THE CHANGING SCENE.

Dominion, Volume 4, Issue 1133, 22 May 1911, Page 6

THE CHANGING SCENE.

A BIRD'S-EYE VIEW. .(Bi M.CX) ' "This -Is all right enough, George, old. man," said the.Hon. J.' M'Gowen, "but I'm homesick. These English politicians'' eloquence ain't my style. 'I'd -give , " a aovereigti for half an hour in.'the qldjshop in Sydney during an all-night.sitting."■'.' "H'rn, , - said Sir George,-, reflectively, and thought hard for-'-a' moment.-''By iJove, I've got it. I'll havc'it-arranged;a't-once." • . - : ' '. ' ■•• -' ■;■. ;■'."•■ And that is the explanation -of • that singular , cablo message of'Tridayj; which reported : that "the Hon', ! 'M'Ciowen,' Premier^of New South Wales,'walked'-a" mile and a half through the low-level sewer in" South London." iff-ben the Party was looking with dread on The future, that day when Six Joe Bart to take up tho sceptre o£ Seddon, Old Timi thought hard, and said, "Lo, iWhat we want is a person who's pious, Who's known for his hatred of sin; iet's be known as tho'Cabinet marked by a strong moral bias, Let's wire to Grey Lynn!" So He came. He was frightfully firm on Whatever is lovely and good, Be could preach a most excellent sermon. Ho often said grace without food, His haired of beer and of horses Was one with hi 3 horror of lies . JAnd ho said, "I will make my dear colleagues abandon their courses. I'll open their eyes." '-• ( The publicans muttered defiance; The bookies said, "Well, spare mo daya!" (And the, rooms of the N.Z. Alliance Resounded with anthem's -of ■ praise. The clergy were-all in good humour v And Satan seemed burdened, with care, v And soon every Cabinet meeting, according to rumour, Was opened with prayer. But, alas/', something happened, and slowly It dawned on His friends that although He was really most frightfully holy, He made no impression on Joe. Indeed, they observed with depression, The things He 'supported with vim Were evidence,rather of some really dreadful impression His mates made on Him. ' Thea at last it was more'than apparent That Ho who would rather bo swung Than be Seen with a brewer was a parent,A gujde, and protector . for Bung. . ■ ■ ' - He backed up the things that Hie pious Supporters had hoped He would slay, "The bookie, the tariff, and so on—tho strong moral biae Seemed all fled away. .But it's not: you should hear him addressing ~: ■ ~ ' ■ Girl Scouts and , the- Y.M.O.A. Or at Sunday school functions, expressing Opinions most sweet and O.K. '•'" And braced by the contrast, ho's growing In politics always more clever, •While his sermons, they say who have very ! good Y chances of knowing, 'Are better than ever,

The time has arrived when, for. the convenience of those'who tavo failed .to kwp up..'with the ariny "of' progress; a special dictionary must be compiled. Tho .work has.already been begun, and by the courtesy of'the heroic gentleman who has undertaken it,. I_ am .enabled to give a few definitions already compiled:

Hon.—(Prefix)- . Abbreviation of "Honourable": title conferred on eminent statesmen' for great .achievements in commerce.

"Paltry amount"—(Phraso). Extremely small sum. (E.g.. £5000 when paid to a Judge.) ... . , _' "EnoTmous amount"—(Phrase). Undesirably and ruinously large sum. (E.g., one shilling 'a day to a, railway shunter.)

"Tammanyism"—(Noun). The practico of referring in hostile spirit to Government. (E.g., to protest against subsidising Judges.)

"Policy"—Cfoun). Thing formerly owned, but now discarded, by Governments.

"Adjustment"—(Noun). The operation of throwing laway. (E.g., "The Government has adjusted'.its land policy."—Buddo.)

"Tr,aitor : :ito country"—(Noun). One who mentions ,-the size of - the National Debt. (E.b.,H'T7.'Massey.K

"Parochialism"—(Noun). Unwillingness to adopt the South Island's view. (E.g., the North Island's attitude.)

"Lords, House of"—(Noun). The cause of fogs, crime, sour milk, and overcrowded trams. ' " ,

■JvTorker"— (Noun). , Person whom com. jniiflity must support. ...

"The Government, he said definitely, \Vns very firm on the question of paradise ducks."—Tho Hon. D. Buddo, in flnvercargill. ,*3erene and strong, defiant' How/s'e.r the; carper cries, .On minor issues pliant, On big ones, firm and wise. No peaco so calm as Joe's is, fThe waj he baulks his foes is, (When pressed, to count the noses And frame a compromise. .ffhoy .little know, who flout us for , Changing "yea" to'"nay" ' .. /That there..is that -about iis our way: 'Our secret self-reliance, • Our oath to show defiance fight like fifty lions When KEALLT brought to bay. Dull, literal, myopic Ihey, lovo.to laugh and sneer: d'heycito'some'trifling topic'. " Liko, land, dqfence, or. beer.. [And call' us "acrobatic," And "craven" and "erratic" , 'And thing 3 still more emphatic: Wo.smile,,.and ; let .them jeer. • ..,.-.-■ Our outlook's bigger, broader Than .they, can understand. v - , Tho "tote"?.- Just giyo your order! , "Defence"?' Just name'the brand! Freehold? or Prohibition? . Just tell;us.your ambition! . ' In short,' in'-, what - position You order, we shall stand. But to be accommodating Is not u> be a worm. We're lying low, awaiting That timo of Drang und Sturm When Ducks must be Defended; Mien, aU our mildness ended, .We'll stiffen, stark and splendid, Inexorably firm. . During last week mention was made of a movement' that; is afoot in 'Canada "to hav« tho status of tint country raised from a Dominion to that of a Kingdom, and to have King- Cieorgo crowned at Ottawa next year as King of Canada." That tho telegram conveying this "news" 'should have come from Auckland will surprise nobody. Auckland believes it: Auckland cannot conceive that Canada should behave otherwise than Auckland behaves. When the Wellington public read the telegram, it smiled and conjectured that Mr. Gunson must havo settled In Canada lately. But when the Auckland public Tcad the paragraph in tho Auckland papers it breathed heavily, and began forthwith to think of a countermovo. Wβ shall hear- soon what the Chamber of Commerce has been doing, for it is inconceivable that Canada should bo allowed to have it all her own way. But perhaps Canada is outside tho range of. Auckland's anxiety. Now, if Petono wishes to see life, and become famous at the same time, it should get one of tho Wellington papers to say there is a movement afoot to induce King George to rpend the summer there. You can imagine for yourself—and it is, therefore, unnecessary to describe —what would happen iu Auckland when tho awful intelligence was published there. I wonder that tho newspapers do not mako more use of Auckland's readiness to believe that every little hnmlet in tho Dominion liaa the same- crest as the Queen City, namely, a Froir turcent,.