EPIZOOTIC JOURNALISM.

Dunstan Times, Issue 844, 21 June 1878, Page 3

EPIZOOTIC JOURNALISM.

o His name was not Sniffin, but that will do to designate him in ibis narrative. Ho professed to wish to learn to be a reporter, and lie was sent out to the Zoological-gar-dens to hunt up an item and to prove what his capacity was. The impression prevails that he never really visited the garden, but, at any rate, ho came to the office late in the day and handed in a “ local,” which he had entitled “An Extraordinary Occurrence !” When it had boon read with amazement by one of Mr Sniffin’s superior officers, Sniffin was called in and interrogated Mr Sniffin, did this thing happen precisely as you state it?” “Why, of course.” “You raw it yourself at the Zoological-garden, I suppose ?” “Oh ! yes, certainly,” said Sniffin. “ Well, Mr Sniffin, it certainly is the most

extraordinary occurrence with which I am familiar. You say hero that ‘while the keeper was engaged in feeding the bears, the Egyptian opossum, which was hovering over the pits, flew at him, and beat him with his wings nud tried to pick nut his eyes with his horny beak.’ Now, Mr Sniflln, the most ordinary familiarity with natural history would have informed you that an opossom has no wings, that it cannot hover,

and that its beak is not horny. Children usually know these things. Mr SnifHn, if you ever do observe a winged opossum buoying itself in the air let me advise you to knock it down with a club. I guarantee that the Zoological Society will give you 1,000,000 dollars for it and vote you a modal. Y’our best hope in life is to i each for that aerial animal.” “ I’ll do my best,” said Sniffin. “ And then you go on to say

in your report: * When tbo keeper struck tlie infuriated bird’—referring to tbo opossum, of course ; this is simply maddening—‘ when the keeper struck the infuriated bird to the earth, it was instantly' seized by a crane which was browsing upon the grass plot near at hand. The opossum fastened its talons in the long mane which hung from the arching nock of the crane ; and the latter, balancing itself upon its hind legs, hold its victim in its teeth, and strove to kill the opossum by striking it with its front hoofs. The combat ended by the crane killing tbo sacred bird of the Egyptians

and then, as the keeper removed the body, the crane walked away nibbling the grass and whisking off the Hies with its flowing tail!’ Mr Sniffiu, did I understand you to say that you saw the whole of this transaction with your own eyes?” “Well, Ithat is—l ” “ Oh, no matter ! It is immaterial, sir. Testimony from a man vho talks about the hind legs of a crane, and who accuses it of having a mane and nibbling grass is not of sufficient importance to warrant the taking of such pains to scenic it. Hind logs of a crane ! .Sniffin, yon are not promising as a reporter. You mean well, of course, but people are petting particular

now about the kind of reading that they find in newspaper?, and your style makes them feel mad and gloomy and murderous. If you stay’ in the business, I don’t know but that someday, when nobody’s watching you, yon may cram in something about twolegged mules with feathers, or anacondas spinning webs in a garret, or sheep storing honey in their hives, or cows tearing somebody limb from limb and flying to their nests in the mountain crag, with their booty ! ft won’t do, Mr .Sniffin : it really won't. The people arc too fastidious. So I’ll excuse yon now if yon want to leave, i Good morning ” Mr Sniffin then wbhdrow, . i and ho is slid in search of a congenial profession.— Philadelphia bulletin. ' *