FUN NIGHTS

Dominion, Volume 11, Issue 206, 20 May 1918, Page 6

FUN NIGHTS

THE PADRE AS ENTERTAINER

LAUGHING MADE EASY

a> padre of our battalion has built up quite a reputation as an entertainer. Wllen tho battalion is out resting ho takes charge of the sparo hours of tho men, nm! in case there are others who might like to have a few "tested ro"pes I propose lo describe one of his famous "Fun Nights." _ "Gentlemen," roared a stentorian voice in tho moss lint during tho evening meal, "wo are bavins; a Pun Night this evening at 6.30. There will be lots of sport' and n few prizes for 'lonely boldicrs , !" The shout of approval with which the announcement was received showed that the men had "been there before."

Passing down the crowded luit with a, bagful of prizes, the padre lumped on to tho platform and Raid: "We always begin with some opening exercises. Let's havo a 'rocket.""

This turned nut to bo an imitation of a rockot's flight. First, the audience all said "Sh-h-h!" This was the rocket going up. ■ THen they clapped their hands. That was the rocket breaking. Then they brought their hands down in admiration, saying "Oh-h-h!" This was the rocket coming down. And then, turning to the man beside him, each man said; "Isn't she a beauty?" Roars of laughter followed the exorcise.

"Tip" for Politicians. "Now wo will havo a "parliamentary speech,'" said the padre. It was explained that an American polTcitian had found his meetings so deadly dull that he asked his committee If fJiey conldnt put some ginger into them. "What do you want iir to do?" en id they. "Cant you applaud?" said he. "Wβ don't know wheii to," was tho reply. "Well," said lit, "when I raise my'tight hand you clap. When I raise my left hand yon cheer. AVhen I raiso both hands you clap, cheer, and staJnp your feet." After these preliminary instructions the padre began to recite: "Mary had a littlo lamb, its fleece was white as enow (loud applause), And everywhere that Mary went (deafening cheers), The lamb was sure to go." (Applause, cheers, and thunders of stamping feet.) By tho time he had got to the end of tho last verso the hut was jammed from oud to end, men from all over the camp cnnie hurrying to see what it was all about, and, catching the spirit of fun that had,been already generated, stayed to the finish. "That's mv special recipe for filling a hut," said tho padre. "The other Sunday night I. bad to rido on my bicycle five miles to a service, and there were only forty men there so I did a 'Parliamentary'speoch. Only, aa it was Sunday, I did it to 'Lives of great mea all remind us,' and in less than five minutes I had tho place, full."

Another exercise was a "giant sneeze." The room was divided into three sections—one to say "Russia," another to eay "Prussia," and the third to say "Asia" three times in succession, and the side who did it best were rewarded by having a number of cigarettes thrown down to them. Stimulated in this way a very creditable sneeze was produced. "Now, try with 'Hisher-hosher-hasher,'" said the padre. "And now, staccato, 'Hish-hash-hosh. , " Hardly had the mirth subsided when a prize was offered for the man who could sing "Tipperary" the loudest, all singing simultaneously. The quick ear of the leader, even amid the din, detected the voico that "above the rest did swell," and amid applause ho placed his hand, referee-like, on the winner's heed. A Team Competition, The next was a novel game. Teams of four were stationed on the platformWelsh, English, Irish, and Scotch. A matchbox case was placed on the nose of tho leader of each team, and it had to be passed from noso to nose, up the team, down again, and up again. It it fell off, the team that dropped it hud to start again. The match-box could not be touched by hand except to put it. on the loader's noso. Amid immense excitement Ireland was declared the winner "by a noso."

Then small pioces of paper were passed rapidly round and "Twisted Proverbs" wore asked for. In a few minutes seventy were- handed in, and the audience judged them as they were read out. If the proverb was good enough for a second reading they shouted "In"; if not good enough, they yelled "Out." It was u very pretty psychological etudy to see how quickly and unerringly the crowd picked out the best: "Be it ever so homely, there's no face like your own," "A new broom never sweeps the same tent twice," "Blessed is tho fuartermaster, for lie shall know no want." "A stitch in .time often hides the naked truth," and "Ho that fights aud runs away lives to collect his deferred pay"— these were mraa of the words of wisdom that were produced on tho spur of the moment.

After a. number of other games tho padre said: "We always close these Fun Nights with some good poetry." And in a breathless stillness he recitod Robert Service's "Jfy Madonna" and "Carry On," some verses of Rupert Brooke and Rudyard Kipling, finishing up with these lines of Rifleman Cox, "To Aly Mother, 1916":

If I should fall, grieve not that one bo weak And poor as I Should dio.

Nay! though thy heart should break Think only this: that when at dusk they sneak Of eons and brothers of another one,

Then thon canst say—"l too had a eon Ho died for England's 6ake."

"Would you like a ton minutes' servico beforo we break up?" then asked the padre.

"Yes," roared four hundred throats.

"Th«n let us stand and sing 'Abide witfh He/" Then in a hush that could bo felt the padre recitod thn first words of "The Lord is my Shepherd," and with the music of the Benediction still ringing in my oars T hoard u voice say, "Isn't he a 'trick'?"