DUNDREARY AND THE 'MURDERER.'

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3059, 16 April 1881, Page 3

DUNDREARY AND THE 'MURDERER.'

When Sothern last resided in_ the Graraercy Park Hotel, he was visited by a young Scotch friend—a trifle inexperienced, but naturally canny—who came all the way from Edinburgh to spend a winter with the comedian in New York. The porter of the hotel was a dark, brigandish-looking fellow, of a good deal of dramatic ability, and no little sympathy (for a consideration) with any humorous experiment of Sothern's. After carefully arranging details with this humble artist, Sothern one evening called the attention of the young Scot to the fellow's gloomy and forbidding appearance. "If I were you,' said Sothern, ' I'd lose no chance of conciliating that man. I never meet him on the stairs without giving him half a dollar.' ' An' why ?' inquired the Scot. 'Well,' said Sothern, 'his would be a most remarkable case anywhere ejse than in America. The fellow's a murderer !' ' A murderer,' gasped the Scotchman. ' Dae ye mean he's committed the aetwal crime o' murder?' ' More than that,' persisted Sotherm ' I mean to say he has been tried, convicted, and sentenced to death —that, as a matter of fact, he is under sentence of death at the present moment.' Before the Scotchman sufficiently recovered to ask another question, the porter came in with a scuttle of coal. 'Ah!' cried Sothern. 'Jones! This gentleman is astonished to hear that you are —well, it's no use mincing matters — under sentence of death.' 'Of course I am,' growled the porter. ' Eor murdering you step-father, wasn't it?' ' Yes/ said the porter, with a scrowl. 'It was my step-father this last time.' 1 You're out on bail while your counsel is waiting to be officially informed that the Court of Appeals has decided against you, aren't you ?' ' Yes sir,' quoth the porter. 'Mr Judson's my bail.' ' Then, maun,' inquired the Scot, in tones of trepidation, 'ye anteeceepate bein' executed in rayality ?' 'Of course I do,' said the porter, with a delicious semblance of contempt. ' Deed an' aa wadna wait for that evaint,' said the Scotchman, his eyes wide open. 'Aa wad gi'e them a' the slip, maun. Ye'ro too coanscieutious a'thegither.' ' What's the good ?' growled the porter. ' I'm sure to be hanged sooner or latter, and I've made up my mind. It's all right. I'll be on hand as soon as I'm notified, sure !' And he vanished. The Scotchman discoursed two hours on the extraordinary system of legal procedure existing in America, and then he went to bed. Early next morning he knocked at Sothern's door, his hat on his head and his carpet-bag in his hand. ' Look here, Ned !' he cried as soon as he saw Sothern, ' aa've been fchinkin' a dail aboot that porter the nioht. Aa wunner if a cairious logical inference his occurred tae you as it his tae me.' ' Fire away !' said Sothern from under the blankets. ' Weel,' argned the Scot, ' that maun, bein' under sentence o' daith a'ready, is beyont the deterrent influence o' ony ither laigal penalty.' ' Coanscious as he is that his days are numbered, he is oabveeously withoot the domain o' moaral argiment or statutory prohibeetion.' ' Of course.'

' Thain,' said the Scot, warmly, ' there's nae influence, moaral, laigal, or itherwis', tae prevaint this fallow frae gettin' up i' the middle o' the nicht an' knockin' me on the heed wi' an aix. They canna hang him twice even in Amairiea, an' until they hang him ance, we're a' at his maircy !' ' Precisely,' gurgled Sothern ; ' and that's why I subsidise him with a dollar a day.' Preceesely !' replied the ingenious Scot, turning on his heel ; 'an' that's why aa'm gaun tae chinge ma quarters tae the Fifth Avenue Hotel. Under the circumstances it'll be a hit safer—an' a quid dail less expainsive!'