THE CHANGING SCENE

Dominion, Volume 4, Issue 1169, 3 July 1911, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. ;(Bi M.C.K.) . ' ?, While tie rest of the Liberal press is moaning over Sir Joseph Ward's acceptance of a baronetcy, the Government's Christchnreh organ has discovered that "Sir Joseph has borne tho honour of knighthood so modestly that ho is not likely to give any cause for offenco under his new fcnnlon." Tho Liberal ranks aTo full of woe; Pear presses, on each faithful heart; In tragic tones they whisper low, "Sir Joe's a Bait!.;' Sir Joe's a Bart!" With grief they hear "proud Labour yell, And see it jumping on its hat; Thoy winco to hear its chorus swell: "The plutocrat! The plutocrat!" • They dread tho faturo; they axe sad; And In an anguished vision sec His butler, maids and footmen clad In livery—in livery. The stouter hearts.declaro that they Who feel displeased aro very few; Bat privatoly thoy weep and gay, "It's Waterloo! It's Waterloo 1" . They hear tho cynics all around Remarking, as they wink their eyes, Quito audibly, "Two million pound! A steepish price! •■ A steepish price!" •In vain the paper strives to set Tho party up again on end 3y saying that .the Baronet Will not offend—will not offend. 'Dejectedly they hear it said The Baronet will not expect The public, when he sods his head, To genuflect, to genuflect; Nor have the city carpeted To save;his. gold and diamond bootg, Jfor mark his time of going to bed ' By royal salutes, by royal salutes. But even this no comfort hath! They ;feel-rand, feeling it, they quake— fTho Party's on the downward path Without a brako,, without a brake. They mourn, and set their faces hard; And wait to see him come! again Surrounded by a bodyguard ' Of;,armed men, of armed men.

• And. if the people are not liars. If all ono hears is really true, Apartfrom what Ws rank. requires, ' He'll need 'em, too, he'll need 'em, too.

"That's th J weakness iv theelogeens, Jawn," said Mr. Dooley. "They only han' yo out th' rules iv Christianity, 'lis like arrtV? Arrt wuz nowhere whilo the theorists wuz explainin' rule wan, use a brush;, rule two, keep th' paints separate; rule three, aim at truth'. 'Twuz not till th' practical spirit arrived that ar-rt began t'" take those leps ahead that have culminated in th' annual exhibit in Wei-' lington iv a ; gran' display iv pictures, manny of which is worth at lasto wan on' six without th' frame. So with Christianity. It's thrue meanin' is like mo irind Joo Warrd's ideo iv how ho will-bo. received—ye can only guess at it. But Mr. Fowl's has decided t' claro th''mat-'' ther up.

"T' properly ondherstan Christianity/ he says, 'ye- must watch it at wurrk in pollytics/ ho says. Now, Jawn, yo might think Christianity means roindin' ycre business .an' bclievin' there's a sparrk iy good annywhero. That's an exploded idee. Fowl's exploded it.. 'Massey/ ho says, 'fake Massey. 'Tis thruo that ho said he wuz sorry about th' book- that dug into th' hist'ry iv mo frind Joe/ he says, 'an' ye might think ho wuz sorry. But t' th' eyo iv wanwho ,has th' inward light/, ho says,, 't' th'-'vision sh'arrpcne'd bo yeats iv devotion t' th' Sundah school child/ 6ays he, 't' th' expoprt Christian/ says he, 'na-wthin' is more obvious than that Massey'wuz a liar. Whin a man says .he is sorry, th' Christian gospel—rule fortythree—says yo mustn't believo him/ he says, 'if he is on th' other side/ ho says.. Ye might think Fowl's is-pushin' Christianity , too far. Ye might think-. that whin an act is explainable as an act iv gen'rosity it is th' duty iv th' Christian t' so explain it. But where wud Christianity, where wud pollytics, ba',' if ye encouraged th' idee that th' enemy is-de-cent in spots? Luk at th' ould days. In those days, whin a man did th' right thing, his pollytical opponent wud never dhream iv imputin' a bad motive; an' ■what wuz th' result? Those darrk ages niver produced a Fowl's: Ye may searrch th' san's iv timo an' ye will find not a futprint at nil like th- wan an illuminated. reproduction iv which hangs in th' shop iv. every Christian, bootmaker in Grey Lynn. Yon an' I can niver hope t' reach th' height iy Mr. Fowl's, Jawn. We will prob'ly go- on thinkin' that whin Bill Massoy lifts up a dhrunk on his way home fr'm th' House iiis reel objec' is not, as-th' Christian knows it is, t' .go through th' dhrunk's pockets. . Or whin he'gives half a crown t' a swagger, we'll perhaps be so un-Fowl's-like as not, t' dctluce.that he wants th' swagger t'spen' th' cash in dhrink an' get himself arlisted." ■

