SCISSORS.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3982, 26 April 1884, Page 4

SCISSORS.

Sachem, tho American horse, who ran third to Shotovor in the Derby, Avon tho Sandown Grand Hurdle Race easily. He never Avon a race on the flat. "How is Johnnie doing at School?" asked a lady of Johnnies ma during a call. "Splendidly. He talks iv two languages now." "Dear me. What aro thoy; French or German ?" " Oh ! no. English and profane. Ono of the best crops yet heard of in tho North Canterbury district is (says the Press) that of Mr H. Mahler, of Sefton,_ Avho last Avoek threshed out 31 acres of oats, which gave a net yield of 3379 bushels, equal to 109 bushels to the acre. The Duke of Westminster, presiding at the annual meeting on board tho Clio, training ship, at Chester, on the 15th oi February, said it was satisfactory to find out of 660 boys avlioso names had been put upon the books 300 had gone through their training, and of that number 203 had entered the merchant service, and 7 the Royal Navy. It appears that there is, or is to be, a Blue Ribbon in tho French Army. The War Minister, General Campenon, has addressed a circular to the military governors of Paris and of Lyons, and to tho Commanders of the various army corps, Avith the view of obtaining the names of soldiers who havo distinguished themselves by their sobriety, so that ho may forward them to the Temperance Society, A class of school-girls, highly educated on the newest principles, were pouring forth to the Bishop of Manchester a list of Latin Words, with the English equivalents, aud they came to the word which Aye elders should call ciewim. " We-kiss-im," said tho girls. "We-kiss-im—by turns." "Oh, do you r" ansAvcrcd the Bishop. "Then I don't Avondur at your adopting tho now pronunciation." A clergyman who is very fond of a hand at Avhist,'on taking his seat at the card table at the house of one of the Avealthier members of his congregation pulled out a number threepenny pieces. One of the party suggested that ho had mado a mistake and brought the church collection with him, but the clergyman turned tho laughter, and at tho same time gave a sly hit at his friends by remarking that ho aviis surprised they had so soon recognised tho coins they had put on tho plate tho previous Sunday. A Avonderful incident in connection with a dog, whioh is certainly one of the strangest on record, has just come to our knowledge. Mr G. Budge sent his boy to Picton to school some six Avecks ago, tho lad leaving behind him a very favorite collie dog. Soon after ho Avent HAvay the dog begun to pine, and gave every sign of being unhappy. A few clays since the boy came back from Picton on a visit to his parents, and on noaring the house Avhistled to give tho signal of his arrival to his dog. The animal at once heard him, and bounding over the fence greeted his master by jumping on him, and licking his hands and face, and then suddenly dropped dead. His .sudden end being no doubt a ease from death by joy.—Marlborough Times. Hero is an amusing talc from the Gippsland haunts of the commercials. A gentleman travelling recently met Avith some rough treatment at tho hands of a quiet looking AViiitcr at a Avcll-known hotel. Tho commercial gentleman spilled some salt at table. Being of a somewhat superstitious turn of mind, ho quickly threw over his left shoulder a good spoonful of the briny grain, never heeding the fact that immediately behind his chair stood tho Avaitcr. An emphatic " buck handcr," delivered full on the side of his head, knocked him endways, and tho irate Avaiter intimated that ho would serve anyone the same way who would throw salt in his eyes ! A woman at Bay City, Michigan, disguised herself as a man, and clerked iv a store for a year, and then applied for membership in the Knights of Pythias, and was initiated. During the Avork of the third degree, her sex Avas discovered. It seems that in the third degree, thoy have an indiarubbor rat and a celluloid snako Avhich run by clockwork inside, and Avhich Avere very natural indeed. They let them run at the candidates to sco if they will flinch, when the snake ran out at the girl she kept hor nerve all right; but when the rat tried to run up her trousers leg, she grabbed her imaginary skirt iv both hands and jumped upon tho refrigerator (which is used iv tho work of the fourth degree) aud screamed murder. The girl is a member of this highly philanthropic and safe order, however, and thero is no help for it. This affair may open the eyes of tho secret societies, and cause them to investigate. Ono lodge, avo understand, takes precautions against tho admission of Avomoii by carefully examining the feet of applicants. If the feet aro cold enough to frcezo ice cream the candidate is black-balled. The only drawback about the folloAving item, says a Sydney journalist, is that it happens to be strictly true in all particulars. Away out west, in the Bat-hurst district, a gorgeous pastoral and agricultural show aviis held in tho rising town of B—-—-, and when the big boom was over tho people thought it was timo to congratulate themselves by giving a tqi-top public banquet. They did so ; and Avhen the poultry and pastry doings Avero through, the Avorthy mayor, who bossed tho proceedings, after floundering about for half-an-hour in the quicksands of a speech that was Avritton for him by the local schoolmaster a Aveek before, Avound up by exclaiming: "An' now, gentlemen, I calls on you to drink success to the Vtuitoviul Interests of this arising district." Before the " hips, hips" could bo started, however, a wag of a Sydney drummer bobbed in, and said, "Excusemo, gentlemen; but after listening to the eloquent speech of our Avorthy mayor, I trust he Avill bo pleased to couple Avith tho pastoriW interests, tho agrioultunW resources, and the miner*"/ prospects of this glorious subterranean archipelago to Avhich avo all belong." "'Ear! 'Eur!" shouted the Avorth chairman, "Them's jest my srdiinrnfs to a t-y. Now boys! hip, hip, hip, uoo-noAit!" A remarkable case of philanthropy has been developed in England in the following singular manner: A gentleman advertised somo months ago, offering .GtOOO to any person avlio avoiiUl introduce him to Christian Avork in a Christian institution for poor children. Dr T. G. Bernardo, the Avell-known organiser of children's rescue Avork, in response, placed the claims of his East-end work before the advertiser, tho result being that tho gentleman in question became so interested in the work that he has now devoted himself solely to its furtherance. He aviis formerly a partner in a largo and wealthy brewery in tho provinces, his partner and rclativcjVopresentiug in parliament the aounty in Avhich tho brewery is situated. Under the influences of religious conviction the gentleman referred to relinquished his share in the business at a sacrifice of many thousands a year income, and since his introduction to Dr Bernardo he has left his estate in the Isle of Wight, and personally promoted the Canada emigration scheme, which is part of the agencies at Avork in connection with the Stepney Homes. He has-j'just bought an estate of 8000 acres at somo distance from tho metropolis, which he intends to devofc to farm Avork, to be carried ou by boys of Stepney. The first batch of 50 hoy* are already engaged under his superintendence. Says tho Alta California : — Mormon jocosity has taken a ncAV* form. A short time since a pamphlet aviis printed iv San Francisco bearing tho title, " A Book of Horrors," and professing to be a historical account of tho crimes of the Danites. This publication aviis sent to all the country papers, and sold in considerable numbers. It now turns out to have been a Mormon hoax. In ono part of the pamphlet there is a passage quoted in what .seems fo be an unknown language, accompanied by n pretended translation. ]J u t the Mormon Church organ explodes the joke by showing that this enigmatical passage makes plain English when read backward, being in part as follows :—" This book is an'unadulterated lie, just liko most others against tho Mormons. If it shall produce caution iv tho publio mind and induce investigation tho author Avill be satisfied. The faults of the Mormons can all bo remedied Avithout a revolution." All this is very funny, but it may prove to be one of thoso jokes which are not unattended witli danger. It is not certain that the explanation will go everywhere that the book docs. Stray copies of the latter will, from time to time, fall into

