VARIETIES.

Cromwell Argus, Volume 2, Issue 86, 4 July 1871, Page 6

VARIETIES.

—o — Present for a Zoologist—A bunch of seals. Harmless Slides for Winter Weather—Stereoscopic slides. One measure in which all civilised nations agree—The church-yard. Tippling in Oshkosh is called "holding communication with disembottled'spirits." Why are there no eggs in San Domingo ? Because there they banish the whites, and cast off their yoke. Why is Gibraltar one of the most wonderful places in the world ? —Because it is always on the rock, but never moves. A travelling piano-player undertook to whip a country editor ; and when he got through, the piano-pounder had only one ear for nmsic. Bed is a bundle of paradoxes. We go to it with reluctance, yet we quit it with regret; and we make up our minds every night to leave it early, but we make iip our bodies every morning to keep it late. A moon-struck Yankee has expressed his overburdened soul. The pale mellow light of the "soft silvery moon" inspired him with poetic numbers. He is a genius. Hear him : " All hail ! thou glorious moon, Bright as a new tin pan ! Thou fairest, purest, roundest source Of bread and cheese to man. " Continue thou to roll and shine Like bands of waggon wheels, For dad and I are going out To try and catch some eels." The Population of Ireland.—Unlike any other portion of the British dominions, the population of Ireland is on the decrease. In 1707 it was estimated at 2,544,276 ; in 1777, at 2,690,553 ; and in 1801, at 5,210,329. It was not till IS2I that the first complete census was taken, and the numbers were then found to be 6,801,826 ; in 1831 they had increased to 7,707,401, and in 1841 to 8,119,853. The highest point was reached in 1845, when the population was estimated at 8,295,061. At last census it was reckoned at 5,450,000. Cobban Ponies.—l left the man in charge, and went to look at the market, and find the renowned gate. The market was really a novelty, containing things little that should be big, and vice versa ; there were ponies for j sale little higher than sheep, or rather about | the size of a small year-old calf, and the very i colour of calves —reddish brown ; and bullocks of tremendous size with saddles on their backs, and shoes on their feet—fine animals, surpassing in size, shape, and beauty of action any cattle I ever saw. . . At our request, some ponies were brought for us to see. I bought a pretty young filly for about eleven shillings ; it followed the carts like a dog, and is now a joy at home and a curiosity to all. It neither bites nor ki-cks, goes out and in doors through all the house, lies down on the floor, and rolls itself where it pleases, and feeds out of the hand. This race of ponies is peculiar to Corea ; they are miniature horses, not like Shetland ponies, and, when well kept, are strong and swift. They are not very well treated in their own country, being kept for carrying burdens across the mountains, and used as asses are in China. — Journeys in Iforlh China. Josh Billings on Makriaub.—Sum marry for love without a cent in their pocket, nor a friend in the world, nor a drop of pedigree. This looks desperate, but it is the strength of the game. Sum marry becaiize they think wimmen will bo scarce next year, and live to wonder how the crop holds out. Sum marry to get rid of themselves, and discover that the game was one that two could play at, and neither win. Sum marry the second time to get even, and find it a gambling game—the more they put down the less they take up. Sum many to be happy, and not finding it, wonders where all the happiness goes to when it dies. Sum marry they can't tell why, and live they can't tell how. Almost everybody gets married, audit's a good joke. Sum marry in haste, and then set down and think it carefully over. Sum think it carefully over fust, and then sot down .and I marry. Both ways are right if they hit the mark. Sum marry rakes to convert them. This is a little risky, and takes a sharp missionary to do it. Sum marry coquettes. This is like buying a poor farm, heavily mortgaged, and working the balance ov yuro days to clear oph the mortgages. But, after all, married life iz full as certain as the dry goods business. Kno man can swear exactly whar lie will fetch up when lie touches calico. Kno man can tell jist what calico has made up its mind tew do next. Calico don't know even herself. Dry good ov all kinds iz the child ov circumstansis. The man who stands on the bank shivering, and dussont, is more apt to ketch cold than him who pitches his hod fust into the river. If ennybody asks you whi you got married (if needs be) tell him you don't rccollekt.