VARIETIES.

Cromwell Argus, Volume III, Issue 150, 24 September 1872, Page 7

VARIETIES.

Laps of Time.—Old coat tails. Have you ever known a vegetarian attain a " green old age ?" (Jan a bill of exchange made payable at sight be drawn upon a blind man ? Which are the most in elan choly trees ? The weeping willow and the pine-apple. About the finest thing we have ever found, either i:i town or out of town, is—dust. A miser's first rule in arithmetic is addition, but his heirs generally begin with division. By industry, pe severance, honesty, and economy, one can make progress even in a stationery business. A poverty-stricken writing-master says that Fortune's hand would be a good one if ks downstrokes were not so heavy. " I want a Young Man's Companion,'' 1 said a spruce customer to a bookseller. '"Very well," said the bookseller, picking up a volume, " here's My Only Daughter." Dobson says his friends seem determined to give him tha title of Or. His hut •her, baker, and all the rest "f them do so, but they put the L)r a/in- instead of before it. An el erly maiden lady, hearing for the first time that m itcins are ma'le in heaven, declared that she didn't care a straw how sown she left this sinful world fur a betUr land. Recent developments amo.ig the banks prove that when a 'omis offi 'er uses funds intrusted to h:s keeping, for speculative purposes of his own, his speculation and his peculation are close companions. A Manchester editor boasts that a woollen manufacturer of that city recently spun a yarn twenty-eight miles and thirty-seven feet long from a single pound of wool, without its once breaking. That's the toug'icst yarn we ever heard. "What time is it, my dear?" asked a wife of her husband, whom she suspected of being drunk, but who was doing his best to look sober. ; " Well, my darling. T can't tell, 'cause, you see, there are two hands my watch, and each paints to a different figure, and 1 don't know which to . believe."