THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 5, Issue 1468, 17 June 1912, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE.

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW-

[Br M.C.K.]

■ "Hallo, my old," said the intelligent foreigner. "Is it, not sad? Poor Sir •Bart! All hia records broken! I remind me of the bone-shaker. Now, we £aicl to oursolves, we aro arrived at tho ultimate of locomoting. But pouf! Wo did not foreseo tlio motor-car. Is it not strange that onco Sir Bart was the supreme optimist? But we advance, is it not? Yes, by blue!"

"So lie is an optimist," replied tlie iWardist. "Tho best yet." "But perhaps one not read tlio papers? You mo. astonish! Regard Sir Mackenzie, Sir Josiah Hambone, Sir Uncle Colville;,,Sir Ranjitsinhji. What of stout hearts!' Sly good gracious, my old! Sir Bart,goes out when it pours, and ho say 'Oh, tliG fine day!' He raise a'loan at twenty per cent., and lie exclaim 'Incredible! Too good to believe, nearly.' He sees sliops closing, people hastening to Australia, money tight—what you say? Oh, yes, tight, as an owl, the workless '.' clamouring in million thousands, and lie declare the outlook could never bo of a hue more rosy. But Sir Mackenzie. Figure you this hero so unafraid. His army mutinies. 'Grand. , he say, 'this is bet- ! ter. This appear like victory!' The \ paper report? Monsieur Millar has declared ; war, and he rejoices. Tears fill liis eyes, ' tears of pride and happiness. 'The last doubt, is, depart/ he .sn}*s; and flies ,the Scotch flag from his special train. The brickbat of circumstance strikes his vest with great eclat. Recumbent, he exclaim, 'Another gold medal from the people who have a so groat regard for mo. , ' • The ancient, egg of contumely enliven his Tartan with yellow,' and he publicly thanks the author for this indestructible proof tiiat tho mass of the' people acho for him to remain. Your Sir Bart an optimist?. - .Pouf!, Wait, dear mister, -Tiittil Sir Mackenzie accept the knockout. .You will find him sitting on the paveway /explaining that it was a testimonial illuminated. What hero!" .

'"Signor Lioy. one of the', counsel for the 'defence in the trial of the. Oamorriste at Vlterbo, has spoken for three'weeks. The -prisoners complained, and declared- that unless the speech was curtailed > four of them, suffering from heart disoaEe, would die in gaol."—Cable itsm. '.Enter the prisoners. ' ... . Erricone (loudly) :"By all de steak-ado oys", he is still going!" ..',."' Giiiseppe: Nnmc-a banana! : . My heart is' weak. I faint. Steak-a do oyst', I wish I pleaded guilty. Better tho rope than to be- talked to death. Halt! For love-a the banan', terminate! I faint. (He faints.) . ' -' •

(Loud uproar in the cago. The prisoners shout and beat the liars. The officials rush round crying "Call-a. the police.", Counsel.for the.defence goes on more volubly than ever.)

„' Counsel for the defence: "And now, reverting again to tho original question, I ask- whether these gentle spirits, these .noble-hearted citizens of/Viterbo, could ■have been guilty of harbouring a thought? ■etc., , etc., etc." '■»■■• ■•• . ■

■ Luigi: By all the hapuk' and Echnap■per," this is worse than death. For ever•more. oh, nay brothers, we must live in j'this cage, and listen to, this devil of ver"bosity. For just one minute with him, a knife, and a dark street. Aha! (Ho -falls in a fit.) ' ' :

"." .Abbateraoggio (suddenly, to the police,',maii on guard over his own little cage): j'Basfct l'.'.' Signor Murphy, I know him. ,t(G.ninn£..closery. at...tho,.still-eloquent lawyer.) Time I was in Wellington I often heard-a. him. Sbeak-a do oyst'!. I now know. Only one man speak-a like that in all the world. It is Joe Ward. Constable Murphy: Soilence! p That it is no easy thing to bo a Minister ought to be obvious from the following "copy of correspondence" that may soon be found in the waste-paper basket of the Secretary of the Post Office: ' :'l2j6/'l2r-The Assistant Sub-Deputy Senior Parcels Inspector reports that the Minister's idea is Impracticable.'Flounders, it is true, might be posted unwrapped, but it would be necessary to affix stamps on the pale side of the fish, on which the address would necessarily be written.. Being flat, flounders present.many resemblances to the postcard. Tho A.-Sub.D.S.P.I. points out, however, that crayfish and hapuka Jack these advantages— Secretary, G.P.0." <"12/6/'l2—The Kennel Club suggests that bnj|dog3 might be sent by post, lie complains, and I agree with him, that it 's 'unfair to have to -register a dog without being allowed to post him. Please report, as the bulldog industry has great possibilities in view of the increased trade in '■bulls.-H. G. Elk" 'V'l2/6/'l2-lio bulldogs., Extend your inquiriee to cover, the fact that water 'and meat must be posted with each dog.—H. 0. Ell:"---'.' '■ •' J .-■-■■■■ ■■■ : .'

