Natural History by Josh Billings.

Cromwell Argus, Volume 2, Issue 81, 30 May 1871, Page 6

Natural History by Josh Billings.

The swine (almost always) hav four legs, tho thare iz sum remarkable exceptshuns to this rule. Swine are good quiet boarders, but alwus eat what is sot before them, and don't ask enny phoolish questions. The swine can be larnt a great menny amusing things, sich az histing the front gate oph from the hinges, and finding a hole in the fence to get into the corn-field ; but it iz dredful hard work for them tew find the same hole tew git out at, espeshily, if yu are in a hurry to hav them. This haz never bin fully explained, but speaks vollums for the swine.—The hornet is a red-hot child ov nature, of sudden impreshuns, and a sharp konklusion. The hornet alwus fites at short range, and never argy a case, they settle all ov their disputes jiletting their javelin fly, and afe az certain, and az anxious tew hit, as a mule iz.—The cat has been called a domestik animile, but I could tell whyfore. All there iz domestik about a cat iz, you kaut loze one ; they are az tuff to loze as a bad reputashun iz. You may send him out ov the State, done up neatly in a meal-bag, and the next morning yon will find him along side ov the kitchen stove ready tew be stepped on. Thare iz only one thing about a cat that i like, and that is, they ai'e. very reasonable ; a little money, well put, will go a grate way in eats. Cats are very plenty in this world just now. I counted 18 from my boarding house windo, one moonlite nite last summer, and it want the best kind ov nite for cats neither.—The goat hj: a coarse, woollen sheep, with a cracked voice and a sanguine digestion. They had rather steal a rotten tui'nip out oV a garbage barrell than cum honestly by a peck ov oats. They strike from the heel instead of the shoulder, and are az likely tew hit the mark as a bumblebee iz. They are faithfull kritters in the hour ov adversity, and will stick tew a man az long az he lives in a shanty. They kan klimb everything but a greased pole, and are always poor in the biddy, Init phatt in the stummak. AVhat they eat seems to all go tew appctight. A phatt goat would be a literary curiosity.