tho hands of people who, not discovering tho imposition, Avill accept the whole recital as a truthful account, and be thereby added to the number of those who demand retributive measures against the Mormons. In publishing this pamphlet the Mormons havo laid up much Avoi'k fjr futuro years in explaining it aAvay. Tho St. Paul's Pioneer Press says : —The fact cannot be disguised that India is bidding fair to become a very formidable rival to America in Avheat exportation. In the two years just closing Avith 1883, Indian exports of wheat amounted to over 80,000,000 bushels, which is translated to mean an actual deficit at the port of New York of the sum of §100,000,000, with, of course, a corresponding decrease in the profit of tho carrying industries that would havo found income in moving a quantum of grain equalling tho Indian supply. This prospect has long been before the American farmer, but divers considerations have operated to moderate Avhatever terrors the threatened competition seemed to have for him. The Indian farmer, he has reflected, uses a crooked stick for a plough, ho is crushed by a tax that removes any large incentive to labor, and transportation facilities to ports of shipment remain almost as crude and inadequate as in the days of Clive and Hastings. But the fact remains that, Avithall his primitive accessories, the Indian farmer raises 11 bushels of wheat to the acre tilled; and there aro 150,000 square miles of wheat-growing land in British India yet unavailed of ; and principally that Avhile a wheat producing, India is, not a Avheat consuming nation. The farmer Avho raises that staple raises it for export only and lives himself on rice and millett. The Press goes on to point out the necessity of " ejllateral reforms " if America is to hold her own in the Avheat supply of the world, including the cheapening of rates of transportation, the reduction of consumption, and improvement in tillage.