THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 5, Issue 1437, 11 May 1912, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE.

A. BIRD'S-EYE VlEW- .'.'.■■ ' ../[BtM.C.KJ "Good day, dear mister,"' said the intelligent foreigner. "My friend the Wardist has on engagement with Monsiwr Doolcy, : and I soi«s tho opportunity to address you. You seek something, one says. Not so? Tell me, my old. "A six liower day is wot I want, eaid the worker. .-•'■• ' "They have not then deceived me. I have the plan immense. You suffer, my poor old, from the labour. Why any labour? Alia! Your eye lights himself. Tho rent," ho is a bore, is ho not? Your frown is full of eloquence. Suppose you pay no rent? I interest you, I see, dear mister. Then tho porspiration-so horrid! Price of meat, too-terriblo! You would wish to ho freo of the capitalist, not so? Ver' well. I know the locality where nothing offend'anybody. My plan-oh, it is practical to the degree ostomsbinj. In this locality nobody works, nobody pays rent, the butcher's bill ifl not at all, tho capitalist is a dream.of time ago. No more perspiration—no long waiting for tho sweet musio of five o'clock. No days of working. There tho people have solved tho problem—tho only people who have eolved all the problems. Nothing of problems"" any-'morel The only place where one is not oppressed by tho law economic, the Mammon's invention that two and two make four—that a quart cannot come out. of a pint. Aha! That touch you. I have think it nil out." -■ "Were's this 'ere place?" said, the toiler as he carefully finished hie beer. "Seeme ■a all right'place:' , A bloke might feel almost incimed;ter defend it. Were is it?' i' "Tho cemetery, my old." j Did you ever catch a Bishop out in a misquotation'of Scripture? Or-bring off just the losing hazard yon saw George Gray miss?- Did-you ever feel m Norman Gate felt.that time?- . . . Poets may Bine of their Illy maidi • ! And ravo'bf •■ their marble 'tails; '" Bfon'din may "quit*' successfully trot ■ , "Over ■ Niagara. Falls;, :■ ■ . ' But-I bowled three curates out With three consecutive balls; I bowled three sanctified souls With thr;e consecutive balls I Misquoted, .but the matter is there. You do know that feeling, don't you ?_ It came to •'■ nie"!this week/'lt came -'when the Mayor—professor M'Laren, ;D.D.,..Litt.D., '•LE.D'i etc.—attempted to' tleflno 'the Labour movement. "It desired/,-he said, "to' grow new' fruits for a richer life, and to construct new conditions/ of environment for the mass ot the people." "That is my conception of tho Labour movement," he added. "That, bear it well in mind, is what Dr. M'Laren, F.R.G.S., D.C.L.,, ex-M.P., says. Who can blame a common person like .me for feeling proud of my far;,niore:.lucid conception; of this noble movement'? - Labour ;move-"ment,"'ii'-e%nld saj; if the; Men's Brotherhood would only invite me to say it, "is an organised movement for, the realisation of the ultimate-to substitute, for the mute incuriousness of the monad, the pulsing resonant yearning of the multiform intelligence for the realisation of perfectibilist ; aspiration.—to merge , in _amassive community of uplift-ness the inchoate barrenness of petrified normality of life-to fulfil the destiny of agglomerated experience by triumphing over the fuliginous and mephitic preconceptions of a disorganised; humanity. ;That,,gentlemen, is briefly my conception of the Labour movement. Upwards, in, the words of Dr. M'Laren, Ph.Dl— onwards, as Mr. IWlds so brilliantly put it—circumambiently, to quote Mr. Trcgear." One cannot deny that that is finer, aad more lucid, that tho Mayor'a conception, even if ;it is the conception of a mere amateur. Bill, our wuckin'-man, knows no- • thing about it. His conception is " 'Igher bloomin' wages, less bloomin' work." It is nothing to go one better .than Bill, who is only a practical toiler. But the professors who have concentrated on thought about labour—who have given up their lives to reading and theory—why, it really is something to be proud of to beat them. It was right that tho various classea should be represented in the Cabinet, and that members of the Cabinet should discuss various ideas, and evolve , that which was best, and give effect to it.—Mr. T. Mackenzie, at Balclutha. Mto a. large handful o{ personal Taflity; Add half a bushel of tustlan and fudge; Ifii it up well with loquacious inanity; Season it with a' refusal to budge ;- Thus you will get (I've the hlgiest authority) All that is finest in "Liberal" ruleSomo may advise that you need a. majority: They are the slaves of an outof-date , school. Don't lave a policy; chiefly, don't prophecy; Keep a lonj strtns on whsutever you say Now, after Uhlrty years waiting for office, I Know thet to-morrow may alter to-day. Travel and travel and talk to the jallery; (Nicely, it haps that here statesmanship ohimes , With the work of enlanlne a Minietsrs ea-lary, - Work that ib urgent those. desperate times). v So much for policy; now for the Cabinet:Here you , may mil things as much us So long as you Bee there's the gift of the Banquets, you know, aoclale, fetes, thing* , Iflto these.

