MRS HIGGINBOTTOM'S EFFORT TO MAKE HOME ATTRACTIVE.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3006, 12 February 1881, Page 5 (Supplement)

MRS HIGGINBOTTOM'S EFFORT TO MAKE HOME ATTRACTIVE.

Mrs Higginbottom, as a first step, visited her husband's favorite concert saloon under the protection of a disguise and a detective officer. When sho had learned what were the attractions which most powerfully appealed to Mr Higginbottom's mind, she proceeded to reproduce them as far as practicable in her own house. She had the parlor carpet taken up and the bare floor nicely sprinkled with beer and the stumps of cigars. She removed the pictures from the walls, and hung in their places cheap and gaudy chromos, representing impossible young women in undesirable costumes. Two dirty wooden tables and a supply of wooden chairs from the kitchen comple ed the furniture of the room, and it began to assume a really attractive appearance. Before the hour of her husband's return from his business, Mrs Higginbottom hired a man to play on an accordeon, and another to torture a violin, besides three professional drunkards of great indecency of appearance and conduct, and a notorious burglar kindly furnished for the occasion by the police captain of the precinct. There were in the kitchen two Irish girls who were decidedly ugly, but who were clean, decent, and modest girls. These two she instructed in the art of serving beer and spirits, and dressed them in costumes that were extremely vulgar, though they could not be said to' be improper. Having thus arranged all things, she met her husband at the door and escorted him to the dining-room, where he ate his dinner, unconssious of the transformation that had been wrought in bis front parlor. After dinner Mr Higginbottom lit his cigar, and remarked that he must go out for an hour or two to see a friend. His wife, with a sweet smile, told him that he need not go out for sho had finally discovered liow to make home attractive to him. So saying, she showed him into the parlor, and led him to a seat at one of the dirty tables. The fiddler and the accordeon player immediately struck up ; the drunkards, at a sign from Mrs Higginbottom, began to swear and wranglf, and the burglar sidled up to Mr Hijrginbottom, and invited him to take a drink. The two Irish girls brought beer and spilled it on Mr Higginbottom's table ; they called him "Dear," and asked him to " open a bottle of wine," and Mrs Higginbottom, apologising For the fact that, they were undeniably dewnfc girls, assured her husband that nevertheless she was confident that she had finally learned how to make home attractive ; that she hoped to spend many jolly evenings with him, and would like a' hot whisky without any further delay. Mr Higginbottom was at first completely dazed, but in a few moments he recovered his reason. He ordered the girls to go into the kitchen and stay there, and he pitched the drunkards out of the front door, and ordered the musicians and the burglar to follow them. Then he informed his wife that lie had been an idiot of the very largest size, and that if she would restore tho parlor to its former condition, he would stay at borne and make no further complaint of its want of attractiveness. —New York Times.