THEATRE ROYAL.

Dunstan Times, Issue 691, 16 July 1875, Page 4

THEATRE ROYAL.

On Saturday night next will be dcliveied, an interesting Discourse On British Manufactures By A British Manufacturer Now on a visit to New Zealand For the purpose of ascertaining the capabilities of the colony in view of the establishment of important industries in the province of Wellington. Upon the completion of the address, presents of British manufactures will be made to the audience, each holder of a five shilling ticket receiving an equivalent in value of such manufactures, and each possessor of a half a crown ticket an equal return for his or her money. Prices,—Stall, 5s ; Upper-circles, 2s Gd. God Save the Queen. This done, I sent Buttons to all the principal inhabitants with a circular embodying the above information, together with a large bundle of tickets. I was sitting munching onr boardinghouse corn beef and cabbages, when he returned. I saw by bis eye that he was triumphant. Taking me aside, he honorably emptied L 7 12s Gd into my hands, “ It’ll fetch em,” says he, with suppressed delight “ Let’s have a pint,” and we drank success to the movement. Well, to make a long story short, the eventful evening came round Buttons took the money and issued the tickets. “ Now, Buttons,” was my parting admonition ; “when I have finished my discourse you bolt borne, I’ll manage to clear out all right,” and then 1 went on the stage, in the centre of which my friend’s parcel of buttons was heaped most imposingly upon a table. The theatre (as it was called) was crammed. You see, they were looking out for their money’s worth of British manufactures, and, following upon an enthusiastic reception, I commenced my address; touched lightly upon the development of manufactures from the earlies period of history to the present day ; explained the systems of manufacture in England ; denounced the greed of manufacturers, and their utter want of broad public benevolence; and alluded to the prosperity which might be brought to New Zealand by the introduction of industries of a kindred character to those by which millions were employed in the United Kingdom. Then I declared that I was so fully persuaded of the personal advantages which would arise out of the enterprise, that 1 had resolved to make arrangements for the establishment of large button mills in the land of the Maoris. At this there was a general smile, and a fellow in the upper circle—a half-crowner—roars out, “ Buttons 1 Wot’s the use o’ buttons V Fixing my eyes upon him I said. An individual asks the use ot buttons. From bis aspect, ladies and gentlemen, I am induced to pass over his question as the outcome of ignorance. Had this unhappy creature been used to wearing shirts, could he have asked such a question 1 Do we not know that fully one-tenth of domestic troubles has its origin in the absence of shirt buttons from shirts 1 At this several gentlemen ciied 'out ‘ hear ! hear !’ and thus encouraged, I proceeded to describe the several kinds of buttons—the national buttons, on which the crown was engraved ; the navy button, emblem of onr kingdom of the sea ; the ribbed bone buttons, so strongly reminding us of our first unmentionables ; then I touched on the shirt button again ; the coat button which your friend seizes when he corners you to listen to his gossip; and lastly, baby’s button which is used on the garments of cherubs. “ Does not the eminent Mrs Winslow,” I said “ compare an infant subjected to the soothing influences of her syrup to a button.” Here again ray enemy cried out, “ A lot you knows about it. They don’t button babies ; they pins em.” “ Ladies and gentlemen,” said I, “I defer to this individual’s view of the mailer. He is doubtless correct ; for I’m pretty sure he’s one of those gentlemen who nurse the baby while the mother goes out charing. And now,” I continued, stepping back from the stage, “my servant will deliver the prizes to the audience. Joe” —and a half-caste follow I had engaged for the purpose came out from the wings—“ Joc, give these ladies and gentlemen their prizes. Those on the right hand are the five shilling lots ; those on the left the half-crown lots,” and making a bow, I stepped off the stage into the bar parlor, and scuttled into the streets. When I got home I found that Buttons had barricaded the door. He let me in, however, and we compared notes. “ L 37 17s Gd, old cock,” cried he ; “ well, you are a genius.” And even as lie spoke we could hear the crowd passing from the theatre—some swearing, more laughing heartily. There had been a row, and I had to give Joe a pound more than I had bargained for, as a salve for two black eyes and a damaged pair of shins. As for Buttons and myself, we kept close all next day, sailing at midnight by the mail steamer for Sydney. It wasn’t a had dodge, and not half so immoral as the Ballarat lottery business, was it J”