Take a, hot Radical add a Conservative, ialanco the No-iicenee man with « brower; ; Don't forget Oolvln, the neutral prewrra That'iß the. Ministry bound to endnro. Have yoa not heard of the nonir eweet hagifis? ko, That's tho receiirt upon iriiloh I Mil To keep us together so bUthe while we drag a elow ■ JToU-paid career till the emash In Julj. ""Well, how do you think Tom Mackenzie is-shaping?".asked the■ Wanlist. ' "Well-sir,"-said Mr. Dooley. "I m an infant, at pollytics. I uscd-t' think that be th'timo me frind Joe wmt t th polls in a whirbviri , iv language that I had reached standard wan, bo to speak, an wud soon be ablo t' pass on f th' higher political laws that made me old frind liuddo possible, an' so on. But now that Tom an , Lorn'son is into their sthnde, I reelise I'm not out iv long clothes in th pollytical eense. Pollytics, I thought, was th' arrt iv scrappin' f'r three hundred a year in th' iuthrcsts iv all, but 'tis not. I dinnaw now what 'tis—whether it is animal, vegetable, or minoral is beyond me. -I think it's th' box-thrick or th' vaniahin' rabbit, or something. Tom, now. Tom' doliTors a.policy speech at Balclutha, an' talks f r two hours t' th' accompaniment of loud applaueo fr'm th' aojienc*, an' approvin' soun's fr'm th,' cows an' other produce who rolled up in tV paddock ontsido t' hear th' man they had been hearin' about. But he said he wud not tell his policy, because there was bad characthera about. He had lef it nt his bunker's, or.'dher a sthrong guard. 'I will not,' he says, 'expose me policy t' th' risk iv boin' rooned he th' stones that Bill Slassey was sevn 1' conceal in his hal: f'r Hi' e.tprcs? purpnfo,' ho says, 'iv creatin' di.'onler. Hi' policy's snfe (loud on' prolonged cheer?),' ho snys. 'As t' th' challenges f ma t' prove that Mascey stole the ducke. last Chooedah, I havo no tim« fr challenKoj. I inuit giT« dl m«

time,' he saye, 't' govornin' tli' coimthry,' says ho 'by means of relevant remarks. But I will deal with th' duck incident. I have here an arrticle fr'm a paper, distinctly statin' that duclc-stcaling was common in some parrts,' ho says, 'which settles it,' says he. Now, sir," Mr. Dooley wont on with oLvious indignation, "Torn, havin' thus clarely declared his policy, left ma wondherin' a minute later bo sayin , that ho would think different nex , week. 'They eay I'm a turncoat,' he says, 'but, gentlemen,' he says, 'who is not -wiser to-day than he was yesterdah. Three years ngo I was only fifty-sax years iv age, an' who will pin a man in afther iifo f his sentiments expressed be him lvhin a sthriplin' iv fifty-six. Be hivens,' he says, 'eome iv thim nctchooly thry f pin me f what I said whin I was only lifty-four. (Shame!) A man grows wiser —(npplause)-day be (lay/ he says,—(vociferous cheers)—'an' I stan' hero a convinced Mackenzieite—(renewed cheers)— and,' ho says, 'I will be wiser to-morrow/ ho says, 'maybe,' ho eays, 'as circumstances dircc',' says ho. (Loud silenco.) I join in that loud eilence, sir. Tom's doin' fine, iv coorse. • It's not him really I'm angry with. But luk at th' timo I wasted purauin' what I see now is, as Hogan wud eay, th' illusory delusion that pollytics wuz pollytiu. They are not, sir."