AGAINST THEMSELVES

Dominion, Volume 28, Issue 106, 29 January 1935, Page 6

AGAINST THEMSELVES

Scots and Jokes It has been said that the majority of jokes circulated about Scotsmen were composed by Scotsmen and told against themselves. There was little evidence of qualms at the Wellington Burns Club gathering on Saturday night when Mr. R. 11. Nimmo, the chief, drew bursts of laughter from assembled Scots with several choice jokes. The following were the best of several told: — The scene was a Scottish wedding. The bridegroom asked the best man to give the minister a subscription, and after much consideration, sixpence was duly handed over. The minister, after contemplation of the bride, gave him threepence back. A gay Lothario, a well-known drunkard, was reported to have kissed all the women in a particular Glasgow “close” excepting one. The husband of one of the residents told his wife he had met Duncan, who said he had kissed every woman excepting one. “Who is that one?” he asked. “I dinna ken,” replied his spouse, “unless it is that stuck-up Mrs. Tamson wha lives on the upper floor.” A Gordon Highlander while in London had run out of money, and, supported by the knowledge that he had fought for the King, wrote a letter to his Majesty, appealing for £lO. The letter was referred to Sir Douglas Haig, who referred the matter to the officers’ mess. . A hat was passed around and £7 was collected.- Upon receiving a letter from Sir Douglas stating that £7 was forthcoming, the soldier penned a letter to the King which read as follows: "You are a real sport. Don’t send it through Sir Douglas Haig. .He pinched £3 of it.” The scene was the interior of a railway carriage. Seated in the corner was'an old Highland shepherd, dour, prosaic and of very few words. At a stop an Anglican bishop got in, and, seeing that he was observed by the old Highlander, made a remark about the weather and then gleaned from him his occupation. “What do you do for a living, laddie?” queried the old shep- : herd. “I am a bishop—a kind of shepherd'” came the response. “How many : sheep have you in your flock?” asked the ancient, who had about 300. “Many more than 4000, and all in one district,” replied the bishop. "Why, man,” exclaimed the old shepherd, , “you must have a time in the lambing season!”