POSTSCRIPTS

Evening Post, Volume CXII, Issue 84, 6 October 1931, Page 6

POSTSCRIPTS

BY PERCY FLAGE

Chronicle and Comment

It looks as though there will be no tin hare racing in N.B.W. for a while, as Mr. Lang's Upper House turned dog on him. « # * Dear Mr. Flage,— Another .school's in. This is absolutely authentic. An ingenuous Auckland schoolboy informs us that Napoleon died in confinement at St. Helens. E.N.B. * * » IHItEFUTABLE EVIDENCE. A gentleman of the staff wandering this morning about the office self-con-sciously in his shirt sleeves^—you know what wo mean—provided us with the best proof that at last Spring has come. There must be other signi. What about it, observant clients? I * » • APKOPOS? In view of the latest report from Manchuria, the following welWriowu. lines of Bret Harte may be regarded as appropriate, if you substitute "Jap* for "Chinee" in the last line.

Which I wish to remark, And my language is plain, That for ways that are dark, . And for tricks that are vain, The Heathen Chinee is peculiar. Anyhow, that is how it strikes m at the moment. * ■> # A CROWNING. New Zealand is prepared to acknowledge having had at least one "monarch of all he surveyed," "King" Dick Seddbn, but the good people who attended Taranaki Street "Wesley Church on Sunday night to hear ii noted American preacher are said to have been somewhat startled when they heard a passing reference to Lord Bledisloe as "His Majesty." Ah, your Reverence, that's what comes of being born in a country with* out a King, so -watch your stop i* future. : Monsieur Le President. Good day^ * # # GANGSTEB GOBS "TALKIE.** At last a real use is being found foij real gangsters. "Spike" O'Donnell^ whose position as "king" of the Chicago South Side beer-runners has mada him the most shot-at target in. that city, declares he is going to Londo.i to; become a film star. "I am through with the racket," h# told, the police. "I am taking my family abroad in a few days. We are going to live in England while I play; 'tough guy' parts in British films* Things are getting too hot around hoie* Besides, I have been offered a contract at £3000 a week. Now laugh that off." "Spike's" story was subsequently confirmed by a leading police official oC Chicago. "Spike's" loss will be Chicago's gain, but think of what talkio "fans" may have to endure. They; don't deserve much sympathy, anyhow.

HIGH LIGHTS ON THE SLUMP. I approached several captains of in* dustry to ascertain their views on th» present situation, and this was what I found, remarks a fun-maker in aa. Australian weekly:— i Tho vinegar manufacturer was vcryj sour: ' ' ■ Tli c laundress: was quite starchy. The artist refused to be drawn. Tho sexton said it was a grave situ»« tion. "'"• The ropemaker was quite tied up. The chemist made no retort. : The iceman said it was a freezeont. "It is a blue look-out," said th* dyer. : ■-■ The aviator was willing to give anything a fly. The blacksmith intended going oil strike. ' .-/ "j The cigarette maker's business had gono up in. smoke. ; " ,' . ' The masseur asked us not to rub it in. The barber said he had had his cut. The insurance agent said it was s matter of life or death. ; .. . The financier said he had lost interest in things. Painting was up to putty. The bootmaker was on his uppers. The rag trade was all to pieces. The dairyman said his was a cow of a business. Tho bridge player said it was quite on the cards he could win out.

NICE LEGAL POINT. Contradictions in the fishing Gazette, and tho orders on the rear of licences threaten to provoke a national disaster, and, we are told, that ultimately it may come to the point of deciding when a worm is legally dead. So ... With the prospect of tradition placing worms in that position It appears there's something lacking •in tho law; To the forms it is degrading, and it anything but. aiding Them to show the very best esprit &9 corps. It's of course not that we wish ill to any law official But is seems a trifle hard upon them. What! And no doubt it causes burning in, tha worm when it is turning And wondering if it's dead or if it'i not. This matter must be settled, for our amour propre is nettled To think no worm may ask the reason .why, And we hate to think that someday; in the future it may come, say, That we're not really stiffened whea wo die! K. de R. V » ♦ MONEY TO BUBN. "Eldee Babyaustin" eulogises th# milk department again: Tho M.M.D. do do things! Some months ago, when the musical co. .edy uniforms wcro issued to the roundsmen, "Postscriptly" I congratulated the department upon its economy, but broadly I suggested that morning delivery robbed John and Mrs. Cit. of an eyeful of our romantic looking nailk-ohs. Now I've an idea that either Mr. Bennett or Mr. Hervon. soaked up my remarks, and in some ways I guiltily: feel responsible for the wagons mixing in the 5 o'clock traffic jams. Tho latest economy outrago by th« .M.M.D. is an exquisitely produced booklet ciptioiiiscd "Tho localisation of an Ideal," issued not for distribution to John and Mrs. Cit., but for the purpose of being tossed into overseas wasteyjapcr baskets. At last tho cards are on the table now tho "idealistic" aspect has been dragged up. But there are ideals and ideals . . . f'rinstance, the cost of the booklet plus that of the Bulgarian cavalry uniforms for the roundsmen, would at least have kept a few of the recently heaved-out council employees in their jobs a little longer had not idealism. attacked comnion-scnso with an axe. The Commandments (and I s'posa tho Act, loo) are quite intact as far ai the M.M.D. is concerned, so let's all glv« three cheers and forgot it!