WITHOUT PREJUDICE

Dominion, Volume 14, Issue 285, 26 August 1921, Page 4

WITHOUT PREJUDICE

NOTES AT RANDOM

(By T.D.H.) Ireland's Hope—a new Val-Era,

An atheist is a blind man with glass eyes.

Lenin, in a letter to a friend, says the Bolsheviks have committed a grave error. The popular impression is that their errors have been nothing but graves.

'Wellington’s big Gorman gun, now moved to Newtown Park, bears on. its barrel the ex-Kaiser’s monogram and. tho words: "Ultima ratio regis”—the last argument of the King. If William. Il had stuck to arguments and not tried guns he would probably not boarding out in Holland to-day.

A mill girl at Ijewsbury, the, cables inform us, ' has been appointed a Magistrate. An excellent idea. Wo have always held that to have “been through the mill” is one of the best qualifications for understanding human problems.

Slightly mixed metaphors from a "Morning Post” editorial: “If Air. Hughes had not come to cement the Empire, but in order to snip the last link between Britain and the Dominions, how the Radical Press and party would have slobbered over him.” Exactly: it appears that the Radical Press ia aggrieved because Mr. Hughes has never evinced the ' slightest desire to tamper with- a single brick in the chain of Imperial unity.

This eftory is credited to John Burroughs: "The Germans are the trickiest people in the world. A German at a dinner party took -in a lady whose name he didn’t catchA Duriflg the fish course he saw a man who had. showed him up the week before in a crooked business deal, and he muttered to the lady, ferociously: 'Do you see that man to the left of the epergue? Well, if there’s one man on earth I hate, it’s him.’ 'Why, said the lady, ‘he’s my husband.’ ‘Yes, of course,' said tho German; ‘thats why I hate him.’ ’’

At least three members of the Ministry will bo in Auckland! to-morrow. Mr. Coates had to go north to turn on the electric light at Te Awamutu Mr. Nosworthy had some departmental business in Rotorua that required attention, and is understood to bo passing throng Auckland on his‘way back to Yellington. Sir Francis Bell merely went up to meet Lord Northcliffe. They are busy men', but it is confidently anticipated that they will all find time to go to the second Test football match. /

When "Punch” became 8 n octogenarian last month somebody raised the question uS to which of tho many hundreds of thousands of jokes the famous old paper had published was most deeply rooted in the public memory. A"-good pick made by one writer was the storj of tho old Scotsman’s "Bang went 6^P e ® c .®’ but a dost rival was ‘‘Punch:s „adv ice to those about to marry- Don t. The "Daily Telegraph” is said to have been responsible for the description of the latter joke as "the memorable monosyllabic monition of the Theocritus of Fleet Street.” _

At the anniversary gathering cf the Sailors’ Friend Society last evening every speaker, from the Governor-Gene-ral downwards, promised only to say a "few words.” Needless to say, no one kept the promise, and the missioner spoke for three-quarters of an hour. Then it became the turn of Mr. Mitchell, MP Before he could start Lord Jellicoe ‘interrupted. “Don’t bother' about the 'few words’ business, colonel, he said, with that twinkle .in his eye which wo have grown to look for. "No one ever expects an th say a. few words.’ ” And the colonel took th® Governor at his” word.

'"Anybody who doubts the wisdom of the Chinese should read their proverbs. They have a book of ton thousand proverbs, and the first one in the volume says: “It is -safer to pull a tiger’s tail than to call a woman's attention to her first grey hair.”

Rumours of burglars and burglaries recall a comedy in which a well-known representative footballer of a few years ago was the star performer. The Wellington team was on a visit to Auckland, and talk.at_.tho hotel dinner ,tabl» had drifted to recent burglaries. That night one of the Wellington men wlio did not move in the most exalted social circles, and whose acquaintance with hotel life was of the slightest, came back to the hotel about 2 a.m. Creeping quietly up the carpeted stairway he° was amazed on reaching; tlie top to see a man slipping stealthily from door to door along tho dim-lit passage, and making oft witn the boots which had been left outside almost every door. Recalling the talk at the dinner table, tho valiant footballer decided tliat re had chanced on the thief, and that time was being thrust on him. Stalking the boot-laden prowler, the disciple of Rugby finally made a dash, collared high and hard, and had his man pinned to .the floor. Lusty shouts brought light-clad assistants from all quarters of the hotel, and after brief explanations a badly frightened night porter was clear of In* captor, and of an unjust suspicion. It is still risky to mention burglars in the hearing of that 'footballer.

"K.E.” writes: "I would like you to let Messrs. J. Heifetz and S. Chotzinoff know that in Wellington we like a concert concluded with a few bars of the National Anthem. So far the Russian visitors havo not so honoured our coimtrv, and there is an old saying. ‘When in Rome do as the Romans do.’ Surely this is a small concession to the crowds new coiiQucred in the Empire City.*

CONSISTENT RUNNING. [“ln tho Magistrate’s Court in Wellington was fined *£s. and ordered ra pay -£9 for'his board, in default one month’s imprisonment. He stayed a month in a city hotel, and during that period never missed a meal; hut ho never paid for anything.”—Court item.] . 'He stayed a month and never misssd a meal, » , What assiduity was his*in dining! No dinner- bell 'but made its sweet Ap-

peal . And woke a grateful echo in Ins lining. Through thirty days his punctuality Provided wonderment for one and all, Nor any time at breakfast, dinner, tea, Was he found missing from tho banquet hall.

He never rose in haste, as many do, To mar digestion with their thoughtless bustle, ’ •, u But with a fine decorum saw it through All courses with no evidence of hustle. He stayed a month and never missed a meal; But then, alas, the score was never settled, And soon the management began to feel A trifle weary and a trifle nettled. “A. fiver or a month,” for so ’tie writ— Tho epitaph of all his splendid spiel; And yet his record, reader! Ponder it: He stayed a month an,’ never missed a meal.