THE SUBURBANITE.

Dominion, Volume 6, Issue 1860, 20 September 1913, Page 12

THE SUBURBANITE.

Ho seoketh with much multiplying of words to mako it clear to you tliat although lie now liveth twenty-five miles from the city it taketh him but two and one-third minutes longer to reach his placo of business than when he had his. placo of residence in tho city. He hatli much to say regarding .the way in which he eateth vegetables from' his' own garden, w'hen careful investigation revealeth the fact that the full output of his garden hath never exceeded six radishes and four tomatoes, with one or two "messes" of lettuce bitter to tho tasto. He passeth it out that the eatotn eggs from his own hens, but the wife of lus bosom, having more regard for tho virtue of veracity, doth affirm that three eggs a day hath thus far been the full crop of.ten hens, and that the expense of tho production of these eggs hath been equal to fivepenco each, to say nothing regarding the ill will of near neighbours who do not keep hens. Ho niaketh brazen affirmation that lie sleepetli under blankets every night when those who have been his guests affirm that they slept not at all because of tlio heat and the crowing of his rooster throughout tho 1 whole of the wearisome night, combined with much barking of dogs and much angry dialogue on tho part of many cats. Ho putteth it up that ho findeth great joy in rising at five and "taking a turn" on the near-by golf links, when it is known.to others that ho hath never done this but onco in his life. He speaketh much and with foolishness of the fruit ho hath froip his own trees, when he knoweth that a wormeaten pear tree that vieldeth but six gnarly pears a year and two gooseberry bushes supply all the fruit on his domain. ' .

He speaketh not quite so fulsomely of the joys of suburban life in the presence of liis wife,' since she liath issued an edict to the effect that she preferroth the city for her portion, and that her davs as a suburbanite cometh to an end with the early autumn. Ho knoweth in his heart of hearts that lie is glad that this is to be.—J. L. Harbour n "Life" (New York).