bombs. Remember that one which blew up in Munich too late to send the Fuhrer to kingdom come? That was a regrettable miss. - ' : : """ -•■-•-■-> '■ *■ * * • BRAIN-TEASERS. Another strong solution blitzkrieg on Saturday evening. It opened up in earnest between 4.30 and 5 o'clock, and the -pressure continued to beyond 8, after which we played round the book- ', case, and, as a grand finale, gave a thought or two to Beaulivre's "pull-up" in the Epsom and the defeat of the Derby favourite—both New ZealSndbred racehorses. And so to bed. Ken led off the Postscript field .with No. 1; it was very early in the piece. Pahu also set a new time record—with ' both solutions. Fait Boy was next with ■ a No. 1 and Efpee, Harriet of Hataitai, ■ P.H., Victor—we owe him two apologies —Frit, R.J.W., 'CFLh B.XD, Qld Bill, I Diana, and Chatty Bill, followed with ■ the double. Olive^ (No. 2), Leone (No. • 2), K.K., Merlin, K4, Lou, and.Abe ' (each with both solutions). Lutey No. s 2), Northlander (Nos. 1 and 2), El. J., I Mosley, and Nice Work^-each with No. i 2—came next in that order. Just Three - and Better Late Than Never rang us I up on Sunday evening to announce : their answers. i The majority were agreed that the i teasers were unusually easy this time. We felt* as much when we loosed them. However, we have promised most of them that the next pair will, on our honour, prove no "sitters."' # • * . A TOAST. Let's toast the Royal Navy, And the lads in Air Force blue, "■, The doctors and the nurses, And the gallant Padres, too. Let's toast the air raid wardens, And the fire-fighting crew, The chaps who man the searchlight^, And the A.A. gunners too. Let's toast the population Of good old London town, They've got their blinkhV thumbs uft , And will never take 'em down. 5 Let's toast a band of workers • Who's job is rather odd; • Fill fp your glasses, gentlemen— ; "The Demolition Squad!" IMA ONE. I INTIMATION. '. Two For You But None for Me.— . Neatly phrased, but just for the time being we had better clamp down on .. that gentleman. R.J.T. —That fun in the headlines took our fancy, but it wouldn't appeal to . some people we wot of. Jamie.—The sort of Scotch we approve most is that which appears in the advertisements. Lyall Bay. — Strangely enough, another reader (M.G.F.) sent us the "Hymn of Hate" of 1914-18, author Lissauer, and its reply, "The Day," written by Henry Chappell, the "Bath railway poet." E.M.T.—Still another hymn of hate! It's .obvious that some of our clients have no time whatever for the Nazis j and their master megalomaniac. W.M. —And still they come! Your cutting reference to the heads of the, Axis is not only out-of-step verse, but too. too savage. Poke fun at them instead of a vitriolic pen. O. Kay.—Your personal jest has a touch oi' the dust bin. Miramarshal. —You have still a long way to go before you reach the A. P. Herbert standard. (We are miles behind him ourselves.) "Pause to Pray" (from Sydney).— Suggest that the verses wouldVbe more appropriate in a women's journal. Sal Petre (Napier).—A spot of cay-, enne pepper would warm up your sentiments, y • Leonard S. iPlimn-icrlbn);—Nice work, up to a point; after that your museunexpectedly goes lo a tangle. A.B.C.—Our homestead telephone 'number is 26-265. Thanks for appreciative note. • Student.—Send it along and we'll se» what can be done about it.