POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXXV, Issue 22, 27 January 1938, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment . '

BY PERCY FLAGI

Add similes: As intriguing as a knock at i the door. « ■■'■"« :'■• * '. It should go on, record that no farmer ever 'has admitted' that, lie- got.. the rain he wanted at the, time that he wanted it. '■'■■.'■ - ' ■ * .".■*■. * ■■ Race meetings have no monopoly of "guessers": the foreign correspondents in the Far East have .their share ol them. :•■■■■■ J.t . . » ' ".*' '.''■ In appointing a receiver and manager to protect his second debenture security inithe "Labor Daily," Jack>Lang is merely trying to get his own back. fc » vt Germany is at least frank. She doesn't' want Japan to launch another strong offensive in China because it would prejudice German Far East trade in th« future, * « ♦ "BITES." Dear Percy Flage,—lf, as suggested in your column, New Zealand is the land of the Moabites, it may be .someone can locate the king "Moa" who will mow a few of the infernal "bites" we are plagued with and silence them for ever. ; ! PEACE. * * » ' . BRAIN-TEASER. Five Postscripters have 'attacked the ' problem of fireman ou the ladder, but only two scored full marks, "Aiglet and "Not So Tough." "Aiglet" found it simple, and forwards one of his own which, to our lay mind, looks a trifle more difficult ' than the ladder one. It will appear in this column when we have finished with the rungs 'business. Scotty Morris missed by a fraction, J.G. was four out, and "Easy Aces" three short. Meanwhile wa would like to have "Aiglet's" solution of his brain-teaser on hand. *. , . • . * HEARD THIS ONE? "Oh, Boy!" sent this cutting along fo# your entertainment: One. of those women of the sort wha carry Pekingese was carrying a Pekingese in a New York store the other day. The dog was thirsty, it seems, so she walked over and gave him a drink at the sanitary fountain. A floor-walker, aghast, said to her timidly: "Madam, I'm afraid our customeja would not want to drink out of that fountain after your dog." "Oh," said the woman, taken aback. "I beg your pardon. I thought it wa« for the clerks." * * * •' MULTIPLYING SAFETY. Barney Oldfield, ,dean of American race drivers, presents the formula for safe driving: When' your speedometer goes to 50, think- of 55 feet. ' That is how far the car will travel after you decide to stop, before your foot cart touch the brake pedal. When the speedometer' says 40, think of 44 feet; if 30, think of 33 feet, and so on. Experts call this the "reaction disTo find out how much' room you need to stop safely at 40 or 50 miles an hour, Oldfield's formula multiplies the "reaction distance" by three. At 50 miles 'an' hour,' you would multiply; ■ 55 by threfe," and. know that a distance of 165 feet would be necessary to stop the car. . *«* ' ■ . BUFFOONERY. If you're interested in those mad' Mullahs, the Marx Brothers, you will appreciate this story, which comes from New York. A queer-looking man went into Tiffany's a few months ago, and. askel to be shown some diamond rings. Tije reticent salesman first signalled a guard, and then exhibited trays full of sparkling gems. The customer uttered no word, but indicated his displeasure by crossing his eyes and making funny faces. After twenty minute* of this, he shook his head in a determined negative, and started out. H« was about to cross the threshold whei» he tripped and slid across the floor. Hundreds of diamond rings poured from the pockets of his coat and trou* sers. The guards collected the jewellery and held the culprit pending examina* tiori of their stock. The appraisers ra» ported that the gems were paste— Woolworth purchases—and the queerv looking man was permitted to depart Tiffany's never learned, 'that the prank was committed by Harpo' Marx." *:■ * * MORNING TEA MONOLOGUE. I've got me ticket, 'dear, at last, So all anxiety are past, That is, until I take the wheel' All on me own, an' then I'll feel Cold in me feet. The thought uv it Keeps me awake a tidy bit, ', . Last night I dreamt that Bill-'n'-m« Went for a ride, beside the sea, An' suddent like around a turn A lorry rushed an' us did spurn (Bein' a" smaller car), an' I— - Me 'cart jest stopped, me lips went dry, An' we was 'eadin' for our doom When I woke pantin' in me room. They also wait who stand-'n'-ser.ves, But if in times like .these me nerves Conk out, I swear upon my oath It would be curtains for us both. Experiences teaches, so they say," -'" I s'pose one time there'll come a day When, like Judge , who knowf what's what, Also who's who Ce's drove a lot) Upon the road, I'll make some notes Uv whom are sheep an' what are goatsj In hother words, dear, when I can . Know road-'ogs from a gennelman. I've learned a bit, dear, but so far The innards uv our little car ' 'As got me beat, an' Bill's as dumb As a dry blotch uv chewin' gum So' far as car's concerned, but still ~ 'E's brains enough (I. 'ope!) to fill The 'celarator when it goes All het up, an' uv course 'c knows The spare wheel from the carbpneate* Look at that 'at—what could b« sweeter? H « ! * . HORSE TERMS.' . Dear Percy Flage,—A few "horse* items to add to your list— Riding rough-shod over everyone. . Take the bit between your teeth. He's c high stepper. : Uncover a mare's nest. Kick over the traces. The grey mare may be the better horse. Sit back Jn the traces. | That is' a horse of another colour. Backing the wrong horse. Unbridled passions. Jogging along. Best wishes, "EPAMir-ONDAS." Khandallah. From J. McL.— Neck and crop. Well-groomed. " Neck or nothing. Curb one's tongue. A one-horse show. . Ride rough-shod over. Giving rein to the imagination Flogging a dead horse.