SCISSORS.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 4060, 26 July 1884, Page 4

SCISSORS.

New York lost nearly £1,000,000 in February by fires. In ISB2 the imports of cotton into England Avero 1,784,000,0001b5. W. G. Grace, though well-known as a cricketer for twenty years, is only 30 years of ago. Why was Noah the best broker of ancient times '( He could float more stock than any other man.

.. Cremation is making considerable progress iv England. The London Times ■advocates a trial of the experiment. The amount of customs collected at the Noav York Custom House last year was 43 per Cent, on the value of the imports. ; Henry Barnes, a five-year-old boy, m Springfield, recently died a terrible death from the effects of eating the peel of half A Chicago woman remarried her husband, from Avhom she had been divorced, and then got mad because he wouldn't take her on a bridal toui

Tom White, the champion of the Thames in the days Avhen Englishmen could row, is in the Maryborough (Q) Hospital, suffering from dropsy. Justin M'Carthy, jim., son of the Irish agitator and historian, is about to be married to Miss Laura Linden, a popular London actress. , A French dramatist makes one of his character, in a recent play declare that he is " holding up the trousers of despair with the braces of hope." Professor and Mrs BaldAvin, the famous thought readers and spiritism exposers, who created some sensation in Sydney about six years ago, have returned. There are between 400 and 500 young lady boarders at tho Conservatory of Music in Boston, and there are about 300 pianos under the roof. What a place to get a baby to sleep 1 Hood, in an article of singular humor, states that the phrase, " republic of letters " was hit upon to insinuate that, taking the whole lot of authors together, they have not got a sovereign amongst them. Mr Dawson, Liberal member of Parliament, speaking at a meeting at Glasgow, said the agitation conducted by Parnell in Parliament, and Davitt outside, had resulted in the gift of £45,000,000 to Ireland. ... The Irish population of the earth is in round numbers as folloAvs :—lrish at home, 5,500,000; Irish in England, 2,500,000; Irish in Scotland, 2,000,000; Irish in Canada, 2,000,000; Irish in Australia, 1,000,000; Irish in America, 12,500,000; Irish clseAvhere, 5,000,000. London shoeblack to Scotch drover (issuing from Euston station)—" Here you are, Scotty; brush yir boots for twopence, and make you look like a gentleman!" Drover—" Tippence ! Sac muckle as that! Man, leddie, if yell just lon' me your brushes for a meenute I'll polish them mysel' for nacthing." A contemporary says that there is a woman in Tasmania Avho has one blue eye and one brown one. This is not so much of a wonderful thing. There is a woman in the next yard to us who has, frequently a blue ancl a black one, and sometimes both her eyes are black. But that is only when her husband comes home unusually late, and finds that she has removed the keyhole. Frederick Albert and George Nye havo for years worked together as miners in a colliery in the village of Burnside: About a Aveek ago they commuuicated to each other that their married lives Avere unhappy. Nye finally suggested that they should exchange wives as a possible way out of their family troubles. Albert consented and the women did not object. Mrs Nye packed up her personal effects and went to Albert s house, while Mrs Albert sought the home of Nye. Both women seemed perfectly satisfied, and their husbands remain as firm friends as ever. An actor in the metropolis, reduced to Ins last penny, resolved on paAvning his clothes. So, divesting himself of everything but his shirt collar and necktie, he buttoned a long overcoat round himself, and to all appearances looked fully dressed. Having pawned his clothes, he repaired to the hotel, kept by G , had a capital dinner and retired to rest, giving orders to the housemaid to have him called early m the morning. Next morning accordingly, Boots knocked at the door, when the following dialogue ensued :— Actor: "Come in Boots and help me dress." Enter Boots. Actor: "First and foremost, my trousers and vest." Boots: " Can't find'em anywhere, sir ! " Actor: " Disgraceful! My door Avas unlocked. Someone has entered and stolen them in tho night." Enter Landlord. Actor : " Hullo landlord ;I m robbed, my trousers aro stolen!" Landlord: "Dear me don't pray talk so loud. H the other visitors hear you I should bo ruined Charge me with a new pair and in meantime, use these." Actor: "Pooh! The loss of my trousers is a small matter. It's the £50 I left in tho pockets, and which I shall expect you to pay at once." The landlord collapses, and eventually squares it for'£2s. Not so bad for Dan- -. Our much respected P.M., Mr Wheeler (writes the" Omeo correspondent of the Advertiser) was waited upon a few days a"0 by a person named Mary Ah Fong, who applied for a warrant against Mr Ah Fong on the ground that he .intended to desert her. It appeared that the worthy Celestial had just returned from a trip to the Flowery Land, where forgetting his conjugal obligations to marry, he had Avickedly entered into a matrimonial contract Avith a fascinating daughter of the Sun. Having to return on business matters (for our Mongolian is a man of means), the fact of his second marriage leaked out, and Mary became furious, and refused to be comforted. In every act of her fickle spouso she saw a hankering after her Chinese rival, until at length her feelings overcame her, and she took action as above stated. In her interview with the R.M. the following is stated to have occurred :— p ]y£ "Are you married to Mr Ah Fon<. ?" Mary—"Yes; we Avere married by the Rev. Mr Bourke in the Courthouse!" P.M.—"ls your husband a Christian?" Mary—" Don't know; but I do know that before our marriage he Avas properly 'analysed.'' P.M.-"And the result ?'' Maiy—" An adopted child. It is'said that tho magistrate preserved a solemn demeanour, not even tho ghost of a smilo showing on his face -and granted the warrant at once. Somo one has since suggested that Mary desired to convoy the fact that her husband was properly "naturalised."