"Is that pollytics inspired be Christianity?"" asked Mr. Hennessy. ~~

"Mr. Fowl's snys so. Ifs cither that or clso Christianity tempered be pollytics."

"One did not want to excite tho public mind."—The Hon. i). Buddo to a deputation.

When tho people cry and bicker over land and law and liquor And tho Labourites aro verging on the riotous, 'And when even Mr. Carroll wakes and mounts upon a barrel, And Masacy helps to harass and disquiet us,'' '

And discussion grow 3 tesplosive re the title of Sir Joseph— The thought of Mr. Buddo brings sobriety, .■With his gentle deprecation of tho mental .cerebration That produces all the evils of Society. ,

.While you've thought you're moving onward, ming ever, soaring sunward. And that Progress is the fever that you swelter in,,. That the stirring of opinion is the life of our Dominion, I've been looking round for some retreat to shelter in From your noxious effervescence, and I've found it in the presence Of the enemy of violence and variety, Who is sure 'twould all bo righted if we never grew excited, For' it's Thought that is tho canker of Society.

Oh! to be thus bland and placid, thus impervious to tho acid Of the comments of opponents sharp and critical. Thus serene, the while tho nation in a heavy perspiration Goes on growing more unhealthily political!

A baronetcy offers only chances to tho scoffers; A Knighthood raises questions of propriety; Far more durable his peace is who regards as quaint diseases All tho thoughts and controversies of Society,

A case of soap consigned to a local shopkeeper was broached between Sydney and Wellington. "Onr men can't bo accused of that theft, anyhow," said a loea] Labour, leader whqn he heard, of. it t

Tho eyo of this column was caught this week by tho following feat in headlines ;— SIE JAMES CARROLL. A LONG-STANDING GRIEVANCE. A grievance, perhaps; but should it not havo been a long-sitting or a long-lying-down-and-peacofully-smoking grievance ?

Some mystery clings about wliat Sir J, G. Ward, Bart., said about tho New Zealand press when lie talked into the phonograph at Madame Tussaud's, or tho Whito City, or wherever it was. Tho actual facts must bo printed. Tho baronet himself would tell nobody anything excepting that ho had said "nothing that was .libellous." He is quite accurate. And why ho didn't is explained in the following special report:—

Sir J, G. Ward (speaking into tho 'graph): Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to have this opportunity on this great Imperial occasion, when you are all, I nm 6ure, conscious of the importance of the ties of kinship, which I do not hesitate to say, although New Zealand is distant, yet it is portion, of this-great heritage, and you will agreo with me that it is chiefly tho press that is our only means of the publicity that binds our sympathies together, and in this respect the press of New Zealand is worthy of tho great trust reposed therein, and in alluding thereto I am bound to say, and I say it -without hesitation, that it is an honourable, decent press, with which I can find few faults, that is, as a whole, bat there is one paper to which I would specially refer. The Dominion, which

Tho Attendant: One moment, Sir Joseph, while I fix another cylinder. The first is used up.

Sir Joseph; Certainly. [The cylinder is adjusted.] But as to The Dominion, that—

' Tho Attendant: Cylinder broken? We get these weak ones sometimes. Try another. [Ho .readjusts it]

Sir Joseph.- It is the one paper, if I may call paper that which . [The machine gives out a sort of collapsing whizz.]

Tho Attendant: Why! , Yes— melted! And it is one of the series we tested with the Duke of Northumberland's private opinion of Lloyd-George, and Mr.. Keir Hardie's opinion on tho Coronation. Beg pardon, sir, but you must havo got a heavy current on. Try another, sir? Sir Joseph: No, I'll let it go at that. Get one of your men to add tho final touches. ■