POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXV, Issue 15, 19 January 1933, Page 8

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

BY PERCY FLAGE

•After a glance down the Quay these gay days we are convinced that girls' dresses ought to be like short sleeves —long enough to cover the subject and short enough to attract and sustain th» interest. ■■*''♦ * . Apropos' an experience of ours last night. It V very curious to us, as telephone subscribers, that the wrong num.- ' bers are never engaged. ■ . •. • * . * ••; ANAGRAM. This is what is called an anagram I —and a rather neat one if you' take i circumstances into account. By a transposition of letters "disarmed" become* "Mars died." * - ' * * .». HOORAY! i If and when the farmers get thetf: 25 per cent, exchange rate (observes '"Willy Nilly") ordinary citizens will have: the privUege of, helping. -to pay; off some of the debts the eockie didn't pay in the post-war boom years of butter-fat. ; '■.-.•. ■-, ' '■ * ..*■*. '; ~ A CLOSE SHAVE! Dear Plage,—Now that the Test cricket war is fairly 'afoot may I be allowed to report, anent the body-lino form of attack that Ernie Jones once bowled (it has been authentically stated) a ball clean through W. G. Grace's beautiful beard? Talk about cardiac crashers—they're nothing t* chia.-scrapers, are they, ' • Eastus" ? ' BILLYUM. ; * ■*,'*:■■ : '. TRANS-BAY PROBLEM. - Dear Percy,—Hope you feel frisky1,! after your holiday, and trust you willi keep your column of bubbly exhilara* tion frothing this year. "With nothing to do on New Year's,. Day, I went to oar famous marina suburb, Eastbourne, and two big no* tices met my eyes on going into th«C Park, viz.:— . . :. ...■".-". DRINK ONLY BOILED WATER. NO FIRES TO BE LIGHTED HERE^ Please, Percy, can yon tell me hoi^l to boil water without a fire? ■ Yours without Heat, TINY LOFTTJS. " "We can so tell you. Try gas or elee* tricity. (P.8.A.) . *. * ♦ .■■""' •MESSES.'SMITH AND ANSELL, PLEASE NOTE. ■ •.." Dear Percy Flage,—While putting uj< the Christmas decorations.a fine greet-* ing placard came unstuck.' My brother (aged nine) promptly applied lick, and! behold, it sticketh/ to this day. Now*' what I'm gettig at, Percy, is this. Fobi some reason the lick of small.kids pos-i sesses admirable adhesive qualities/ which peter out in adolescence. Now; why shouldn't the Post Office" employ; hosts of kids to lick nngummed stamps^ arid thus save tons" of gum* Wouldn't that be a champion economy! You. could let out lickers to. big businesses at so much per hour,, so that in time a kid for licking stamps would be as i usual a piece of office furniture as a typewriter. , Also, stamp-licking con-; tests could; be staged, and the champion;. given a scholarship to further his art.' All proceeds to go to. the Unemployment Fund. Now you think of something. ' - HOBIRL > P.S.—Wouldn't it just eolyo^the bo* ■ unemployment problem! V ; -, ' - * ' *■ ■' *■■ '■■ ■■ ■■■-" RE-ENTER MAME McCLANCY. . Dear Mr. Plage,— " ■ • . I 'ope as 'ow You're quite rejuveniled by now, An' 'aye came back after your spell, As sound-'n'-noisy as a belL " When you was gorn I thought of you More, sir, per'aps, than I should do, ' Bern' a wife-'n'-mother; still, •-"*■■ I'ave explained it all to Bill, Who honly smiled' an' waved hees .'and As,if to say, "I hunderstand." I did go silly once, but then That learned me . ."■ . nevermore - againl ' . Bill knows it, and you know the same, I ain't a fambly-wreckin' dame.;We're jest pals, aren't we, as they say,j In a plutonic sort uv way^ When the Lane folk 'card you was bade ! They pretty soon was on me track. ' One fetched'a fountain pen, and one A blue lead pencil, all in fun, : Though serious like, so I could write ( The usual screed this Thursdee nightj' i So 'ere I am. I'm glad as glad, Seratchin' on the ole writin' pad (Bill's Chrismuss box) in vi'let ink, To say that I am in the pink, An' when I get into me stride.I 'ope you will be satisfied With what I say each weak, an' whicK Roused friends larst year to a 'igi I pitch. • I think postscriptin's a great game— Yours in the fight for freedom.— , MAMTa ' . ; > •. "♦ . *•■ . " PROVISIONALLY. Dear Perce, —On the second day of last year, 1932 (that would be the 2nd. January—the day after the Ist), both, my New Year Resolutions went by the board. Not to be caught napping this year, I have appended-to the undermentioned revolutions, evolutions, and convulsions for this year of grace, 1933, certain provisos which will automatically swing into operation without de^ clutching, and which will be as a salve to conscience: . 1. Each morning' I will awake say-< ing even as the Prodigal Son, "I will arise and go farther"—provided always that nobody wishes mo there the dayj before. • ■ ' ' 2. To my fellow-men I will do unto} them as —provided I can get in first. 3. Never more will I burn the candle at-both ends unless the game is worth' the candle. . ' 4. Never more will I drink and make; merry at a poor fellow-creatures-exp-ense—ife —if a rich man shouts .me good and well, well and good. . 5.-Never more will I give anybody a nasty look—certainly not to, a man who has one. ' 6. (quoth the raven) will I swear—except that I be permitted to give cursory glances at pay-envelopes, alarm clocks, art union results, and Hansard. 7. I will make my own cigarettes— provided always that I can get sometobacco, tissues, and matches. (I have the lick and the draw, thank you.) 8. Taking cognisance of the dictum, "ignorance of the law as an ass is no excuse," I will (possibly) make myself au fait with all legislation put through, over, around, and across us during the year, so that I might,"at call, be able to recite from memory, by section, by; sub-section, by clause, and by cripes> each Act, its preamble, its short title, its appendices, cross references, real angry references, and schedules in toto (not ta ta!). Midway through the year I will put myself to a test to see if butter will melt in my mouth—provided and nevertheless that butterfat prices have not soared beyond my means, and beyond the dreams of—what's the word, teh, teh! I've forgotten it, no, I have it— dairy farmers. ■■!■'<'• -_: . wiNsaJvi Dunediu. "..' _:j«S