CIGAR NUMBER TWO.

Dominion, Volume 4, Issue 1180, 15 July 1911, Page 6

CIGAR NUMBER TWO.

MY AUNT SOPHIA. AND LIBERAL PRINCIPLES, (Br "Wi."> "Really," observed my Aunt Sophia, with an ostentatious sniff, "I do not know what I should do with a husband who smoked cigars." "Well, Aunt," I replied, "If he—or— loved you very much"—the idea was a strain on. my gravity-—"ho might give them up, for your sake. But if you loved him with equal fervour"—Aunt Sophia sniffed disdainfully—"you wouldn't ask him to give them up—livo and let live, you know." And so saying, I lit my weekly fat cigar. Aunt Sophia opened her liand-bag,' and drew out a small note-book, which she opened. Then slie prouueed a small gold pencil-holder, which she screwed till tho carefully sharpened point of a pencil appeared to the view. Then sho "arranged" Herself very precisely. Finally, sho broke tho silence. "Charles," she began, impressively, "a party which can remain in power for nearly twenty years must have (lone something to retain tho confidence of its supporters." "M—yes?" I agreed, .tentatively. "Then—why all this agitation against tho "Liberal party?" . inquired' Aunt Sophia, tapping her pencil on her notebook. .

"Tliero is no agitation against tho Liberal partv, Aunt." "Well—against the Ward Government? '"That, my dear' Aunt, is an entirely different matter." ; "Hut why—Sir Joseph "Ward is tho head of tho Liberal party here?" My Aunt Sophia, was clearly puzzled. "Ho says hs is. But there are occassions, Aunt, when you can't place implicit confidence in the definitions of even a Prime Minister. Once upon a timetwenty years ago —we had a Liberal party in New Zealand, and- it was headed by tho lata Mr. Ballnnce, and entrusted with tho government of this country because it professed—and during Ballance's time acted upon—certain principles which all lib-eral-minded men approved of. Everybody respected Ballancc, and the majority trusted him and his party. But that, my dear Aunt, was a great many years ago. lou won't find Ballance's principles on Wards side of-tho House to-day."

"Just a moment, Aunt. You will ask, no doubt, what- has become of the principles which put Ballance in power?-' ''That is what I. was about to ask, re-

plied Aunt Sophia. "Wero you at Massey s meeting last Tvent there to hear what his policy was." . "Well, my dear aunt, the principles enunciated by Mr. Massey were, broadly speaking, tho principles which put Mr. Ballanco in power twenty years ago.' "Dear mo!—how very peculiar! observed Aunt Sophia. "Why 'peculiar'?" I asked. ~ "I thought Mr. Massey was Conscrvative?" ' "What made you think that?" ; "Well," replied Aunt Sophia, "everybody thinks so—everybody 1 havo spoken to thinks so. We havo Liberals on one side and Conservatives on the other side— isn't that so?" ' "Now, my dear annt', how in the name of Fortune can' a- man who' believes the things that'-Mr. Massey believes be called a Conservative? You heard what ho said last week—did that sound like a man who wanted to stifle tho country's progress with a Conservative.policy"? "N—no," replied Aunt Sophia, still puzzled. "But where aro the Conservatives?"

: "Well—thero are really no Conservatives in a democratic conntrv like New Zealand. That is, no Conservatives as we know them in the Old Country. W'e are nil Liberals out here, but there are real Liberals and sham Liberals. Tho real Liberals want sound, honest, and strict Government, apji'rt from all considerations as to what" they are going to get out of it. The sham Liberals are tho hangers-on to office, who are all tho time asking: 'Where do wo come in?'

"And tho sham Liberals—they are now in power?" "Exactly," I replied. "And Sir Joseph Ward—you call him a sham Liberal too?" inquired Aunt Sophia, anxiously. " -• ' "Sham is—politically—no name for him," I responded, with omphasis. "Just now you asked me how it waj that his party lias remained in office for 20 years. Well, it is partly because they pursue tho evil political pathways of sham Liberals. Instead of using their position to push the country's interests they havo used it t'o push their own, and " "Yes.' yes. They do seem to be very well off. But why does the public let them?" -. .

"Well, you see, when a party is 6elfish and unscrupulous enough to use tho enormous fuuds of tlio State, so as to buy votes instead of spending it on works for the benefit of the country as a whole, a large section of tho public finds it pays it to shut its eyes " "No doubt," impatiently snapped Aunt Sophia, "but isn't there an auditor—or something ?" "Of course, but you don't understand me. My point is that the money though legally expended is spent where it will buy political support lor the Government, and not where it will do tho most good. Then tho Government has been kept in office b,vending billets for its friends and by holding out hopes of more—at your expense and mine."

