POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXIII, Issue 30, 5 February 1932, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

Chronicle and Comment

•V PERCY FLAGE

Land agents report a dull market is Wellington, but the Japanese have not lost faith in Chinese real estate. * * ♦ AWAITING A LEAD. Apropos the at present disarmed Disarmament Conference at Geneva, the idea seems to be that each of the 63 nations represented is ready to disarm provided the other 62 do so first. * * * CITY NOISES. * Dear Flage,—Do you think anything could be done in the way of devising a silent loud-speaker or a noiseless hen, for use in cities? ■ : I have known a bishop lay a foundation stono with infinitely less commo* tion than a hen makes laying an egg. R.J.P. * * -# , ■ IT MUST HAVE BEEN TERRIBLE. You may judge of' the frightful intensity of that Japanese bombardment reported this morning by the fact that a tourist steamer cruised through the inferno, "affording the passengers a thrilling spectacle," and the Naldera. also, which had a front row drees circl* view of the destruction.of the Woosunf forts,-steamed on unscathed. ■ •■ * * * WHY NOT "HEE, HAW"? -_ If you have sufficient lack of imagination it is seemingly not difficult to earn a few guineas in the benighted U.S.A. For example: A popular magazine offered a substantial money prize for the best Democratic slogan for'the 1932 campaign. A Texas man was judged the winner from an army of entrants— this was His inspired warcry: "Haw! Haw! We're Coming Back!" On second thoughts, we are not sure whether the editor-judge should not receive ou» bouqnet of brickbats. ■"■'■■ - * ■♦.-*'. now tell, another: .''Real.lnjun":' "In. your par (Postscripts of recent date) ane'nt. broken, necks which failed to kill, you missed that one. of the Canterbury forward, Turpin, who fractured, his vertebral column High up some, years ago and is still on deck. He .works in a newspaper office. The nest,story may nofc be quite so veracious, but it deserves to be. In the Jersey City Salvation Army Home John J. Doggett (it is reported) walked in ■ hie sleep through, a'second story window and crashed t« the ground. He woke, toddled ur^ stairs again, 'phoned the ambulance, ' and lit a cigarette. The ambulance, surgeon saw smoke escaping from John's neck and found he had nearl* severed his windpipe. Casually, Doggett remarked: "Yeah. Now that you mention, it, I noticed I wasn't ge*1. ' ting much'taste of the cigarette." ■ ' . * * ..' • "' CHRISTMAS "CRACKERS." It is a trifle late;f or Christmas stories, but here are two ,culled from the last American mail' that we simply could not refrain from passing on because of their, pathos 'n' everything. Oa, Christmas Eve, a Fairmont (West Virginia) citizen had to plough his way! home through the snow bare-footed because a "thug'<» had aot only robbed him of his Santa1 Clans parcels, but made him hand over his shoes and socks. In Chicago an unidentified man begged a dime from a passer-by on th« same evening, bought a package of peanuts, and spread them on a stone near the Chicago Art. Institute. When the' neighbouring pigeons descended for the feast, "hobo" caught five, and departed with his Christmas dinner-— believe it or not. : .. • ' ' * ' .■.# . GANDHI IMMOBTALISED! America, the home of melodic inanity, "sob" songs, the;"crooner," and othoe ■_ musical, atrocities, , has surpassed itself in that form of .vacuity with a ballad called "Mahartma Gandhi '*■ The chorus of this infliction, which has already, been broadcast, is as follows* Mahatma Gandhi, Mahatma Gandhi, You're the silent man from India. But we all got wind o' yer. You're bent up like a pretzel; ■ That's why you're findin' fault, 'Cause what good is a pretzel ■ If it hasn?t any salti Mahatma Gandhi, your legs are bandy. But you are the straightest man. w« ever knew. You never lie or have a spat, 'Cause you're the naked truth, at ,'■' that, And that's a feather in. your hat M* ' Gandhi. • For your further information w« ■ add that a pretzel is a dry unsireetcaed biscuit. , . ■ '•. . '■' " •'■■•• .'• ■ IN TIME OF ST2RESS. Dear Percy Flage,— . : .At a time like, this, the following suggestion may be helpful to all suburban Ten-Per-Centers and Number-Five-bchemers. If you are one'yourself, yo» will know. , - ■ Since ten-per-cent came in to stay ' And every payday we essay • To do without the tramcars more, And beat the bailiff to the door, * The garden's seemed1 the very thing To ease economy's sharp sting. We pondered as the Spring came rounl And watched the sorrel gaining ground, On what the mortgages woidd'say When we requested time to pay, Or what the' Government Would do •When it was formed of- parties two. But- now's the 'time, they say, to toil And poke potatoes in the soil Where grows the pile of.empty tins That should, no doubt, have filled thm . bins: . . - They say the hour that is so spent Would indirectly pay the rent. That might be so if-we lived-long On plots that cost the merest song,. ;But when the council makes & bid For rates, one foot is worth; five qtrhM; v We think, at this, to keep our shirt We'd better bag and sell the dirt! UJJSL f ' *'■■ ' ♦;■ ■ "KITE-FLYINGJ" A certain type of politician (and pressman) occasionally indulges in the pastime of "kite-flying" to serve its own- ends. Generally, no harm attaches to the practice. But in these days of doubt, those "kite-flyers" who predict glibly that we "shall soom be round (the corner" or that "the tide is on. the 'turn" are doing a disservice to. the community by t encouraging false hopes in the public mind. To such! well-meaning but unwise prophets we commend a careful reading of the fol« lowing lines by the late Will Carleton, a popular versifier of about two generations ago: • . Boys flying kites haul in their whitewinged birds; You can't dp that way when, you're flying words. ' "Careful with fire" is good advice, wa know; "Careful with wrfrds" is ten times doubly so. ■ • ' ' Thoughts unexpressed may sometimes fall back dead; But God Himself can't kill them when they're said. . The fourth line in especial will repay;; attention.