~.. ."IZ/6/'l2-Third Assistant Chief Wrapper to the Deputy Eogistration Clerk reports that there has beetle no refusal to post bulldogs in the past.—Sec., G.P.0." . "13/6j'l2—l am advised that wo have pro- . .Tided.' no facilities: Tor porting hot lunches ta.-workingmen.-.,- Iteihove this blemish , at ' once.— JT. 0. Eil." ; ".;

/ V''l3,'6/.'l2—A great saving can be effected • by-doing ' away with postmen's whistles. ".1t. , , is represented to me that the fish will give ample-notice to householders of the postman's approach—H. G. Ell." ; " "13/6/'l2—Re whistles. "Counterniand order » for abolition. A depuration informed me •- that during the winter tho majority of . people suffer from cold in the head to the ' detriment of their sense of 0. : Ell."

"13/6/'l2—Will inquire into question of olfactory nerves.—Secretary, G.P.0." "13/6/12—Re olfactory nerves. Are these yet on tho list of articles that may be posted? .Have a comprehensive report sent at once.-H.G. Ell.".

"31/7/'!2-The Chief Controller of the * String Branch eays that to carry carya- ■•■ tides by post will involve specially 'con,7 ftruoted postmen. Your suggestion re ;'•'. planting trees on the flat roof on the ■ • G.P.O. ia being reported upon.—Secretary, ."1 G.P.0."

<;'3l/7/'l2-/rhe Minister presents his compliments to the Secretary, and suggests that' he • take a holiday, as his memo, of even date bears evidences of being the product of a, wandering mind.—X.Y.Z., Private Sec." "Can Joe come bank?" nsked Mr. Hennessy. '■.'..'."- "Well, Jawn," said Mr. Dooley. "I idinnaw. It depen's on. whether th' Op-p'sition.press-has anny authority lef in the face ir Harry Ell's coorso iv tuition in th' higher bra-nches iv German .theology f'r postmen. But if they have, Joe may sthruggle back. 'Tis a pathetic episode, wan that makes even th' toughest iv us Teelise that there's still a lot iv human nature, thank Hiveu, in pollyties. A gr'reat human drama, as th' pote Bracken fays. Whin me fraul Joe came ,back from Sydney, he r-read th' an' ho blushed. 'Dear old EH/ ho says, T say that me name wuz th' brightest in Ih' annals iv th' worrld. Ho exaggerated/ lie says, 'slightly/ says he. 'An' Lorn'son, too, a good hearrt/ he says, 't' point with trinmp t' th' onpar'lelled ability iv th' ex-Prime Minister. An' Tom, too, dear dear/ he say, 'th' boy 3 is too good. The dear chaps, with thoughts t' spare f'r me even in their throublee. They.want me/ he says, 'they're human/ says he. 'Bill' he say.t' his secretary, 'Bill, put in an, ad. sayin' I'm goin' V stay an' save th' parr-ty, an.' Bill, don't say a wurrd f ermywan. 'Tis tf be a pleasant surprise V Tom an' all th' boys. An' ring up th" police an' toll tliim th' thraffio will be rongisted just about here. Ye'can tell him in confidence, 'twill be th' Liberals throngin' t' congratulate mo, an' Bill, eee that th' cigaTS on* things is ready an' numerous/lie says. An' he sat an' waited, loungin' in an Imperial attichood an' n Win'sor uniform, an , ho wo.ited an' waited till near dinner. 'Bill,' he says, Mid. th' ad. appear? , 'Yea/ , Bill. 'Thin nnbody can r-rea<l th' pa-apers. Ha/ he said,-'here is dear old Tom. .Well*.

Tom, I suppose ye.sec I've done it. I'll take conthrnl at wanee, if ye like?' lie says. "I'is turr'blo weather, isn't it?'" said Tom, loukin' us ciit'lmMuslic us a cab-horse in a southerly. 'Al'tlierr-readin' yero speeches, Tom/ lie says, M ciulu't do less f'r ye/ lie says. 'An , how is golhif?" says Tom. "Oh, grand,' says Joo, 'but nip golluf holiday is done, an' now—'but Tom says suddenly, 'I'll miss mo car,' an' deparrts. In short, Jnwii, a loud an' prolonged silence reverberated through th' serried ranks iv Warrdism, comparable in its intensity only t' th' enthusiasm iv th' dhrownin' man whin he felt his lefts clutched fr'm below be Ih' other man. Whin ye see a Ministher hurrie<lly turn over eighteen pages iv his speech notes, ye can tell he had sthriiek Hi' passago lie recited whin Joe was booked f'r. other parrts. An' th' Liberal jourrnal's article on th' Balkans is th' wan that fills up the spnm iv th' article thnt used t' prove Joe wu/. the only wan that ever vnss. The Balkans leaderwritcr is demantlin' pay f'r overtime." "But will Joe como back?" asked Mr. Hcnnes.sy. "Not if tli' Warrdists can help it, Jaivn."