POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXV, Issue 75, 30 March 1933, Page 10

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment,

THE GERMAN REPUBLICAN JT.

Probably one reason why the Dairy. Control Board refuses to meet the London market is that the market has da» vcloped such low habits.

A photograph of maritime salvagers tit work remiuds us that divers must be- the only class immune from that world-wide sinking feeling. ■

. 'A CHEER GEEM. Dear Percy,— i , • This is to remind you, in. case you. have forgotten, that March. 31 is thai end of the unfinancial year. ' "504." ;

IS UNCLE SAM INTERESTED?

It has come to our notice that a member of the Japanese Privy Council is nursing a dream of a Jap Monroe Doctrine in the Orient. A JMonroe-ving commission in the Far East, to put it bluntly. .

THE TIME IS KIPE.

"John Doe": I see that the National Eioe Association has prohibited the use of padding at Bisley. Will politicians,. XJarsons, publicity-mongers, and new»« paper-men please note? ,

AS THE SAYING GOES.

Dear Percy,—Further to your recent chit-chat on Denmark's 190,000 unemployed, and the accompanying remark that her ships, loaded down with bacon, are leaving fo.r England continuously: apparently it has not occurred to any^ of the jobless Johnsons, Johnstons, and Jonsons that merely by carrying out tho process of stowing away they could ba "homo on the pig's back." ■'.■..' ■■.;■• T.P.*

BACKBLOCKS TEAGEDY. (In one long act.) .

Dramatis personae: Two sturdy] farmers. . . Scene: A bridge parapet, fence, or other leaning post not higher than a. bar counter, in any country lane, in any country. Period: Any time since Cain and Abel to the present day. First S.F. (after six hours' haggling):' As I told 'cc from the beginning, I reckon Strawberry is -worth. £2 10s 6d, Jarge, and I'll not take a penny less. /Second S.F.< (after due consideration): Well,' Hodge, my first ' offer stands, £2 10s, and not a ha'penny more. " ': ' •.*■■• - "

First S.F.: Aw, I feel hungry:.meet me hero in an hour's time.- • i They meet. Five hours later tho deal is concluded at the original upsetprice, and each "homeward plods his weary .way" utterly. exhausted by his strenuous day's toil.

DODGIN'KNEES, j

BEEE-BATTEBED BOOTLEGGEBS. '

Kit Kadaver" writes informative y:—Uncle Sara's speakeasy (and drink hearty) "joints" have been dealt a grand slam in the cash register with, tho return of legal beer and wine. Last month they saw how things were trending, ana, things not having been too good with them, anyway, proprietors and managers developed sick headaches devising schemes to offset the new terror. One dollar-a-drink resort, onco the haunt of Jhe bright young peoplo (and their grandparents), came out witli an offer of complimentary beefsteak parties, with entertainment- prizes thrown in, to hold' regUlar patrons and eutice new ones. Other shows that formerly "set 'em upon the house" after the fourth or fifth libation are now producing drink for drink. Others again are/emulating the soft goods stores and announcing "bargain days" with generous discounts for cash But one speakeasy in the "roaring fifties"! outdid its. rivals in desperate resourcefulness when it circularised its clients in the following terms: "Cocktail party daily from i to 7 p.m. All you can drink for one dollar fifty per person." But even that seductive 6ffer had notj started a.rush when the last mail left.

MORNIXG TEA. MONOLOGUE. > My word, .you'ro lookin' ' shic to* day ... . That leaf-green scarf is realjy say. They 'dps girls with your colouring Makes you more shicker. It's a sia I can't afford one now that Bill 'Aniinered our nex' door neighbour till They rung up for a "John," who came, Notebook -'n'-all, an' took hees name. An' Bill, too, who then spdnfc the night In the ole cooler. Jest for spite . Bill tried to work a allybi, Swore black-'n '-blue that 'c might dia" If that, squib didden parss Jim one, Startin' the riot what begun. That yarn hees 'Onour wouldn't 'ear— The "John" told Bill was thick with.' beer. „ ' "Two quid-'n'-corsts,""the Bench saiij flat: "McClancy, take it out iiv that!"

Bill's 'asty like, an' when this bloke< A Bolshie, too, put- in hees spoke About bur King—than, which ther* ain't ; None better this side uv a saint— i

Kiddin' George was a figure 'cad, f An' all kings was no good till dead. At that, Bill, who 'ad 'ad a few, Cracked this runt quick as quick, one* two, An' when 'c yelped, the yeller 'pund, j Bill smote 'im 'earty to the ground. "Two quidr'n'-eorsts"! It made moj sob ... A rat like that ain't worth two boblj The only thing 'c's got is 'ide, There's no thin' but cat's-meat insida* Bill stood up for our King- 'n.'-Court, ] An' though it left me a bit short, i I'm proud of 'im as I can bo c . -jr Is this me second cupper tea? j-a»/' » » ♦ T3TJ'

A POET'S OVERCOAT.

Dear Flage,—Your note on " Jimmy\ Edraond reminded me of a story concerning two men who. knew tlie theii "Bulletin" editor intimately. One vr.a.3 a' big-hearted big Australian and the other a weak improvident Australian, poet, both of whom New Zealand was to meet later. The big-hearted Aussie was the compassionate friend of all such as (he poet. One dismal drizzling day iii Sydney he descried the poet parked forlornly on the steps of a small shop, dejected and ivet to the skin. The Good Samaritan took charge of his man, trotted him along to a mercer's, purchased the derelict —the word is used iv no derogatory sense—a rainproof coat, bought him a meal, and put him on tha tram for home. Twenty-four hour 3 later it was still raining, and a dripping poet, minus the waterproof, and the big Australian met face to face unexpectedly. Where was the top-coat t The poet, shamelessly named a-well-known three-ball merchant down the street, who was "taking care of it" while he (the Parnassian) was imbibing the loan. Again he was marched off by his friend, the ticket was presented, and once more thp poet possessed an overcoat. There, so far as 1 remember, the story ends. Poor 014 Henry! , J3OLIVAB,;!