MISS MURPHY'S BLACK EYE.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3065, 23 April 1881, Page 4

MISS MURPHY'S BLACK EYE.

Miss Honora Murphy, a young female engaged in tho honorable and praiseworthy occupation of goneral housework merely to dispel ennui, nob hearing for some time from the ",bye at home," to whom she was engaged to bo " mar-rid," wa3 advised by the " gerrl next doore " to consult tho spirits. Miss Murphy objected at first, on the ground that she had " taken her ' Father Matchew' seventeen year afore, in her parish church at home, an' niver drunk sperrits," but finally concluded to follow tho advice. She seems quite competent to relate her own experience : — How kern I by the black eye? Well, dear, I'll tell yer. Afther what yer wur tellin' me I niver closed me eyes. The nixt marnin' I ast Maggie Harnahan, the upstairs gerrl, where was herself. "In her boodoore," sez Maggie, an' up I goes to her. " What's wantin', Nora ?" sez she. •' I've jist heered as bow me cousin's very sick," sez I, "an' I'm that frettin' I mus' go an' see her." "Fitter fur yer ter go to yer wurruk." sez she, lookin' mighty cross, an' sh;«.,,the. lazy hulks, as niver does a turn fr,>:if xnornin' till night. Well, dear, I niver take sass from aimy ay 'em, so I iips an' tould her, " Sorra taste ay wurk I'll do the day, an' ay yer don't like it yer can fin' somewan else," an' T flounced messel' out ay the boodoore. Well, I wint to me room to dress messel'; an' whin I got on me saleshkin sack I thought ay me poor ould mother —may the hivins be her bed! —could only see me, how kilt she wud be entoirely. Whin I was dressed, I wint downstairs an' out ay the front doore, an', I tell yer, I slammed it well afthor me. Well, me dear, whin I got ter the majum's, a big chap, wid long hair and a baird like a billygoat, kern inter the room. Sez he : " Do yer want to see the majum ?" "I do," sez I. " Two dollars," sez he. " For what ?" sez I. " For the sayants," sez he. " Faix, it's no aunts I want to see," sez I, "but Luke Corrigan's own self." Well, me dear, wid that he gey a laugh ye'd think'd riz the roof. "Is he yer husband " ? sez he. "It's migh'y 'quisitive ye are," sez I; " hut lie's not me husband", ay yer" want ter know ; but I want ter lam ay it's alive or dead he is, which the Lord forbid !" " Yer just in the nick er time," sez he, " Fais, Ould Nick hero all the time, I'm thinkin', from what I hear," sez I. " Well, ter make a long story short, I ped me two dollars, an' wint into another room ; an' if ye'd guess from now till Aisther, ye'd never think what the majum was. As I'm Btandin' here, 'twas nothin' hut awouant I was that bet, I was a'mosfc spacheless. " Be sated, madame," sez she, p'intin' to a chair, an' I seed at wanst that she was a very ahuperior sort o' person. "Be sated," sez she. " Yer must jine the circle," "Faix, I'll ate a thriangle ay yer wish," sez I. "Yer must be very quite," sez she. An' so I sot down along a lot ay other folks at a table. " First, I'll sing a him," sez the majum, "»n' thin do all yees jine in the chorus." <f Yer mus' axcusemo, ma'am," sez I; "I pivei' could sing; but, rather than spile the divarshun o' the company, ay any wan'll whistle, I'll dance as purty a jig as yell see from here to Bal'nasloe, though it's mesel' as sez it." Two young whipper-snappers begin ter laugh, but the luk I gey 'em soon shut them up. Jist then, the big chap as had me two dollars kern into the room an' turned down the lights. In a minit the majum sthiokin' her face close me own, whispers : " The sperrits is about—l kin feel 'em !'" " Thrue for you, ma'am," sez I, ' fur I kin smell 'em!" " Hush, the in/feence is an me," sez the majum. " I kin see the lion an' the lamb lying down together." *' Begorra, it is like a wild beastess how,"' aez I. " Will yer he quiet ? " sez an ould chap Hex' ter me. " I hey a question to ax." "Ax yer question," sez I, " an' I'll ax mine. I ped me two dollars an' I'll not be put down." " Plaze be quiet," sez the majum, " or the sperrits '11 lave. Jist then kern a rap on the table. " Is that the sperrit of Luke Corrigan ? " sez the majum. " It i? not," sez I j " for he could bate any boy in Kilballyown, an' if his fist hit that table 'twould knock it to smithereens." " Whist ? " sez the majum ; " it's John's Bunions." " Ax him 'bout his progress," sez a woman Wid a face like a bowl of stirabout. " Ah, bathorshin! " sez I. " Let John's bunions alone, and bring Luke Corrigan to the fore." " His ! " whispers tho majum j I feel a Bperrit naro me." " Feel ay it has a wart on his nose," soz I, "for be that token yell know it's Luke." " The moment is suspicious," see the majum. " I hope yer don't want to aSperge me character," soz I. "Whist!" sez she j "tho sperrits is droopin'." " It's droppin", yer mane, sez I, pickin' up a small bottfcle she let fall fall from her pocket. " Put that woman out," sez an ould chap. " Who do ye call a woman ? " sez I. "Lay a fing-er on me, an' I'll scratch a map of tho County Clare on yer ugly phiz." " Put her out! " " Put her out! " sez two or three others. An' they mcd a lep for me. But, holy rocket! I was up in a minute. " Bring an yer fightin' sperrits," I cried, " from Julius Sazar to Tim Maconl, an' I'll bate 'em all, for the glory of Ireland! " The big chap, as had me money kern bebin' me, an' put his elbow in me eye. But, me jewel, I tassed him over as ef he'd bin a feather, an' the money rowled out his pocket. Wid a cry of " Faugh-a-ballah! " I grabbed six dollars, runned out ay the doore, an' I'll niver put fut in tho house again. An' that's how I kern be tho eye.— The Argonaut.