"But they could not provide, billets for everyone," objected Aunt .Sophia.' "'Certainly not," I meekly answered. "It is not Accessary. They, do find a great many, and tho friends of tho many make tho many more—that/is more workers for the party-that .'distributes the spoils. It is quite a genteel occupation touting for tho Government—some highlyplaced Civil Servants could tell vou it is profitable also at times. Of course tho Government also gets a certain amount 1 of support t'co, because they call themselves 'Liberal'. There is a.lot in a name. i "}"ou evidently didn't get a billet, Charles," snapped my respected aunt 'with what must be regarded as vinegarish emphasis. "No, aunt, with your shining example of independence ever before me, I could not descend to it. nut"—and it seemed politic to divert slightly—the Government iuu*t be given credit i'or somo cleverness in being able to mislead the public for so. *9 n e» regarding their opponentspainting them, my dear aunt, as most untenable people. Still the public cannot be hoodwinked for ever as your friend, tpp noble baronet, will discover."' "But you may ho misjudging the poor man, Charles, persisted Aunt Sophia. I do not misjudge him, and what is more, my dear aunt,- ho is not a poor mail. 1

Perhaps, Charles., hp may have improved upon Mr. Eallancc's principles and you 'won't give him credit for it" Clearly, Aunt Sophia had fallen into the hands of the Philistines.

'Improved! Ha—lm! Ho—ho! nolle! My dear Aunt. I begin to perceive tllat-someono has been talking pure unadulterated tonuny-rot—" ; "Charles!" "I!(?g pardon—someone, I meant to convey. l»s misled you."

"I can't think that a man whom the King has made a baronet, whoso familv will for all timo bear his titled namesuch a man so.signally honoured abovn his fellows, should, nay. must, have a noble past—u noble record, Charles. How can you so disparage the services of this great man's Government," commented my Aunt, severely.

I shook iny fist in despair. "Precisely —that's the way you people aro • humbugged every day of your lives. Why— tho very fact that tho man professing tho viows he does and accepting an hereditary title ought to be quite enough. But no—the man in the back-blocks, roading his littlo country newspaper—which fattens on Government advertisements— swallows, without thinking for himself,

tho rubbishy sentiments which convey to tile public t'lio paper's opinion—subsidised opinion, mark you—upon our great Em-pire-builder. "Well, Charles, he has done a lot for tho Empire—vou must admit that," contended Aunt Sophia. _ ' "I don't admit anything of tlm kind," I Tcplied. "What has ho done?" "Givsn a. battleshin to the Old Countrr." said • Aunt Sophia, sentimentally. "Bali! By tho same token, what would you say if I gave you a motor-car—eh "Don't bo silly, Charles," said Aunt | Sophia, fre'eeing'.y. You know ver.v well [you couldn't pay for a motor-car,"-

"Quito correct, Aunt, quite correct," 1 replied. "Perhaps you wouldn't mind lending mo tho money to buy your littlo present. Aunt Sophia looked really shocked. "Joe Ward—'Sir Joseph Ward—couldn't pay for his battleship," 1 hastened to explain. "Of course he couldn't," retorted my Aunt, recovering herself. "Will you be •serious?" "X am perfectly serious, Aunt. I say he couldn't pay for his battleship." "Ye?, yes," retorted Aunt Sophia, impatiently, "but tho country nad tho ! money.". "No, it didn't." "Well—who did ?" "Nobody, my dear Aunt. Tho battleship was got on 'tick.'" "On what?" "I mean—Sir Joseph Ward, Bart., P.C., D.C.L., etc, etc., presented the British Government with a cruiser-battleship which cost .£2,000,000 of borrowed money. Now do you see?" Aunt Sophia saw. "And they made him a baronet!" sho said, in an awed voice. "Yes—they luado him a baronet. He bought them a battleship at our expense, and he borrowed tho money from them to do it with. He's certainly a brilliant man.' Wo buy tho battleship on borrowed money and he gets the baronetcy. You ought to vote for him, Aunt." "Certainly not!" said Aunt Sophia, with decision, "no who goeth a-borrowiug Charles, gooth a-sorrowing." "So they say, Aunt," I replied, "but in this case it is you and I and tho rest of the people who will do the sorrowing—not tho gentleman, who did tho borrowing." "Yes, indeed. Good-night." At the door, Aunt Sophia paused. _ ' I wonder who will be doing sorrowing, as you call it, after the elections?" I smiled. "Not the present Borrowers— 1 eh ?" . , "Decidedly not, Charles. I'm going to join the Political Reform league." "Then we may. regard tho result as settled?" . .. "Don't bo frivolous. It's a serious business, Charles.—Good-night."