VARIETIES.

Cromwell Argus, Volume IV, Issue 157, 12 November 1872, Page 7

VARIETIES.

Miss • Construction. Whalebone, wadding, powder, and paint.

A Chicago congregation pricked up its ears when the minister said, “ 1 havr land to sell but dropped off to sleep again when he added, “ the beautiful land on high.” The following congratulatory telegram was lately received by a newly-wedded pair:— “Congratulations on your nuptials. May your future troubles be only little ones. ” A venerable country gentleman said to a news. boy, in the Strand, on Thanksgiving day “ Boy, I want to go to Somerset House ” “Very well,” replied the boy, “ you may go, if you’ll promise not to be gone long.” The richest people in the world are the Cherokee Indians. They number 16,000 ; owning in fee simple 4,000,000 acres of the’best land bn the continent; and have it in the hands of the United States Government, on which they receive annually the interest, 4,010,000 dollars.

The Mexican must be a cheerful language to learu. Its vocabulary has just been enriched by a new word “ itzecuintepoizoth,’ which means in English a man who can’t take a joke, and “gets his back up at the merest trifle.” Fancy applying this expression to everyone possessing the peculiar inability of not taking jokes. How soon would a man want a new set of teeth ?

Patrick saw a bull pawing in a field, and thought what fun it would be to jump over, citch him by the horns, and rub his nose in the dirt. The idea was so funny that he lay down and laughed to think of it. The more he thought of it, the funnier it seemed, and he determined to do it. Taurus quickly tossed him over the fence again ; somewhat bruised, Pat leisurely picked himself up, with the consolatory remark, “ Well, it’s a mighty foi ie thing 1 had my foorst.”

A young man at a social party was vehemently urge ito sing a song. He replied that he would first tell a story, and then, if they still persisted in their demand, he would endeavour to execute a song. When ahoy, he said, he took lessons in singing ; and one Sunday morning he went up into his father’s garrett to practice alone by himself. While in full cry, he was suddenly sent for by the old gentleman. “ This is pretty conduct,” said the father—“pretty employment for the son of pious parents, to be samtu/ hoards in a garret on a Sunday morning, loud enough to bo heard by all the neighbours. Do sit down and take your book.” The young man was excused from singing.

A blacksmith had in his possession, but under mortgage, a house and' a piece of land. Like many others he was at one time fond of the social glass, but was happily induced by a friend to join the Temperance society. About three months after ho observed his wife one morning planting rose bushes and fruit trees. “Mary,” said he, “ I have owned this cot for five years, and yet I have never known you before care to improve and ornament it in this manner.”—“lndeed,” replied the smiling wife “ 1 had no heart to do it until you gave up the drink. 1 had often thought of it before, but I was persuaded that, should I do it, some strangers would pluck the roses and cat the fruit. Now, with God’s blessing, this cot will be ours, and we and our children may expect to enjoy the produce. Wo shall pluck the roses and eat the fruit.”

A Xcw Orleans paper tells the following tale of M'Kean Bnelianan While playing in Australia to a very line business, Mr Buchanan found, much to his astonishment, that his receipts wore comparatively quite small. He consulted his agent upon the matter, but could elicit nothing satisfactory from him, so he determined to find out where the leak was himself, which he did on the next night, for he found that his agent pocketed a large per centage of the b ix receipts, and, of course, made small returns to Mr Buchanan. The agent being a valuable business man, Mr Buchanan was loth to make a charge against him, although his dishonesty was evident. At last Mr Buchanan hit upon a plan which succeeded admirably. He was one of the, best poker players in the world. The agent was also quite fond of ‘ putting up his ante so Mr Buchanan used to invite him to his room at the hotel after the performance was over, and in an hour would ‘ burst’ the agent of every cent. He kept it up, and in this manner retained his valuable business man, ami got all his money regularly besides, for no matter how much the agent would ‘ knock down’ at the box-office, Buchanan would win if all in an hour after the show was over.”