THE ETIQUETTE OF BOWING.

Daily Telegraph (Napier), Issue 3001, 7 February 1881, Page 4

THE ETIQUETTE OF BOWING.

The etiquette of bowing in foroe between ladios and gentlemen is based upon the same groundwork of ceremony as that which exists between ladies, and yet cases are constantly occurring when the punctilio to be observed is not instantly arrived at, and one is in doubt whether one has done the right thing at the right moment. Good sense and good feeling will often dictate the correct course to follow, should any little perplexity of this nature arise ; but young peoplo who hare not yet arrived at years ot discretion, or learnt by experience to rely upon such trustworthy monitors, frequently act upon impulse, according to their temperaments, and are either over-frigid, or over-forward in consequence. Young ladies who have but just emerged from the schoolroom are often astonished by their mother with " My dear Minnie, who is that young man you bowed to just now ?" "1 am not sure who he is," says tho lively Minnie, " hut I know him very well by sight, and I often dance in the same Lancers with him, and he knows us quite well, and—" which explanations the mother cut short by saying, " My dear, you ought not to bow to a man you do not know, however often you may hare seen him " or, Constance, " you did not bow to Mr Goldfield just now, why was that? You must hare seen him." To which the shy Constance replies, " T saw him, dear mamma, but I was not quite sure if I knew him well enough to bow to him. I was not introduced to him yesterday, although I was drawn into conrersation with Mrs A., as you know." "My dear, replies the mother, " Mrs A. indirectly introduced him to you by calling him Mr Goldfield and by oalling you Miss Dove, and by drawing you both into conversation at the same time. If you remember, she said, ' Mr Goldfleld tells me he has been hunting in Blankshire with your uncle's pack, Miss Dove,' etc., and he seemed disappointed you did not bow to him, I thought." To know a gentleman by sight through having frequetly seen him at balls and parties, does not give a lady the right to bow to him, even though she may have stood beside him for twenty minutes or so on a crowded staircase, and may have raoeired some slight civility from him in the way of making room for her to pass extricating her dress from the feet of passers-by, and so on ; or, although he may have been very polite in the supper-room by handing her something that was out of her partner's reach, or have rescued any lost property in the shape of gloves, handkei'ehief, fan, etc. These and similar small attentions are only what a well-bred man shows towards the aex in general; and yet a lady who has reoeiv jd a little service of this nature from a stranger would gladly acknowledge it at any subsequent meeting by a pleasant bow; but as bowing to a gentleman argues an acquaintance with him, and as in such cases as these an acquaintance does not exist, etiquette prorides no compromise in the matter. Therefore, if a young lady takes her own line, and, rather than appear ungrateful, gires the gracious bow, she runs the risk of being rebuked by her mother for bowing to a man whom she does not know ; and as to do an unconrentional thing is not desirable, the innumerable little serrices which ladies receive at the hands of gentlemen in general society are not further acknowledged beyond the thanks expressed at the moment of their being received. The act of being the first to bow is the pririlege and prerogative of the lady. Bowing, or the act of recognition between acquaintances, is in reality a simultaneous action. A bow is not given to the one until fully conscious that the other is awaiting it and ready to return it. On the Continent, on the contrary, the lady does not bow until the gentleman raises his hat. Foreigners have such an impresse way of doing this that almost approaches an act of homage on their part, and the lady has but to bow sweetly in return. We say sweetly, because there is very much in a bow either from a lady or gentleman. It may be given in a most cordial and captivating manner, a smile breaking over the face the

while, leaving littlo doubt that the rencontre is an agreeable surprise ; or a bow may be given with such an unbending, severe cast of • * , """*>si» WßWr^ reception affords littlo pleasure, and Bheer politeness only. Ladies are sometimes in doubt whether they ought or ought not to bow to a gentleman who is walking with ladios with whom they are unacquainted ; but the rule is to bow if it is possible to catch his eye, even though he is supported by a lady on either side.

Men do not raise their hats to each other, but merely nod, unless one of the two is accompanied by a lady or ladies, in which case he would raise his hut to his friend out of compliment to the ladies, instead, of giving the easy familiar nod ; but the lady or ladies would not take this raising tbe hat in the light of a bow to be returned unless acquainted with the man who gave it. When a bowing acquaintance only exists between ladies and gentlemen, and they meet perhaps ,two or three times during the day, and aro not sufficiently intimate to speak, they do not usually bow more than once when thus meeting in park or promenade $ on the second or third encounter they do not attempt to catch each other's eye preparatory to bowing. Indoors, at afternoon or evening parties, a man cannot raise his hat to a lady, and therefore bows as she bows with a smile and a bend of the head ; but a man sufficiently well acquainted with a lady to do so invariably makes his way across the room to speak to and shake hands with her as soon as he has received a bow from her 5 it is, therefore, very tactless to endeavor to catch a gentleman's eye to bow to him when he is surrounded by or is tho centre of a group of ladies; as lie cannot, with due regard to politeness, extricate himself at the moment from his flattering position, and before that moment arrives other ladies have monopolised him, and the opportunity of conversing with him is lost, for the present at least ; thus a more skilful tactician does not bestow a bow upon an agreeable acquaintance until she observes that he is at liberty to make his way to wherever she may be for tho pur- I pose of shaking hands with her. j

Shaking hands is a very general form of greeting both between new and old acquaintances , friends are beside the question ; the grasp they give each other's hands is inspired by friendship and affection, while that given by acquaintances is tho offspring of politeness. A hostess shakes hands with all strangers who come to her house, but the rule as to shaking hands with new acquaintances on first introduction is an elastic one, and is governed to a great extent by circumstances, opportunity, or the amount of knowledge of the person introduced or the interest felt in him or her, also on certain occasions greater awkwardness would be felt at not shaking hands than in doing so, or the reverse. Thus some shako hands and others do not on being first introduced, but when a bow only is given the body is inclined forward as well as the head, and a bow is in dßflsequence deeper and more prolonged thaw that accorded to one whose acquaintance has- already been made.

Frenchmen express astonishment at the familiar manner, as they consider it, in whioh English ladies shake hands with gentlemen who are mere acquaintances to them, and are of opinion that a courteous how is more deferential towards them, and less free and easy. In Russia an acquaintance kisses a lady's hand, and does not venture upon shaking it, though the feeble, loose touch which does duty for shaking hands with the many, or the sudden dropping of the ringers whioh some people give as a form of shaking hands, hardly merits the term, and is as meaningless as it is uncomplimentary, and would bo better dispensed with altogether, and replaced by tho bow profound. The grasp which foreigners give to each other's hands on first meeting would surprise some of these limp hand-shakers.