POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXVIII, Issue 90, 13 October 1934, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

An Australian has perfected a gun that shoots around corners. Watch out, prosperity! # • • We understand that it was Helen of Troy who first made use of the expression: So this is Paris. * ♦ # Men are asking (says a Baptist minister) who won the last war, anyway. The armament makers, of course. They always, do. .** . * ■ By the way, hasn't the Prime Minister a pair of Italian pants (English cost 2s lid) he could lend out to a member of the unemployed during the Royal visit? * # ■ # ■ i FAUX PAS. "Pieces of Eight" (Karori) fired this one -at us— A fellow who lived in New Guinea Was known as a silly young nuinea, He utterly lacked Good judgment and tact For he told a svelte girl she vai skuinea. # * * DRIVING IT HOME. Comments "Minimax":-—There is ont thing about our Mr. K. Semple, M.P., when making a point he usually rams it home. As evidence, this from a speech on the Petone Becreation Ground during the big strike over twenty years ago:—They can no more get the men back on these terms than they can drive a sis-inch spike into an ironbark log with the* butt end of a sausage. # ♦ ♦ COMPEOMISE. Last month the manuscript of Baring •Gould's hymn, "Onward, Christian Soldiers," was sold at Sotheby's for £24—no great price for a hymn that has had its full share'of popularity, and even of controversy. It was written for a Sunday school festival at Horbury, in Yorkshire, where the author was then curate. The bishop of the diocese raised objections to the lines, "With the cross of Jesus 'going on before," as savouring of ritualism, whereupon the author suggested the modification, "With the cross of Jesus left behind the door." * * . *..■■-' CAUGHT NAPPING. .One of no fewer than half a dozen filched jokes sent in by "Merle," Karori:— "Deacon White," said Parson Jackson softly, "will you lead us ia prayer?" There was no answer. "Deacon White," this time a little louder, "will you lead?/' Still no response. Evidently the deacon was slumbering. Parson Jackson made a third appeal and raised his voice to a high pitch that succeeded in arousing the drowsy man. "Deacon White, will you lead?" The deacon in bewilderment rubbed his heavy eyes and blurted: "Lead yourself, I just dealt." * ♦ ♦ SCHOOL'S IN. Do you know that— 1. There is a seventy-year-old man who still rides a "penny-farthing" bicycle in the heart of the busy traffic of Paris? ■ "2. Bathrooms, early morning tea and biscuits in bed, and seven-course luncheons are being provided for passengers on the new Dutch air liners to fly from Amsterdam to Batavia? 3. On her fortieth birthday Senhora dcs Beis, of Lisbon, has given, birth to twins —they are her 23 rd and 24th children? ' ■...'. 4. For fifty-two years Bandmaster S. W. Cox, of the Salvation Army, Exeter, has played his cornet in the band? 5. Though Majorca is sixty-seven, miles long by twenty miles wide, there is not a lake or stream in the whole island, just a lot of wells? ' 6. In the old trade of pianoforte making there were stringers, tuners, case, makers, body makers, frame makers, key fitters, polishers, packers, belly makers, ivory key makers, and hammer makers and fitters? 7: Though Ortega, the famous bullfighter, "works" only thirty times a year his income runs to over £40,000? 8. The longest straight railway in the world is the trans-Australian line crossing the Nullabor Plain—-300 miles of rails without a* curve and without bridging a river? .■■>'.. 9. At the Sitka Gaol, Alaska, all prisoners not -in by 9 p.m. are locked out? 10. The income of the richest, man in the world, the Nizam of Hyderabad, ia not less than £1000 a day? • •' • GARDEN PIECE. "A garden is a lovesome thing, Ctod wot." Maybe, most noble poet. . . maybe not. It all depends—it all depends, I say, The while my solitary rose bush I spray With nicotine solution guaranteed To kill the aphis very dead indeed: A jarring note not to be reconciled With beauty virginal and undefiled. They die, these bugs, in order that my; rose , ■ Shall its completest charms for me disclose. "A lovesome thing." Down in treeshaded areas Brigands despoil the flaunting cine* rarias;Anemones, ranunculi, and youthful asters . Each may come by his (or her) own disasters, And Iceland poppies, slim as a gazelle, I know the northerly can give 'em —. However, there are times when I agree The poet man is right. It's fine to see Leaves glistening in the sun, and plots ablaze, Clamorous with colour, in the summer days, While early carrots, lettuces, and beans, Disport the most mouth-watering shades of greens. For me there is no sight more beautiful Than succulent svelte peas all ripe to pull ... The which is a reminder that I am Expected to bring home a haunch of lamb. ISIDORE McFLAGE • • * CURIOUS COINCIDENCE. Dear Percy Flage,—Here is a coincidence which may interest your readers. A golfer coming from Solway grounds picked Up a coin black with oxposure, and presented it at my shop in payment for a purchase, remarking that it was a good half-dollar, but it had evidently been through the fire. I took the coin, examined and rang it; then compared it with a half-crown, piece. Finding that it was much larger than the latter, I suddenly thought of a four-shilling piece which I have treasured as a rarity for years, and on turning it out I found that the coin presented was a perfect specimen dated 1887. I promptly offered face value for it, and I now have two of these very rare coins. Considering the years the coin must have been in the ground, it is very remarkable that it should have found its way to a mate in mj; hands. H.L.F. Masterton. • ■■