THE BAD BOY HOAXES HIS PA.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3854, 23 November 1883, Page 4

THE BAD BOY HOAXES HIS PA.

" What is this I hear about your father creating a panic in a dry-goods store?" said the grocery man to tho bad boy, as he took a butter-tryer and run it into a pumpkin a few times. " They toll me that he had about a hundred female clerks treed on the shelves, and on the counters, and all of them screaming bloody murder, and that a floor-Avalker hit him over tho head Avith a roll of paper cambric, and somebody turned in a fire-alarm. How Avas it?" " 'Well, if you Avill keep watch for pa at the door, I Avill tell you all about it," said the boy. " Somebody has told pa that I Avas at the bottom of the Avhole business, and when a man loses confidence in his boy, and rolls up a trunk-strap and carries it habitually, it stands a boy in hand to keep his eye peeled. You see, pa has been in a habit lately 1 of going to the store a good deal and laitygagging Avith the girl clerks. Any girl that Avill smile on pa and look sweet catches him, and he Avould sit on a stool in front of the counter ten hours a day, pretending to Avant to buy some kind of fringe or corsets, or something, and lie Avould fairly talk the arms off the girls. Ma don't like it at all, and she told pa ho ought to bo ashamed of himself, 'cause the girls Avas only making a fool of him, and all the people in the store Avere luffing at him, but pa said for her to shut her yawn, and he kept on trying to find excuses to go to the store. Ma told me about it, and she felt real sorry, and, by jinks, it made me mad to sec an old man, old enough to have gout or paralysis, going around mashing clerks in a store, and 1 told ma if she Avould let mo I Avould break pa up in that sort of business, and she told mo to go ahead and make him jump like a box-car. So t'tother day ma gave pa a piece of ribbon to match and a corset to change for a larger size, and a pair of gloves to return because the thumb of one of 'em was ripped off, and told him to buy four yards of baby flannel, and see lioav much it would cost to have her sealskin cloak relined, and to see if her new hat Avas done. Pa acted as though he didn't Avant to go to the store, but ma and me knew that lie'looked upon it us a picnic, and be blacked his boots and changed ends Avith his cull's, and put on his new necktie, and shaved hisself, and fixed up as though he was going to be married. I asked him to let me go along to carry the packages, and he said lie didn't mind if I did go.

You have scon these injy rubber rats they have at the rubber stores, havn't you 'i They look so near like a natural rat that you" can't tell the difference unless you offer the rubber rat some cheese. I got one of those rats and tied a fine thread to it, Avith a slipnoose on the end, and Avhen pa got into the store I put the slipnoose over the hind button of his coat-tail, and put the rat on the floor, and it folloAved him along, and I savoav it looked so natural_ I wanted to kick it. Pa Avalked along smiling, and stopped at the ribbon counter, and Avinkcd at a girl, and she bent over to see AA'hat he Avanted, and then she saw the rat, and she screamed and cruAvlod up on the shelf Avhere the boxes A\-cre, and put her feet under her, and said, take it 'away, kill it,' and she trembled all over. Pa thought she had gone into a fit 'cause she AA'as paralysed on his shape, and ho turned blue, and went on, 'cause he didn't Avantto kill her dead ; and as ho walked along, tho rat followed him, and just as he boAvcd to four girls avlio Avere standing together, talking about the fun they had at the Exposition the night before, they saAV. the rat, aud they began to yell, and climb up things. Ono of them got on a stool and pulled her clothes tight around her ankles, so a live rat couldn't have got in her stocking, let alone a rubber rat, and the girls all squealed just liko Avhen you tickle them in the ribs.

Pa lie looked scared, as though he Avas afraid ho Avas breaking them all up AA'ith his shape, and he kept on, and another flock of girls suav the rat, and thoy jumped up on the counter and sat down on their feet, and yelled "rat." Then the others yelled "rat," and in a minute about Ja hundred girls Avere getting up on things, and saying "shoo," and one of them got on a pile of blankets and the pile fell off on tho floor Avith her, and the men had to dig her out. Pa's face Avas a study. Ho looked at one girl, and then another, and avoiidercd AA'hat Avas the matter, and finally the floor-AValker came along and see Avhat it AA'as, and he took pa by the collar and led hi in out doors, and told him if he ever came in there again ho Avould send the police after him. I had gone by the time pa got out on the sidewalk, and he picked up the rubber rat and found it AA'as hitched to his coat, and he Avent right home. Ma says he Avas so mad that he stuttered, and she thinks I better board around for a day or two. She tried to reason Avith pa that it Avas intended for his good, to show him that he was making a fool of himself, but he docs not look at it in that light.—Peck's Sun.