PRIZE ESSAY ON NEWSPAPERS.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3001, 7 February 1881, Page 4

PRIZE ESSAY ON NEWSPAPERS.

(By our Own Printer's Devil.) Newspapers is termed wehicles o' information. They is diwided into three sesions —Sportin' papers, Noosepapers, and berciety papers. A Sportin' paper (like the Sportin' Times) is a paper a3 tells yer- fair and square how to inwest yer bob withaut being welshed; a Noosepaper (like the Standard) tells yur the same thing, but pertends not to do it; a Serciety paper tells a, man what he didn't a say of, and what his wife didn't a do of.

Compositors is men, but sometimes they is wimmen. They sets up the papers, and makes many a mull o' their koppy. Say as when a sportin' writer says one day as how Robert the Devil will win the Derby, the next day ho says as how it was a " printer's error," seem' as how he wrote as plain as a pikestaff Bend Or, which shows as how compositor's is fools. Compositors is very steady when they is sober, which they seldom is when they can help it. On week-day mornin's you will find Compositors is nr~ch about Shoe Lane and Salisbury Court; on Sundays you will find 'em a-bed. Readers are the men who spoil the punetivashun o' compositors. Readers spells a word one way to-day and another way tomorrer. They is better dressed but has less pay than has compositors. Readers thinks they is intelligent pussons. Some folks thinks different.

Foremen is men as kicks up rows with the compositors for not doin' of what they have been told not to do. Foremen also kicks the printer's devils. Some foremen sings " The Sea is England's Glory." Other foremen'sometimes sings very small indeed.

Reporters is what is termed "the staff," so many o' 'em bein' sticks. They works hard at refreshment bars. They goes night after night to feeds, and eats and drinks for nought. They goes into shops and borders whatever they likes, and pays whenever they likes—which they never pays at all. Spme reporters heats their wives, and some wives beats their reporters. Sub-editors is men who pretends to look over koppy. But they never pretends to look over . bars at barmaids—which they do Jt regular. The public thinks sub-editors is editors —which the sub-editors thinks so theirselves.

Dramatic critics is the coves as does the theaytres. They is rather seedy-lookin' chaps durin' the day, but at night—O, moy ! —they wears black swaller-tails, and new dickeys which sparkles with glass diamonds. The critics all thinks they is belter play-makers than Billy Shakespeare, and they is always a-improvin' o' Hambulet. They sits in the stalls lookin' knives and forks at the audience, and when they turns up their glasses to the gallery to see huz, they seems to say, " Look at the monkeys from the Zoo." Their governors telh the critics never to take free passes, nor never to be one-sided —which they always acts up to obstructions.

Editors is men of great ability, and knows enything in the 'ivings above and the hearth beneath, and the (strong) waters under the hearth. Editors is writers who dosen't write anythink. They eats and they drinks more and better than does the reporters, but they does it on the Q.T. They is the biggest men you ever see. Managers and publishers is men who gathers in the tin. They takes as much as they likes to themselves, and gives the rest to the proprietors. Proprietors isn't anybody; they aint never seen. In winter they lives in the country, and in summer they goes yotting. Printer's devils is the most important persons in a paper office. They has the hardest work and gets the softest screw. That is all. —London Sporting Times.